The Grudge

Sorry for the length of this. It's a paper I wrote in school about the grudge. Let me know what you guys think.

Letting go is the sometimes the hardest thing to do in life.  Moving on is hard whether we are facing a death or holding a grudge.  Both circumstances take an emotional toll, but they can be amplified by an unwillingness to let the past rest.  Perhaps the hardest part about situations like these is that the longer we hold on to the past, the stronger its grip is on our lives.  The Grudge, by Tool, is the first song from their album, Lateralus.  Simply defined, a grudge is a “feeling of deep-seated resentment or ill will”. A grudge is more than a surface unwillingness; a grudge takes on a personality, it grows in strength, and it eventually controls our life.  Destruction is the only outcome for someone who cannot escape the deadly grip of a grudge — he has to let go.  
In the first line, Maynard James Keenan, Tool’s lead singer, describes the grudge as a “crown of negativity”.  Crowns are usually seen as something glorious, brilliant, and beautiful; Keenan takes this symbol of power and authority and twists it into something dark and terrifying, but the idea of power is retained.  He is almost saying we are imbued with some sort of negative power when we allow this grudge to define us.  He goes on to say, “Calculate what we will or will not tolerate/ Desperate to control all and everything”.  With this false sense of power created by a grudge, the person becomes filled with a sense of being able to control everything around them.  Typically, with the presence of a grudge comes a plan for revenge.  A person wearing this crown of negativity is oftentimes so blinded by it they are unable see the limits of their power.  

I believe the next line, “Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen,” is an allusion to Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter. The antagonist in this book, Roger Chillingworth, is seeking revenge on his ex-wife. He believes that she has committed an act of adultery against him. His quest for revenge consumes him so much that it affects his external appearance. His ex-wife’s lover, Arthur Dimmesdale, dies before Chillingworth is able to exact his revenge. Chillingworth soon follows him. His life had become so intertwined with his grudge that they were interdependent. When the source of power, the target, of his grudge was gone, the life drained out of him. He died with nothing. Just like Keenan said in his song, “Clutch it like a cornerstone/otherwise it all comes down/justify denials and grip it to the lonesome end”. A cornerstone is the source of stability for any building. It needs to be solid and immovable. Similarly, a grudge provides stability for a person’s life, no matter how false that stability is. Friends around us may point out how silly we are, but the holder is blinded by power. Part of us is, “terrified of being wrong,” as Keenan says. In the eyes of the holder, if he is found to be wrong, he will be put in an ”ultimatum prison cell”.
If the song ended here, we would be without hope — locked away in a prison cell, left to our own devices. But Keenan tells us, “Saturn ascends/choose one or ten/hang on or be humbled again”. The reference to Saturn ascending is an astrological idea of changes in life associated with the completion of a revolution by Saturn around the earth. At this time in life, a choice has to be made. When he says “one or ten,” I believe he uses this to express to polar opposites. There is no middle ground; either the grudge is given up or held on to for another period of life. The one glimmer of hope here is the presence of a choice. Despite all of the power the grudge has, we can still choose to cast it away.
Even though Keenan provides a way for escape, he does not want us to become complacent; he reminds us of the only outcome if we choose to hang on to the grudge. If we are “wear[ing] the grudge like a crown/desperate to control/unable to forgive,” then we will be “sinking deeper”. This begs the question, deeper into what? I believe when a grudge comes to be, it is born out of reason. We were wronged in some way, but as a grudge lingers in our mind it begins to create a false reality. The truth we see with our eyes becomes distorted when it passes through the filter of the grudge. The grudge becomes “defining, confining, [and] controlling”. Our real self is buried away within our subconscious; seemingly powerless to regain control. So we continue downward.
Then “Saturn comes back around to show you everything”. Now is the time to make a choice. This stanza is the first time in the song that Keenan refers to the grudge as a stone. He says, “[the grudge] drags you down like a stone”. The other option is to be treated like “a child, light and innocent”. The process of separating ourselves from the grudge is not easy. We have to completely humble ourselves to the level of a child. He is saying there must be a return to innocence; all of the unnecessary weight in life must be eradicated. All the “[calculations of] what we will or will not tolerate,” and the “[desperations] to control all and everything,” serve only to complicate and fill our life with meaningless pursuits that waste any chance we have of living. We must be like a child because only a renaissance of innocence will bring freedom from this “cold and fated anchor”.
Finally, Keenan begs us to “give away the stone/let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor/give away the stone/let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold”. His imagery of the oceans and waters is an allusion to baptism. A thorough cleansing is necessary for change, but with change comes reward. If this trial in life is endured, then “these leaden grudges will be turned into gold”. Perseverance breeds greatness. Keenan breaks down in the end of the song. He lets out a passionate scream — I envision him falling to his knees with his hands on his head. He knows he must let go, has to let go. He begins whispering “[l]et go, let go, let go…,” over and over, almost chanting it. The song crescendos as he chants louder and louder until he is screaming “let go!” He knows where the grudge is taking him; he sees the destruction waiting for him if he cannot let go. Change is never easy, but he has to try.
A grudge begins in reason but transforms into a powerful entity capable of destroying lives. The only way to escape the endless spiral of increasing desperation to control everything around us is to choose to change. No matter how attractive the crown is, we need to take it off. Maynard James Keenan begs us to throw away “this cold and fated anchor,” but no one can make us let go, it must come from within. In the end, it is up to us…it always has been.