Once In A Lifetime

I was driving to Denver to see the final four for Women's basketball. It was a once in a lifetime experience, particularly for the seniors that would be playing the game.

I was alone. I was to meet my dad who had recently underwent open heart surgery and was now recovering nicely.

The car I was driving was big, blue (the color of water), and old. I wondered if it would make the distance or would break down, but so what, I'm a man, resourceful, with 2 legs, big, strong, what do I have to fear?

It was late.

I've had money or thought I had money at certain points in my life, but not at that minute as I drove on the dark and desolate highway, somewhere in Iowa. I heard the sounds of irrigation sprinklers in the distance. The air smelled fresh, clean, with just a hint of fertilizer, but muted.

My wife is beautiful, but she thought I was crazy for driving across the country to see some women play a game. When I originally purchased my house, it was so new, so important to me, now it seems like such piece of crap. My kids are doing well in school but doing their own thing.

I am alone and it is wonderous.

Well, how did I get here?

I know how, it was based on preconceptions of things I had to do, on a path I felt oblidged to take, to pursue, wife, house, job, kids, all on "autopilot," of course always with the idea of a "plan," that fulfilled yields emptiness and like a tear in an ocean means nothing, but seems like it does. Ultimately, it is an expression of possibilities, limitless opportunity unfettered by what we think we need to obtain, total freedom, not a nihilistic expression of nothingness, but of choice and movement, like water around obstacles. Mid life, either a regret of things undone, or possibilities to explore.

It was like tasting ice cream for the first time, what a wonderful song.