I love this song. Someone made the comment that this is the best non-preachy anti-suicide song out there and I very much agree with that. She talks about "us in the middle of this delusion." I don't think that it's because she's contemplating suicide herself, but she wants her friend to know that she's going to go all the way into the depths with him to see what he sees and feel what he feels. This is actually really rare, because people are usually too scared to go there. Their defenses automatically keep them from getting there even if they know that's what would be most helpful.
I work in psych and sometimes I've seen counselors subtly devalue a depressed person with their projections, (a defense) or simply stand back and observe them from a safe distance, applying a label (or nametag) in a staff meeting, or they emphasize outcomes or successes that can be measured (sure signs the person is getting better) because that helps them (the counselor) feel more in control. And a lack of empathy is probably what got that depressed and hopeless person into that state of mind to begin with. The depressed person needs someone authentically present with them. Alannis gets that and she gives him what he needs without reacting from a place of fear (as the mother did).
She tells him authentically about her first impressions of him, that she saw his insecurities and his hunger (or thirst) for empathy from others, and it didn't drive her away. In fact, she found him fascinating because of this, but even beyond that, she saw who he was, and she loved who he was (he was beautiful).
Then she tells him the ways in which they're alike "we're like 4-year-olds" because he needs to know he's not truly alone and incapable of being understood, like he probably thinks. The ways in which they're alike though are different from mainstream America, which has a very narcissistic culture rather than a culture rooted in authentic experience. She still identifies with him, even in his present state of mind. She tells him why she thinks he arrived at the conclusion he came to - he's reduced life to all the things that wind up disappointing us or making us feel misunderstood and alone - our leaders, our culture, the fact that people apply nametags to us, etc. He needs to go back to living in the moment - they need a "really good memory." She tells him she's there for him whenever he needs her to be. If Alannis hadn't been a professional singer/songwriter, I think she would have been a really good psychotherapist.
I love this song. Someone made the comment that this is the best non-preachy anti-suicide song out there and I very much agree with that. She talks about "us in the middle of this delusion." I don't think that it's because she's contemplating suicide herself, but she wants her friend to know that she's going to go all the way into the depths with him to see what he sees and feel what he feels. This is actually really rare, because people are usually too scared to go there. Their defenses automatically keep them from getting there even if they know that's what would be most helpful.
I work in psych and sometimes I've seen counselors subtly devalue a depressed person with their projections, (a defense) or simply stand back and observe them from a safe distance, applying a label (or nametag) in a staff meeting, or they emphasize outcomes or successes that can be measured (sure signs the person is getting better) because that helps them (the counselor) feel more in control. And a lack of empathy is probably what got that depressed and hopeless person into that state of mind to begin with. The depressed person needs someone authentically present with them. Alannis gets that and she gives him what he needs without reacting from a place of fear (as the mother did).
She tells him authentically about her first impressions of him, that she saw his insecurities and his hunger (or thirst) for empathy from others, and it didn't drive her away. In fact, she found him fascinating because of this, but even beyond that, she saw who he was, and she loved who he was (he was beautiful).
Then she tells him the ways in which they're alike "we're like 4-year-olds" because he needs to know he's not truly alone and incapable of being understood, like he probably thinks. The ways in which they're alike though are different from mainstream America, which has a very narcissistic culture rather than a culture rooted in authentic experience. She still identifies with him, even in his present state of mind. She tells him why she thinks he arrived at the conclusion he came to - he's reduced life to all the things that wind up disappointing us or making us feel misunderstood and alone - our leaders, our culture, the fact that people apply nametags to us, etc. He needs to go back to living in the moment - they need a "really good memory." She tells him she's there for him whenever he needs her to be. If Alannis hadn't been a professional singer/songwriter, I think she would have been a really good psychotherapist.