I've heard this was a song written by Cantrell for Staley about his drug use. Probably just a rumor. I can see it being more universal than that. I think everyone has a time in their life that they just don't have the motivation and patience to deal with others. Even family and friends. Depression is a bitch. But if you tell people "I'm depressed" most won't understand. They'll take it as just an excuse to get out of doing something, or an excuse to isolate, or an excuse to get drunk and high. I think the lyrics definitely seem to fit Layne's attitude towards the last years of his life. He knew he was a drug addict. He knew he was throwing his talent away. He didn't want to lie and give some bullshit excuse for his bad behavior. He, unlike most people in that position, was honest. There was no excuse, so he didn't give any.
Personally I can relate. I'm an alcoholic in recovery. Sober from booze since July 17th 2011. Once I quit drinking I started to realize I wasn't the happy go lucky person I had been in the past. Drinking gave me confidence, gave me the energy to want to go out and socialize. I didn't know until I stopped drinking that I suffer from social anxiety, really generalized anxiety all around.
Now that I don't drink I don't have that urge to go out with friends. Even if drinking isn't involved. I am a freelance photographer, I started in 2008. But after getting sober I found myself more and more anxious about shoots, being around people I didn't know, being judged, facing all the pressure (I specialized in weddings, so LOTS of pressure!) Right at the peak of my "success" I got sober. And it was hard to accept that I couldn't face the world, and do the job I loved, now that I was sober. I've done three shoots in the past 2 years. I barely even bring my camera out of the bag. I find people like my Mom, who have never suffered from anxiety or alcoholism, always say things like "you just gotta get out there and do it!" or "you'll never know if you don't try" or "isolating yourself isn't healthy" "you're just depressed, and if you got out of the house more you'd feel better." As if it was all that simple. I can't be mad about it, they just don't get it because they've never felt it from the inside. And when they give all this advice they expect a response. But I don't have one. There is no excuse. It just is what it is, and I'm doing my best to figure it all out. But to give an excuse would just be giving them a lie.
The 3rd verse means a lot to me because it reminds me of my best friend. She's an alcoholic/addict too. But she doesn't want help. I know from my experience it's not something you can force someone into. I mean, you can get them to go to rehab. But if they don't want to be sober, if they don't feel they really have a problem, it's all a big fucking waste of time. Because of my sobriety I don't get to see her...well...at all. We might as well be living on different planets. Even if I was to see her, spend time with her, it would be in vain. She doesn't understand where I am coming from. She's been baker acted, and I visited her in the hospital while she was there. I told her then that no matter what I will always love her, she will always be my best friend. She's the closest thing to a sister I have. But I just told her straight up, if she didn't get help I would have to keep my distance from her. Not just because to protect my sobriety, trust me, there is NO place you can go where you aren't reminded of alcohol in some way. Whether it's when you go out to eat, or go to the grocery store, or watch a football game with every other commercial promoting some beer or liquor. I would have to keep my distance because I have a kid, and she was getting high on bath salts and coming over to my house high as a kite talking bat shit crazy stuff. Like the world is really flat, and her Dad was in the CIA. I can't have that around my child. And the stuff I listed was actually pretty mild for the stuff she was using. She could have done literally anything when she was high on that shit. I couldn't put my son in danger. But even more than all that, I couldn't be in her life if she didn't get help because I couldn't stand to watch her kill herself slowly in front of my very eyes. I told her if she was getting help (even if she wasn't able to be completely sober) I would be by her side through it all. Go to meetings with her, even though I don't do the whole AA thing. Just didn't work for me personally, not putting it down in anyway. But basically I would support her in every possible way I could if she was willing to make an effort to help herself. That was over 2 years ago now, and needless to say things didn't work out that way. I haven't spoke to her in I don't know how long. And not because I'm not willing to. Even though I won't allow her to come to my house high, I would never stop talking to her via phone, email, letter, etc. She doesn't want to talk to me, and I get it. She knows I don't approve so she doesn't have anything to say to me. She looks at me as the enemy now. But that's ok. I get it. I hope someday that changes, because she's a beautiful intelligent woman who deserves to be happy. But no matter what the future holds she will always be in my heart. She'll always be my best friend. And even if I can't see her, and spend time with her, I will always love her. Nothing she could do could change that.
Anyway, sorry for writing so much. I tend to talk a lot. This is just what the song speaks to me.
