(T)- Tom
(M)- Mark
(S)- Satan

(T)- I’m gonna come back and I’m gonna start, I’m gonna start a therapeutic massage center only for for
(M)- I’M GONNA START MY OWN NUDIST COLONY!
(T)- That’d b gross, we tried that in our bus one time
(M)- I tried to start a nudist colony one time on our bus and it wuz pretty much jus me hangin out naked…. They love u Tom
(T)- THEY LOVE ME SO FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE!!!
(M)- yea, fuck all u guys out there that r cheering we hate u Tom u suck dick burn in hell
(T) yea fuck that, hey I say, I say fuck the hating Tom thing, that’s what I say, r we ready Mark?
(M)- Ya know what it is, ya know wut it iz… a lot of these people r now jus jumpin on the ‘we hate Tom band wagon’ I’ve been hatin Tom since like 1995 I’m old skool hatin Tom guy
(T)- o shit… hey let’s all say sum dirty words EVERY1 SAY FUCK (fuck)… EVERYONE SAY SHIT (shit)… EVERY1 SAY DICK (dick)… everyone say Mark’s an asshole (Mark’s an asshole)
(M)- every1 say, every1 say we hate Mark (we hate Mark) YEA!
(T)- hey now let’s do this one every1 say FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK!! (fuck fuck shit fuck), That’s the kinda words you should b usin at home kids….
(M)- That’s right
(T)- What do we do now?
(M)- I want everyone to call me an asshole again
(T)- What's up I like your hair, it very nice
(M)- You like his hair o that’s cool he prolly appreciates that a lot
(T)- no I wanted to say I liked his butt but I thought that was too forward, ya know
(M)- Hey this next songs for all the ladies in the HEZOWS….It’s for all the ladies in the
(T)- Hey Mark
(M- in the HEOWAOWZOWWS!!…
(T)- Hey Mark, shut the fuck up
(M)- it’s for all the ladies in the HEYOWZEOAOWS!! weeeee…..hey ya know what hang on, I wanna make this like a big golf...
(T)- ::BURPS:: excuse me
(M)- excuse Tom
(T)- Sorry
(M)- I wanna make this like a big golf tournament everyone shut up, everyone jus clap like it’s a golf tournament (crowd claps)
(T)- That’s what it sound like when I get done having sex…15,000 people cheerin me on, I COULD TAKE ALL OF U IN MY BED RIGHT FUCKIN NOW!!! But you're not invited Mark… You have got giant boobs and I doubt your 18,do u have a note from your mom? I wanna meet your mom
(M)- HEY PUT THOSE 13 YEAR OLD BOOBS AWAY! If I wanted to c 13 year old boobs I’d hang out by the junior high like my dad does
(T)- hey ya know what I learned in 5th grade?
(M)- What, your dad has a bent wiener?
(T)- My dad’s wiener was bigger than mine then and.. still is…
(M)- I want everyone here 2 scream, fuck you Tom we fuckin hate you your gonna burn in hell and die a horrible fiery death cause we think you’re a stupid piece of shit (crowd repeats)
(T)- I heard that
(M)- Thanx
(T)- Wanna give me your shirt? This smells like blood and ficeses… dinner time…hey what does this say here…
(M)- It smells like blood and ficeses so it’s your dad's shirt?
(T)- Hey just like any other band we believe in a safe form of sex don’t we Mark? That we do, so Mark’s gonna tell you about how safe we are
(M)- Lemme tell you about the safest form of sex it’s when u get super, drunk, drunk and u have sex with like 10 people totally unprotected and u do intervenes drugs at the same time… no that’s not true
(T)- Not true u gotta carry a weapon…. How many of you guys have girlfriends and how many of your girlfriends have guy friends? I hope your not having sex
(M)- And more importantly how many of your girlfriends have girlfriends?
(T)- Cause we believe in the love that exists between two vaginas
(M)- The most special love of all is the love that exists between two naked women while I watch
(T)- We need her to put her shirt back on
(M)- Please
(T)- It just took away my boner, my boner jus died, I had one and now it’s gone
(M)- Please I saw your boobs and my wiener ran away…. Hey hey hey hang on every1 seriously I need your attention for a second please I think somebody lost a contact down here so, every1 look around a contact lens, somebody lost a contact lens, so could
(T)- I lost my virginity
(M)- Keep an eye out for it
(T)- I lost a testicle, hey what if testicles were things you could lose on an everyday bases that’d suck, u only got 3… Hey I gotta go pee pee
(M)- Wanna go pee and I’ll talk to the kids for a second
(T)- Do u think you could talk for enough time?
