At this moment I feel just like John must have, when he wrote this amazing song.
I just realized today, 1 1/2 months after breaking up with my ex girlfriend, that it was all my fault.
My own insecurities and jealousy made me feel like she didn't love me as much as I loved her.
I felt like I was frighting daily, trying to make the relationship work and she was just bitching about everything I didn't do.
Today I finally understand what she mend. I wasn't fighting for the relationship, I was fighting for survival. Fighting for her acceptation. For 6 months she was making sure I wasn't a guy who gave up and left, when I had had my fun and I convinced her that I wasn't that kind of guy, that I would love her forever.
Well... One year after moving in together, I ended the relationship because I felt like I was giving and giving and got nothing but bullshit in return. I gave up and left her... I feel so ashamed. I feel like I lied to her. But that was never my intention. My intention was to stay with her forever. I just didn't account for my own inner demons working against me.
Last week my ex and I chatted on Skype and she told me that she hates me now and that I hurt her very much.
It never dawned on me that I was able to hurt her, but now I get it.
She was making sure I wasn't gonna leave her, because she was afraid of getting hurt.
I left her, because I was afraid of getting hurt, because I thought she didn't love me (anymore).
I know I'll regret leaving her for the rest of my life. I will regret not being stronger and telling her about my fears instead of trying to blame her for not loving me enough and not giving me what I needed. Somehow she did what I always knew she would, she made me a better man. Everything she said was right, I just didn't understand it at the time and now it's too late.
I fucked everything up and I can never get her back.
At this moment I feel just like John must have, when he wrote this amazing song.
I just realized today, 1 1/2 months after breaking up with my ex girlfriend, that it was all my fault. My own insecurities and jealousy made me feel like she didn't love me as much as I loved her. I felt like I was frighting daily, trying to make the relationship work and she was just bitching about everything I didn't do. Today I finally understand what she mend. I wasn't fighting for the relationship, I was fighting for survival. Fighting for her acceptation. For 6 months she was making sure I wasn't a guy who gave up and left, when I had had my fun and I convinced her that I wasn't that kind of guy, that I would love her forever.
Well... One year after moving in together, I ended the relationship because I felt like I was giving and giving and got nothing but bullshit in return. I gave up and left her... I feel so ashamed. I feel like I lied to her. But that was never my intention. My intention was to stay with her forever. I just didn't account for my own inner demons working against me.
Last week my ex and I chatted on Skype and she told me that she hates me now and that I hurt her very much. It never dawned on me that I was able to hurt her, but now I get it. She was making sure I wasn't gonna leave her, because she was afraid of getting hurt. I left her, because I was afraid of getting hurt, because I thought she didn't love me (anymore).
I know I'll regret leaving her for the rest of my life. I will regret not being stronger and telling her about my fears instead of trying to blame her for not loving me enough and not giving me what I needed. Somehow she did what I always knew she would, she made me a better man. Everything she said was right, I just didn't understand it at the time and now it's too late. I fucked everything up and I can never get her back.