I've heard this was a song written by Cantrell for Staley about his drug use. Probably just a rumor. I can see it being more universal than that. I think everyone has a time in their life that they just don't have the motivation and patience to deal with others. Even family and friends. Depression is a bitch. But if you tell people "I'm depressed" most won't understand. They'll take it as just an excuse to get out of doing something, or an excuse to isolate, or an excuse to get drunk and high. I think the lyrics definitely seem to fit Layne's attitude towards the last years of his life. He knew he was a drug addict. He knew he was throwing his talent away. He didn't want to lie and give some bullshit excuse for his bad behavior. He, unlike most people in that position, was honest. There was no excuse, so he didn't give any.
Personally I can relate. I'm an alcoholic in recovery. Sober from booze since July 17th 2011. Once I quit drinking I started to realize I wasn't the happy go lucky person I had been in the past. Drinking gave me confidence, gave me the energy to want to go out and socialize. I didn't know until I stopped drinking that I suffer from social anxiety, really generalized anxiety all around.
Now that I don't drink I don't have that urge to go out with friends. Even if drinking isn't involved. I am a freelance photographer, I started in 2008. But after getting sober I found myself more and more anxious about shoots, being around people I didn't know, being judged, facing all the pressure (I specialized in weddings, so LOTS of pressure!) Right at the peak of my "success" I got sober. And it was hard to accept that I couldn't face the world, and do the job I loved, now that I was sober. I've done three shoots in the past 2 years. I barely even bring my camera out of the bag. I find people like my Mom, who have never suffered from anxiety or alcoholism, always say things like "you just gotta get out there and do it!" or "you'll never know if you don't try" or "isolating yourself isn't healthy" "you're just depressed, and if you got out of the house more you'd feel better." As if it was all that simple. I can't be mad about it, they just don't get it because they've never felt it from the inside. And when they give all this advice they expect a response. But I don't have one. There is no excuse. It just is what it is, and I'm doing my best to figure it all out. But to give an excuse would just be giving them a lie.
The 3rd verse means a lot to me because it reminds me of my best friend. She's an alcoholic/addict too. But she doesn't want help. I know from my experience it's not something you can force someone into. I mean, you can get them to go to rehab. But if they don't want to be sober, if they don't feel they really have a problem, it's all a big fucking waste of time. Because of my sobriety I don't get to see her...well...at all. We might as well be living on different planets. Even if I was to see her, spend time with her, it would be in vain. She doesn't understand where I am coming from. She's been baker acted, and I visited her in the hospital while she was there. I told her then that no matter what I will always love her, she will always be my best friend. She's the closest thing to a sister I have. But I just told her straight up, if she didn't get help I would have to keep my distance from her. Not just because to protect my sobriety, trust me, there is NO place you can go where you aren't reminded of alcohol in some way. Whether it's when you go out to eat, or go to the grocery store, or watch a football game with every other commercial promoting some beer or liquor. I would have to keep my distance because I have a kid, and she was getting high on bath salts and coming over to my house high as a kite talking bat shit crazy stuff. Like the world is really flat, and her Dad was in the CIA. I can't have that around my child. And the stuff I listed was actually pretty mild for the stuff she was using. She could have done literally anything when she was high on that shit. I couldn't put my son in danger. But even more than all that, I couldn't be in her life if she didn't get help because I couldn't stand to watch her kill herself slowly in front of my very eyes. I told her if she was getting help (even if she wasn't able to be completely sober) I would be by her side through it all. Go to meetings with her, even though I don't do the whole AA thing. Just didn't work for me personally, not putting it down in anyway. But basically I would support her in every possible way I could if she was willing to make an effort to help herself. That was over 2 years ago now, and needless to say things didn't work out that way. I haven't spoke to her in I don't know how long. And not because I'm not willing to. Even though I won't allow her to come to my house high, I would never stop talking to her via phone, email, letter, etc. She doesn't want to talk to me, and I get it. She knows I don't approve so she doesn't have anything to say to me. She looks at me as the enemy now. But that's ok. I get it. I hope someday that changes, because she's a beautiful intelligent woman who deserves to be happy. But no matter what the future holds she will always be in my heart. She'll always be my best friend. And even if I can't see her, and spend time with her, I will always love her. Nothing she could do could change that.
Anyway, sorry for writing so much. I tend to talk a lot. This is just what the song speaks to me.