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Radiohead – Fake Plastic Trees Lyrics 1 year ago
@[buggy1984:43485] I, too, have Asperger's and gotta say the song resonated.
It was 1998 when I sort of just decided I was going to get into music, but I wasn't quite sure how because there weren't any good radio stations where I lived, and music streaming hadn't been invented yet. Then MTV, I think, put together a list of the 100 best music videos and I found it on the Internet. "Fake Plastic Trees" was on the list somewhere, and so that's how I discovered Radiohead. I liked it then, of course, because it's a beautifully sad song and I like sad things. I must admit, that the lyrics didn't mean that much to me at the time--I was looking for unrequited love stuff. I also didn't yet know I had Asperger's; I just knew I had a crush and couldn't talk to her because there's no way she'd like me. "Creep" was a lot better in that regard, obviously.
Fast forward to this year: I'm trying to get good at singing while playing the guitar. Better said, I'm enjoying singing while playing, so hopefully I can get good at it too. I've been looking up songs I like and their lyrics, and essentially rediscovered this one.
I understood the song much better this time. I know everybody masks to some extent, but for Aspies, it's exhausting. There's so many social customs that are pointless and artificial, like watering a fake plant. I have to spend long periods alone to "recharge." It's virtually impossible to maintain long term without getting Autistic burnout.
And then this verse, along with the way Thom sings it, sent chills down my spine:

But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

Because of a lifetime of suppression, which by now is ingrained, I have had the feeling sometimes that if I could completely give up on trying to be or appear normal, I might be able to release my true self, and it would be brighter than the sun. I don't know that it would. I don't even know what that self would look like. I don't know that I'll ever be able to overpower anxiety and dig it out. But I can't help the feeling...

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