To Sheila

You believe in something and you want that something so bad it hurts... you've wanted it all along, it's like everybody has it but you, you need to feel that thing... and though you know you might never have it, deep inside you hold on to that uncertain faith that hurts you and go on living with your emptiness... and then one day, that one thing you've always wanted ( a lover, but it could be an state of happiness or a cure) actually comes to you and now it's just a matter of grace, of gratitude for having held on to that faith... it meant everything because it didn't matter how lost and empty you felt, you didn't give up on your life... you lived to see this day and now you have what you've always wanted and it makes you feel like a real ordinary person like you never felt before. It's almost unbelievable how beautiful everything in the world is now. You feel everything different, everything is deeper, you can finaly see beauty in things. You are not alone. You are real. You want the whole world to be able to feel like you do, especially the one who makes you feel that way... and now you feel like you could bring that person the light because that's what she's done to you. You have have let your guard down to be with someone who makes you feel secure enough to drown into the uncertain... and now you can just be, you can just feel.