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I'll give you careless amounts of out right
Acceptance if you want it. I'll give you
Encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it.
You can speak of anger and doubts,
Your fears and freak-outs and I'll hold it.
You can share your so-called
Shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it.
And there are no strings attached,
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
And you owe me nothing in return.
You can ask for space for yourself
And only yourself and I'll grant it.
You can ask for freedom as well
Or time to travel and you'll have it.
You can ask to live by yourself
Or love someone else and I'll support it.
You can ask for anything you want
Anything at all and I'll understand it.
I bet you're wondering when
The next payback shoe will eventually drop.
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up.
I bet you're wondering how far you have now danced your way back into dead.
This is the only kind of love
As I understand it that there really is.
You can express your deepest of truths
Even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it.
You can fall into the abyss
On the way to your bliss
And I'll empathize with.
You can say that you'll have to skip town
To chase your passion and I'll hear it.
You can even hit rock bottom, have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it.
Acceptance if you want it. I'll give you
Encouragement to choose the path that you want if you need it.
You can speak of anger and doubts,
Your fears and freak-outs and I'll hold it.
You can share your so-called
Shame filled accounts of times in your life and I won't judge it.
And there are no strings attached,
You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give.
You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have.
I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege,
And you owe me nothing in return.
You can ask for space for yourself
And only yourself and I'll grant it.
You can ask for freedom as well
Or time to travel and you'll have it.
You can ask to live by yourself
Or love someone else and I'll support it.
You can ask for anything you want
Anything at all and I'll understand it.
I bet you're wondering when
The next payback shoe will eventually drop.
I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up.
I bet you're wondering how far you have now danced your way back into dead.
This is the only kind of love
As I understand it that there really is.
You can express your deepest of truths
Even if it means I'll lose you and I'll hear it.
You can fall into the abyss
On the way to your bliss
And I'll empathize with.
You can say that you'll have to skip town
To chase your passion and I'll hear it.
You can even hit rock bottom, have a mid-life crisis and I'll hold it.
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I think it is about being very much in love with somebody, to the point of obsession maybe, and that the other person owes you nothing in return for whatever you do for them. They can treat you in whatever way they want, because you'll always have their back, support them, be there for them. If they need space, support, love or acceptance, you will be the one they can call on. You will give all of your time and energy to make them feel loved, and deep in your heart that's what you really want to feel yourself. But it's not a matter of course that they will do the same things for you. It is not the type of love that is based on giving and taking, and there is really only one person who benefits from it. It is not equal or right, but the humble "giver" keeps hanging on because they have a tiny bit of hope that they will be loved fully in return. And if that doesn't happen, they'll just keep trying harder.
As for the rest, I think Prisoner.I.Was has already summed up my take on this song very well.
She's not allowing herself to be taken advantage of in any way at all. She is a willing participant who knows exactly what the relationship is worth to her ("It's my privilege"), which is much more than many people can articulate. If any of the named scenarios occur, she clearly trusts he will be honest and come forward to her in the first place. Hence, so long as they maintain the open channels, they are worthy of one another. The song is commentary on how rare such a view (or practice!) is -- Observe that the entire song is an effort to spell out the terms and convince him that she actually means them, in spite of his disbelief. Also, how healthy it is -- implied by the tone in which the narrator is earnest and has considered the possible outcomes (each given scenario) and alternative views ("This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is"). Alanis's comment (quoted in deenice's comment) confirms this.
To me, the song also brings to mind very strongly the relationship between two characters in the novel Atlas Shrugged and fits into a framework of Objectivist morality. From the novel: "There's nothing that you owe me, no duty that you have to consider...I want nothing from you except what you wish to give me...to know that the joy you give me is paid for by the joy you get from me--not by your suffering or mine. I don't accept sacrifices and I don't make them. If you asked me for more than you meant to me, I would refuse...I'd hate [scenario] more than I can tell you. But if that were your choice, I would accept it." -Ayn Rand, 394-95, Signet paperback edition.
Anyway, aren't lyrics in many ways akin to poetry? Now call me crazy, but I believe that with poetry you can't actually be wrong. Perhaps Alanis did mean for this to be a song about the true definition of love, but if another interpretation makes just as much sense, why can't people view it in another way? Another reason people might take an interpretation like the one I took is because it's a stance Alanis takes in a lot of her songs. 'Hands Clean', 'You Oughta Know' etc. are all generally about lovers chewing their significant others up and spitting them out. Maybe that means 'You Owe Me...' is just an anomoly, I'm not throwing that theory away at all, but it could also be continuing the recurring theme in a lot of her songs.
This is SO my favorite song by her (I am a man being my 2nd), and YES, I STRONGLY feel that the lyrics are honest and straight forward as stating what true love really IS. I often use it as an example when explaining how I approach love, including that key line about loving others CONCURRENTLY... I want my beloveds to be happy, whatever accomplishes that.
That said, my exwife and several girlfriends have told me that this is supposed to be sarcastic, in the same sense as "Spineless" is demonstrating an abusive relationship. I say "Bullsh*t" as both songs seem quite clear about what they are saying, good or bad. Apparently 'Prisoner' above agrees with the ex?
Yes, many people ARE too selfish to actually give this kind of selfless love (note "EX-wife" above), but as AM says, this is the only kind of love there REALLY is. I don't love people expecting something back as a TRADE... I love because I do, and HOPE they will reciprocate, but it's still loving them either way. No, I don't sit around and pine for people who don't reciprocate, but their returning my love is not a requirement of my loving them even if ultimately a requirement of staying with them.
Beautiful song... Rock on!
Source: msopr.com/mso/…
I'm not sure, it just seems to me to be a kind of critique on people who bend over backwards for their lovers no matter what they might do and don't care if the other person reciprocates.