I Don't Feel It Anymore

i relate to it in that i too had to tell my girlfriend, after we'd been together a significant amount of time, that i had done something horrible. i knew that i couldn't not tell her; it wasn't even an option... but, i also knew that if i did tell her it would leave an irreparable, irrevocable impression. it's especially difficult to think of it in terms of the way you'll change in this person's eyes, how they'll forever hold this somewhere in the recesses of their mind. the circumstances, mind you, were entirely irregular, and there was a lot of drinking and stuff involved. i didn't mean for it to happen, and it wasn't something i would do. in fact, it fucked me up a great deal, too.

she wasn't waiting for me to mess around or anything (i don't think), but... both my relationship, and myself personally, were complicated and had a fair share of issues. part of me, i think, can't help but feel that perhaps this was partially that thing that really did us in. time would pass, but seemingly at random, she would just break down. i'd find her, collapsed, crying on the bathroom floor, for instance. i couldn't make it go away, and so i knew there was nothing i could really do. all i wanted to do was take it back. i would've given anything for that.