His fear has created his way of life. It often keeps him from that which he may want yet it also allows him perks. He may be isolated and often sad, but at times he feels great joy. Hence the line "But if you could just see the beauty. These things I could never describe. These pleasures a wayward distraction
This is my wonderful prize." So there is a payoff to his condition. He has settled and accepted what he believes is his fate; somehow he's made it work for him. Curtis was a genius.
His fear has created his way of life. It often keeps him from that which he may want yet it also allows him perks. He may be isolated and often sad, but at times he feels great joy. Hence the line "But if you could just see the beauty. These things I could never describe. These pleasures a wayward distraction This is my wonderful prize." So there is a payoff to his condition. He has settled and accepted what he believes is his fate; somehow he's made it work for him. Curtis was a genius.