So what exactly does the character telling the story mean by "I could not stand to get my friends killed
So I took care of myself first?" I immediately thought suicide but a couple lines later he says "Now it keeps me up nights, what I could have done differently" which tells me either lived through his suicide attempt or that he was saying he stayed to himself so not to grow fond of those he knew may die when he sang "took care of myself first." The last lines always made me think that he blamed God for not allowing him to die when he attempted to..."I'd be no guest at the table of the Lord, His food was not to be mine ‘Cause I cursed His name every chance that I could And I recon that's why I'm still alive." Ben Nichols has never broken it down to specifics like this on any occasion I've heard him tell the background of the song. Is suicide way off the mark or does anyone else get that from the tone and lyrics?
@mrrettig78 Interesting take... I've always thought that when he says "took care of myself first", he's referring to the previous lines. Promoted 3 times, but he'd purposely do things to get demoted. I think "could not stand to get my friends killed" refers to when he was higher rank than private, he was giving orders. And if people were killed, he felt responsible because he may have given the orders. But now what keeps him up nights... Could he have in fact saved lives if he stuck it out and kept his rank and been a leader instead?...
@mrrettig78 Interesting take... I've always thought that when he says "took care of myself first", he's referring to the previous lines. Promoted 3 times, but he'd purposely do things to get demoted. I think "could not stand to get my friends killed" refers to when he was higher rank than private, he was giving orders. And if people were killed, he felt responsible because he may have given the orders. But now what keeps him up nights... Could he have in fact saved lives if he stuck it out and kept his rank and been a leader instead?
So what exactly does the character telling the story mean by "I could not stand to get my friends killed So I took care of myself first?" I immediately thought suicide but a couple lines later he says "Now it keeps me up nights, what I could have done differently" which tells me either lived through his suicide attempt or that he was saying he stayed to himself so not to grow fond of those he knew may die when he sang "took care of myself first." The last lines always made me think that he blamed God for not allowing him to die when he attempted to..."I'd be no guest at the table of the Lord, His food was not to be mine ‘Cause I cursed His name every chance that I could And I recon that's why I'm still alive." Ben Nichols has never broken it down to specifics like this on any occasion I've heard him tell the background of the song. Is suicide way off the mark or does anyone else get that from the tone and lyrics?
@mrrettig78 Interesting take... I've always thought that when he says "took care of myself first", he's referring to the previous lines. Promoted 3 times, but he'd purposely do things to get demoted. I think "could not stand to get my friends killed" refers to when he was higher rank than private, he was giving orders. And if people were killed, he felt responsible because he may have given the orders. But now what keeps him up nights... Could he have in fact saved lives if he stuck it out and kept his rank and been a leader instead?...
@mrrettig78 Interesting take... I've always thought that when he says "took care of myself first", he's referring to the previous lines. Promoted 3 times, but he'd purposely do things to get demoted. I think "could not stand to get my friends killed" refers to when he was higher rank than private, he was giving orders. And if people were killed, he felt responsible because he may have given the orders. But now what keeps him up nights... Could he have in fact saved lives if he stuck it out and kept his rank and been a leader instead?