Here with Me

When I was in high school, I dated a boy for almost exactly 2.5 years; pretty much until the last month of our senior year. Hearing this song and looking at the lyrics, it makes me imagine his point of view.

~Wheels are turning I remember when you were mine Now just to reach you Baby, I'd stand in line~ Our relationship is pretty dang rooted into our memories, and I bet sometimes he thinks of what we used to be (Wheels are turning = recalling those old, good memories). Within a year after the breakup, I kissed 6 guys and dated 3 because, honestly, I felt like I needed to go find that stability that I lost. I'm not sure if he knows that, but anyhow he'd be standing in line.

~But there's another world We're living in Tonight~ One reason we broke up was because we were going to college and he didn't want to be the reason I go to a certain college or be the reason I'm distracted while we're there. Well, we ended up going to the same school anyway. So this other world that we're living in--the same new world that we came to separately, the new adult world we're experiencing--is our first year of college. Another reason we broke up was because we hit another human growing phase (we were becoming adults), and we were growing apart, realizing that we didn't fit and growing further from fitting.

~And there's another heart That's fading in The light~ The other "heart that's fading in the light" is his heart, and he's possibly giving up on us ever getting back together. The other heart could also possibly be mine because forever ago he said I had a rainbow heart. Well, rainbows are made of light (and I'm pretty sure water helps create rainbow, and water could be made of tears, but that's besides the point). My rainbow heart is fading away--kind of like how light makes a rainbow depending on the way the light is shining; as soon as you change the direction of that light, the rainbow disappears--the light slowly changed its direction, so my heart is no longer rainbow, just like our relationship.

~Don't want your picture On my cell phone I want you here with me Don't want your memory In my head now I want you here with me~ He still has pictures of me on his phone and his computer. I'm not sure if he wants me back or not (for better or for worse) because neither of us have been trying. It's just a little bit easier on the heart to assume that he wants what we used to have. Plus, he's a shy boy.

~Spent the summer, just laying out in the sun Time seems to move so slow When you're taking it as it comes Maybe we were just too young~ We broke up just before summer happened. He doesn't play any sports or work or do any outdoor hobbies, but he does go outside just to sit on the porch and relax. With pretty much nothing going on for a whole summer, doing anything to do that comes up, time does seem to move so slow. And when there's nothing going on, I'm pretty sure he got to thinking that, yeah, maybe we were just too young for this relationship. Because we did boatloads of planning and we believed that we'd stay together forever (he'd be a rocket scientist and I'd be an accountant, yadda yadda yadda, all that sappy stuff). That summer was kind of the same for me. I didn't do anything (besides working). I tried new things, literally like sunbathing, but those new things weren't very interesting or fun to me. The sunbathing really didn't help because the feeling of being overall warm just felt too much like the feeling of being in love.

~Your body was tanned and your hair was long You showed me your smile and my cares were gone Falling in love filled my soul with fright You said "Come on babe, it'll be alright" I must have been a fool to the bitter end Now I hold on to hope to have you back again I'd bargain and I'd fight~ In this chunk of lyrics, Brandon Flowers talks about a specific girl. Putting Flowers' words into my ex's point of view: When we started dating, the girls tennis season just ended, so I got all tan, and my hair was long. On another note, I have dimples; a lot of people really like them for some reason (I just see them as weird holes in my cheeks). We also had a different kind of smiley in each text to show each other our emotions when we wrote the text. So, if we talked about something of concern, I'd send him a laughing face after an explanation just to show that everything's really alright. Falling in legit love (as in finding relationships) for him, I'd assume, is hard because he's shy. Before me, he'd only had one other (not-the-greatest) relationship; when he asked me out he was so nervous and unsure. Throughout the relationship, he regretted not doing a lot of things with me. Anything I wanted to do, he didn't want to do, and he didn't know what to do instead. Anything we planned to do, sometimes we didn't even do. I'm not sure if he feels this way, but maybe he felt like a fool for not doing much as a couple all the way to the end of our relationship. Maybe (dear god, just maybe) with whatever unfaded heart left, he still has some hope left to have me back with him again. Maybe he'd bargain and fight if he wasn't as shy as he is.

~Well I saw you in a restaurant The other day And instead of walking towards you I ran away And I'll keep on waiting for you Till you'll come around Come around and say [...]~ I used to work at a bakery/cafe. His parents would come in sometimes and buy coffee and bagels, sometimes I'd even ring them up; however, he never came in with them or came to visit me. I continued working at the same place over the summer after we broke up, and he still never came. I'm not salty about it because I know he's a shy boy. Him being him, I bet he's waiting until I come around and say

~Don't want your picture On my cell phone I want you here with me Don't need those memories In my head now I want you here with me~ Because neither of us wants that memory of us breaking up last year on prom night, in our nice clothes, sitting in his car, at 11:48 subtract 5 minutes because his clock was fast.