Hold On, Hold On

Hmm...I think I'll throw caution to the winds and dive into a line-by-line immersion scenario:

I think the lines about "in the end I was the mean girl...in-between girl" are about who she can't help being when she's around her "own blood" -- they see her a certain way and so it becomes dangerous for her to stay because they won't let her change and become someone she wants to be, someone she can like -- she can never get past halfway, that "in-between". In the end then, what's are the two sides of "between"? The devil and the deep blue sea, if you want to infer that. Screwed, as the last person said. So she chooses the devil, meaning strangers, superficial and unknowable, because what's unfamiliar to her looks far safer than what she knows, and knows will hurt her. Saddest is that the devil/strangers are preferable to the loneliness of the deep blue sea (which is what we are taught from the blood that we know), even though she knows better. So when she leaves the party alone, she's grateful (to "god", not the devil now, interestingly enough) for having done something less self-destructive this time; BUT the cynicism is still there in the valium from a bride who's wedding day is obviously not the joyous occasion it's cracked up to be if she's handing out the drugs herself. Valium is the drug that blots out sadness, that insulates from pain, keeps you numb. And that's the "happy ending" she was waiting for, right there, the one she's supposed to "hold on" for -- the bride has just thrown a shadow across that light at the end of the tunnel, and what's left, what's real, is only the devil now. That's as funny as "real love", right? And straggling away from the wedding alone, in the middle of the night, the devil seems as real as true love, which is ... nada. nada. nada. The way I'm interpreting it, this song carves into me a desperate longing for something real and true and authentic, but makes it awfully hard to resist the diving board into a whiskey bottle while I'm feeling "her" pain... Man, she has a way with words.