This song touched me in that it put words to a world I had lived through that described my perceptions.
I had fallen in love with a beautiful woman who stole my very soul away in every good way possible. I was a battlefield medic in Afghanistan two back to back tours. She didn't understand my frustrations at the loss of life in war, the things I was seeing and doing. And at the time I couldn't say much to her for security, but I grew so angry and felt myself being chipped away at all that war was and how I couldn't save them all and how powerless I felt. I vented my frustrations on the rare moments she and I were able to actually speak via telephone. She was pregnant with my first child and there were major complications with Lupis. In the end we had to term the pregnancy to save her. It got rough, it got so painful to deal with and I couldn't be with her by her side to help her and it felt like paradise and joy had been detached as if your arm suddenly came apart from you and slowly floating away where all I could do was watch. She left me in a dear john email and this is where this song come in for me. My world felt like a horrible day dream filled with all good of things.
The stars up above, directionless and drifting we're my beautiful hope and dreams and the potential at the future. The dark and sirens and thunder was the war and I was floating, drifting through it all around me, so very present observing things that just couldn't be real but unable to affect any of it.
And rusting far below me
Battered hulls and broken hardships
Leviathan and Lonely
I was thirsty so I drank....
This were more of the horrors that my life had turned to. Memories, loss, pain better left alone. I came back from the war, and even though I had friends and family around me, and an different and amazing ex girlfriend who wanted to be with me, I never felt so alone in my entire life. I was desperate and felt the world spinning around me. I needed someone and this girl wanted to be with me, so I let her in ever so slowly. I was thirsty so I drank (love) and there was something bout the way it tasted so familiar.
The black clouds I'm hanging
This anchor I'm dragging
The sails of memory rip open in silence
We cut through the lowlands
All hands through the salt lands
The white caps of memory
Confusing and violent
This is the memories the guilt the pain the decisions I made that I can't ever forget. The ghosts that haunt me. The bodies the blood the loss, the explosions, gun fire, my child, my love, things I could have done better. Every single day was and sometimes is a battle in a world I knew before I left but can't recognize when I came back. Innocence lost. Knowing the cost of life, knowing the things that truly matter, and seeing those around me worry about the temperature of their Starbucks, if traffic was annoying, how long it took to get the food you ordered but didn't like so ended up throwing it all away, how 'hot' it was this summer.
"The sails of memory rip open in silence" things and thoughts only I and those who served understand silently an island to ourselves.
I had a dream last night
And when I opened my eyes
Your shoulder blade, your spine
Were shorelines in the moon light
New worlds for the weary
New lands for the living
I could make it if I tried
I closed my eyes I kept on swimming
This is two fold. On one hand I always think about the woman who left me, because I will always love her just as fiercely as I ever had. Because she touched my soul and she will always be a part of me that I will miss...do miss daily, and small things in life around me remind me of her very much every single day. A bitter sweet curse I suppose.
On the other hand,
"New lands for the living
I could make it if I tried
I closed my eyes I kept on swimming"
This is the life I have now to live. The gift that so many others can't have anymore. The amazing woman that has been there for me I have grown to love too. The life I can have right now.
"I could make it if I tried." Maybe I could forget it all, but a part of me doesn't want to. I am a witness to the things I saw and lived. I remember their faces. I know hard truths. To forget them would be to dishonor them, would be to erase them and their existence. To forget love would be to forget myself.
"I closed my eyes I kept on swimming" this would mean to me as I have done to simply find a way to keep on going
Time, love, time, love, it's only a change of time.
This song touched me in that it put words to a world I had lived through that described my perceptions. I had fallen in love with a beautiful woman who stole my very soul away in every good way possible. I was a battlefield medic in Afghanistan two back to back tours. She didn't understand my frustrations at the loss of life in war, the things I was seeing and doing. And at the time I couldn't say much to her for security, but I grew so angry and felt myself being chipped away at all that war was and how I couldn't save them all and how powerless I felt. I vented my frustrations on the rare moments she and I were able to actually speak via telephone. She was pregnant with my first child and there were major complications with Lupis. In the end we had to term the pregnancy to save her. It got rough, it got so painful to deal with and I couldn't be with her by her side to help her and it felt like paradise and joy had been detached as if your arm suddenly came apart from you and slowly floating away where all I could do was watch. She left me in a dear john email and this is where this song come in for me. My world felt like a horrible day dream filled with all good of things.
The stars up above, directionless and drifting we're my beautiful hope and dreams and the potential at the future. The dark and sirens and thunder was the war and I was floating, drifting through it all around me, so very present observing things that just couldn't be real but unable to affect any of it.
And rusting far below me Battered hulls and broken hardships Leviathan and Lonely I was thirsty so I drank....
This were more of the horrors that my life had turned to. Memories, loss, pain better left alone. I came back from the war, and even though I had friends and family around me, and an different and amazing ex girlfriend who wanted to be with me, I never felt so alone in my entire life. I was desperate and felt the world spinning around me. I needed someone and this girl wanted to be with me, so I let her in ever so slowly. I was thirsty so I drank (love) and there was something bout the way it tasted so familiar.
The black clouds I'm hanging This anchor I'm dragging The sails of memory rip open in silence We cut through the lowlands All hands through the salt lands The white caps of memory Confusing and violent
This is the memories the guilt the pain the decisions I made that I can't ever forget. The ghosts that haunt me. The bodies the blood the loss, the explosions, gun fire, my child, my love, things I could have done better. Every single day was and sometimes is a battle in a world I knew before I left but can't recognize when I came back. Innocence lost. Knowing the cost of life, knowing the things that truly matter, and seeing those around me worry about the temperature of their Starbucks, if traffic was annoying, how long it took to get the food you ordered but didn't like so ended up throwing it all away, how 'hot' it was this summer. "The sails of memory rip open in silence" things and thoughts only I and those who served understand silently an island to ourselves.
I had a dream last night And when I opened my eyes Your shoulder blade, your spine Were shorelines in the moon light New worlds for the weary New lands for the living I could make it if I tried I closed my eyes I kept on swimming
This is two fold. On one hand I always think about the woman who left me, because I will always love her just as fiercely as I ever had. Because she touched my soul and she will always be a part of me that I will miss...do miss daily, and small things in life around me remind me of her very much every single day. A bitter sweet curse I suppose. On the other hand,
"New lands for the living I could make it if I tried I closed my eyes I kept on swimming"
This is the life I have now to live. The gift that so many others can't have anymore. The amazing woman that has been there for me I have grown to love too. The life I can have right now. "I could make it if I tried." Maybe I could forget it all, but a part of me doesn't want to. I am a witness to the things I saw and lived. I remember their faces. I know hard truths. To forget them would be to dishonor them, would be to erase them and their existence. To forget love would be to forget myself. "I closed my eyes I kept on swimming" this would mean to me as I have done to simply find a way to keep on going
Time, love, time, love, it's only a change of time.