The Modern Leper

I really don't think this is about drugs. At all. Not of any kind, including alcohol. This is all about his mental state, how he is.

First off, it's modern leper. Not a leper of old, where you risk losing body parts. In our society today, most of our focus is on emotional and mental wellbeing. So a modern leper is someone who's losing himself in that way, not physically.

To me, he blends in, you wouldn't know him by sight. He's losing himself, parts of who he is, and he doesn't care because he's so far gone.

The part that sells this to me is well I've crippled your heart a hundred times and still can't work out why, see I've got this disease that I can't shake and I'm just rattling through life.

Anyone who's dealt with depression, especially depersonalization, knows that it's not something that you can just brush off, and it leaves you drifting in everything you do. If you've ever dealt with someone like that, you know how crushing it can be, trying to help, and not able to do anything because they can't shake it. When you're in that kind of state, depressed, not sure of yourself, unable to feel anything, one of the few things that can break through is a kind of odd desperation. You're surrounded by these people that are doing everything they can think of to help you, and you know it's hurting them when it doesn't work, but they keep trying. Sometimes you have to wonder if they are some kind of masochist to keep trying. You can't help but hurt them, so for them to keep trying is sometimes only explained by them being a masochist of somekind.

Not necessarily healthy, but that's kind of what it's about.

The more he loses the things keeping him going, the less it makes sense, the harder it is for him to keep going. And I think at the end, he's kind of starting to come around.

If I don't make any sense, it's because I've been having a bad night.