There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

I identify with this song sooooo very much. My entire family passed away in a freak plane accident and orphaned me in July '10 and this song summed up exactly how I felt right after the accident. I had come back to my hometown and was surrounded by my friends the entire time. I'll explain further as the lyrics go:

"Take me out tonight. Where there's music and there's people. And they're young and alive" -My friends took me out the night the accident happened and we went TPing and acted like high schoolers even though we were 24-25. I was so thankful for that momentary break from being so unbearably sad and depressed.

"Driving in your car, I never never want to go home, Because I haven't got one, Anymore" -My boyfriend drove most of the night and we never went to my parents house at all. We stayed at my uncles because I truly felt that I didn't have a home anymore, it wouldn't be the same now that it was empty. I never wanted the night to end because going home meant having to lie there and process what happened that day.

"Take me out tonight, Because I want to see people and I Want to see life" -Again, just another plea to keep my mind off of everything. I didn't want to be faced with the reality of death, I wanted my friends and family to keep me occupied.

"Driving in your car. Oh, please don't drop me home . Because it's not my home, it's their home, and I'm welcome no more" -Again, I just really didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to go to my house and though it wasn't like I wasn't welcome, but the thought of going through their personal things just seemed like such a privacy violation and it made me uncomfortable.

"And if a double-decker bus. Crashes into us .To die by your side, Is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten-ton truck Kills the both of us To die by your side Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine" -This has kind of a double meaning to me. One being that I envisioned my family saying something similar about the plane crash. That they were fortunate to die together and quickly and without pain. I am glad they were able to be together, but at the same time, I almost wished I could've been there with them. "The privelege is mine" -The second meaning was kind of how I felt about my boyfriend and I. I didn't want to die, or him to die, but if we were going to, I wanted to be with him when it happened. I don't know, perhaps it was really morbid thinking on my part given the circumstances or what.

"Take me out tonight. Take me anywhere, I don't care I don't care, I don't care" -This really just pushed the feeling that I had of not knowing where I wanted to be, I couldn't be happy anywhere, I just wanted my mind off of anything and I wanted to keep running away from the situation at the time.

"And in the darkened underpass. I thought oh God, my chance has come at last (but then a strange fear gripped me and I Just couldn't ask)" -I think this hints to the brief notion that I kind of was suicidal, or had at least wished I was with them when they died so we could have all died together, but then I was snapped out of that notion, not necessarily by fear, but with a realization that I couldn't leave everyone else I loved.

"Take me out tonight Oh, take me anywhere, I don't care I don't care, I don't care" -Still pushing that point.

"Driving in your car I never never want to go home Because I haven't got one, da... Oh, I haven't got one" -Still reiterating that I didn't feel like I had a home if they weren't going to be there. The "la da da" part really felt fitting because I felt so matter-of-fact about the situation. Like, I recalled telling a gas station cashier that my family died like it was no big deal. I was a bit numb at that point.

"Oh, there is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out...(repeat)" -This totally just seems like it was talking about their memories. Like they were the lights and their lives and memories would never be forgotten. They may have passed but we were all going to do our best to remember them and we always will.