Lyric discussion by countess of persia 

i think that summer babe is assigning value to these lyrics without warrant. referring to her analysis of the first verse, she is filling in the gaps in the narrative way too liberally.

"in fact" it is one of the only "straight narratives" in the pavement discog. really? in fact? come on.

firstly, summer babe instantly assumes that malkmus is speaking from the first person, but under a different persona. justification given by summerbabe? none. i'm not going to critique it line by line, but i'll offer my (much simpler) opinion:

a blind date is taking a chance. his date is a person who likes taking chances. chancer. easy. it also rhymes. double easy.

why did they go dutch? because malkmus (the redneck, wait, no) is poor? no. because when you have an awful blind date, you split the check, which is the civil thing to do.

a redder shade of neck on a whiter shade of trash describes the date -- likely a back-home, deep-south kinda girl. a fundamentalist christian, maybe?

the emory board is giving him a rash. ever try to talk to a lovely lady who is being completely disrespectful during an argument and pulls out her filing board to work on her nails instead of looking at you? classic female move to divert her attention.

i'm... flat out (classic malkmus thought fragment/misdirection).

you're so beautiful to look at when you cry (kinda cryptic, i'm not really sure. it's obvious she's upset with stephen.)

the movie adaptation line -- the date was a scene from a movie? or is she being quiet, refusing to continue their argument, thereby becoming an extra? this interpretation ties in with my interpretation of the chorus.

i believe the chorus mocks what the argument is about: stephen's use of the phrase "oh my god" during the date. he sings "oh my god, oh your god, oh his god, oh her god" trying to emphasize the silliness of the "lord's name in vain" rule that she's trying to hold him to. moral imposition.

the shady lane signifies personal comfort. he goes on this date looking for his shady lane, and so does she. what they find is that their world's collide, and all he ever wanted was a pepsi -- or no, wait, just a shady lane.

the date was ruined because of the phrase "oh my god" and she, like so many christians i know, refused to argue, saying, "that's my belief, you don't have to agree with me." all that he wants is a shady lane.

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also, this is an interpretation. it very possibly is wrong. in all likelihood, it probably is.

@countess of persia You are more correct than all of em

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