(M)- No uh-uh
(T)- Why don’t you gather your thoughts…
(M)- Why don’t you wet your pants and we’ll call it even
(T)- Should I jus piss in my pants right here? If u guys alllll each pitch in a dollar each I’ll piss my pants right here and now, that should make me about 200 dollars maybe
(M)- I’ll give u 300 dollars to piss your pants right now
(T)- I’ll give you 400 bucks to eat my shit
(M)- SOLD!!!
(T)- SOLD!!!…. apparently there’s a kid that’s hurt right now, I think they’re helping him out right now, looks like there right there
(M)- Make a hole people, make a hole
(T)- All you people over there make way for the hurt kid, and bring me their wallet
(M)- I wish now, ya know lemme tell you guys sumthing…
(T)- I’m gay
(M)- There’s thousands and thousands of people here today there’s like semis and fuckin buses and multiple bands and all kinds of shit and I wish now I would of taken Bass lessons
(T)- So do I, I wish he did to
(M)- sorry, sorry… I’m thinking next year for Christmas I’m gonna ask for lessons
(T) ::Singing:: I know a guy, he has sex with his sister, he used his dick to pop her 4 foot blister and I know it’s not that kool, he fucked her in my swimming pool, he’s got 3 testicles and he, he loves to uh…. Do shit… FUCK YEA!!!!… hey how come every time we say a joke it has to be about fuck and sex masturbation and sex or anything gross like that ya know
(M)- Is there anything else in the world?
(T)- There’s nothing else to talk about
(M)- Hey can you help that little girl outta there she’s like not having so much fun right now hey
(T)- uh excuse me security guard sir
(M)- The one right in front of you yea
(T)- That girl right there needs to come out… if you’re a small person the front is not the best view, and if u uh hate sing shitty bands any of this is not a good view, this whole everything, everything here… Mark’s middle name is uh Rebecca, they thought he was
(M)- That’s right, that’s right my middle name is Rebecca cause my dad wanted a girl, he treats me like one
(T)- I still have to go pee and I’m holding it in still, but I’ll piss my pants for money, I’ll eat a nugget of my own poop for 20 bucks, I’ll pay u 20 bucks and I’ll eat it
(M)- You shave your ass
(T)- You have hair on nothing but your balls, hey did u guys know that Mark has no hair on his whole body but a fuckin wolverine growin in his pants I swear to god, it’s got teeth and shit
(M)- It’s true
(T)- He’s got a scary looking penis
(M)- It’s true, I need your tax deductible donations to the shave Mark balls program
(T)- It’s a charity kids
(M)- Send what u can, donate your time
(T)- You guys think we’re touring for our own no, this is a charity tour for Mark’s balls
(M)- We’re tryin to raise enough money to shave my nuts, please give generously
(T)- There’s no metal strong enough to be the teeth on any kind of electric shaver… What do we do now, o I need a new guitar
(M)- We need a new guitar, we need a new guitarist, anyone out there know how to play guitar? yea right there
(T)- Does anyone know how to play guitar cause… I’m not very good, people don’t really respect me
(M)- If I was a girl every time I went to the gynecologist I’d fake an orgasm
(T)- Bad kids
(M)- Bad Christmas spirit
(T)- Bad Christmas spirit
(M)- Hey ok I need light now
(T)- we’re gonna point out every kid that didn’t sing
(M)- Santa Clause is gonna come to your house and shit under all your trees
(T)- Santa clause is gonna come rape your dog… o god ya know wut, I’m kind of ashamed of being myself today and yesterday, and the day before that, not really proud of who I am and how I look, ever have one of those days where u don’t even like what you're wearing ya know don’t like how your hair looks and kinda bummed about how your penis is so small and bent and weird…that’s the ugliest butt that I have ever seen, LET’S HEAR IT FOR NOT WHIPPING!! Stupid butt whiping dude brings down the rain forest, ok this is a song I wrote
(M)- That guy has a science fair project up his ass
(T)- What heads up 7UP? Alright everyone close their eyes and if I come by and stick my finger in your butt you’re the one…. I think Satan has a couple of comments
(S)- Well kids it’s been a really fun show and I want you all to know that we will come back soon, but before I go I wanna say that I think Tom is extremely good looking and all the girls out there should think he’s good looking, Tom has one of the best butts that I have ever seen, shimmy shimmy coco puff shimmy shimmy right shimmy shimmy coco puffs, does anybody here wanna sleep with me I’m really a nice guy, it’s really not Satan
(T)- It’s me, it’s not Satan let’s all be happy he’s not here say FUCK SATAN(fuck Satan), alright hey I’m out of jokes and out of songs I think we’re done

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