Lyrics for Lamc as interpreted by zekey baby

Lamc Lyrics
(dialtone, touch-tone dialing, ring, ring)

Thank you for calling the Los Angeles Municipal Court.
This is an automated system that can handle most inquiries.
If after using this system, your question is not answered,
please, stay on the line
and a representative will be with you shortly.

If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, please press 1.
If you are calling from a cellular phone, please press 2.
If you are calling from a pay phone, please press 3.
If you are calling from a car phone, please press 4.
If you are calling from a secret-spy phone, please press 5.
If you are calling from a princess, phone, please press 6
If you are calling from a car fax, please press 7.
and If you are calling from a rotary phone, please, stay on the line

Make your selection at any time.

(touch-tone 1)

Make your selection at any time.

(three touch-tone 1's)

For information in English, please press 1.
For information in Spanish, please press 2.
For information in Japanese, please press 3.
For information in Chinese, please press 4.
For information in Dutch, please press 5.
For information in Latvian, please press 6.
For information in French, please press 7.
For information in Yiddish, please press 8.
For information in Ig-pay Atin-lay, lease-pay ress-pay ine-nay.

(touch-tone 1)

If you are responding to a notice from the City Attorney's office, press 3.
To check the amount due on a parking ticket, press 4.
If you believe you are ticketed in error because your disabled person
placard or your preferential parking permit was clearly displayed, or
your vehicle is disabled, press 5.
For all other traffic related matters, press 6.

(long touch-tone 6)

Please make a selection at any time.

(three touch-tone 6's)

For traffic school information, press 1.
For payment inormation, press 2.
For court locations, press 3.
For general ticket and warrant information, press 4.
For court appearance and bail information, press 5.
For traffic court appointment information, press 6.

(four touch-tone 6's)

If you need to make a traffic court appointment, please press 1,
unless you have not filled out a DD form 3018, in which case,
please press 2. To receive a blank DD form 3018, please come
down to the Los Angeles Municipal Court building during normal
business hours. If you have filled out DD form 3018, but have
not reported to the City Attorney's office, please press 3.

If you are not receiving physical therapy but have a relative that
voted 'no' on Proposition 187 * and have collected a notarized waiver
from said relative, and have attached said waiver in triplicate to
said form, please press 4, unless of course, said relative is not
a naturalized citizen, in which case, please press 5.

If you are receiving physical therapy from a naturalized citizen but
have not voted 'yes' or 'no' on Proposition 187 and have not reported
to the City Attorney, but have filled out form DD 3018, please
press 6.

Of course, if you have not had your eyes tested by your local
Department of Motor Vehicles in the last three years, in which case
press 7. If you have had your eyes tested AND voted 'yes' on
Proposition 187, and have your DD form 3018 filled out and
have already reported to the City Attorney but have never been called
in for jury duty, press 8.

(touch-tone entry)

Make your selection at any time.

(here begins the touch-tone frenzy)

Make your selection at any time.

The system is waiting for a touch tone entry.
The system is waiting for a touch tone entry.

There is a possibility that you have made an error in
selecting your message. Please try again.

The system is waiting for a touch tone entry.

There is a possibility that you have made an error in
selecting your message. Please try again.

I'm sorry, but we are unable to interpret your request.
Please call back during normal business hours.

(CLICK ... sound of dialing)

Thank you for calling the Los Angeles Municipal Court.
This is an automated system that can handle most inquiries.
If after using this system, your question is not answered,
please, stay on the line
and a representative will be with you shortly.

(fades out on)
If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, please press 1.
If you are calling from a cellular phone, please press 2.

* Proposition 187 was a Californian measure put to the voters, aimed at
preventing illegal immigrants from obtaining welfare and other social
benefits. Californians voted yes to it in 1994, although its
enforceability and legality in the US appear to be under question.

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  • 23 Comments
  • Printer Friendly Lyrics
paga105
04-10-2002

Rated 0 
is this an actual song or what???


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*SoBeR~STiNKFiST*
05-11-2002

Rated 0 
this is an actual tool song wich you can hear on the Salival album

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~CoDeSeVeN~
05-28-2002

Rated 0 
this song is so god damn annoying, but if ur high its kinda tweeky= )

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Justin-Tool
06-06-2002

Rated 0 
Alright, since no one has any idea what the hell this means, ill give u my idea. MAynard was quoted on saying that the LA Municipal Court is a place that you would only want to visit once, just like the song. ( taking into consideration the repition of the song, though i still like it a lot). Anyway, I infer that Maynard is refering to the lawsuit with former manager over Tool's rights to seek out other record labels. Since Tool is LA based, this is possibly where the trial took place....
Though the case never went to court, it would have and this is a place that no one, espically Tool would ever want to visit.. more than once....


Though it could also be interpreted as a metaphor for the inaneness of U.S. Courts and how pointless they are, this was auctually my original interpratation.

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noneedfordav
07-13-2002

Rated 0 
LOL! This song is funny as HELL

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noneedfordav
07-13-2002

Rated 0 
I got Salival today, I'm so happy. Extra rareness bonus for being in UK AND getting the DVD!

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KOK
07-25-2002

Rated 0 
Hey, its dav from Gfaqs w00t, oh man im sad.

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AscendingAE
08-20-2002

Rated 0 
This song is about Danny Carey being taken to court and I think jailed for unpaid parking tickets. This song sorta explains why he didnt pay them.

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riot4life
09-05-2002

Rated 0 
If you pay attention, the guitar sounds in the background increase by 1 every time until the end of the message when they start over again. There is a slight pause when they stop every time, and the next time is 1 more beat. By the end of the message, there are 30 beats. Kinda wierd but it is easy to hear if you know what to look for. I also like the song "Maynard's Dick" which follows shortly after. You know you are awesome when you can write a song about your own penis, and other people listen to it and laugh.

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J.J.
03-16-2003

Rated 0 
This song is kinda freaky, like most of TOOL's "spoken" songs.

The contrast between the pleasant voice of the woman and the blaring, harsh background music is quite disturbing.

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slickhead
06-29-2004

Rated 0 
Am I the only one wondering why they offer 'Pig-Latin' as the 9th choice of language?

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jarbs
01-08-2005

Rated 0 
Or why you would call in on a secret-spy phone, or a princess phone....

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Manatee Hunter
04-25-2005

Rated 0 
I wonder if this is an actual recording from LAMC... Knowing Tool and all...

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ribcaged
05-27-2005

Rated 0 
It says, distinctly at the beginning,
"If after using this system, your question is not answered,
please, stay on the line
and a representative will be with you shortly"
yet when they system becomes confused about what the want to do, it stops the call. So they try again with the same result. Maybe this is some sort of dig at the general struture of the Govenerment and how everything is being replaced by inadaqute automation?

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tin_soldier
01-25-2006

Rated 0 
Was maynard ever sued or another member of TooL sued? That could be the song. still can't scratch below the surface though.....

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Manatee Hunter
02-02-2006

Rated 0 
Actually the whole band got sued. Twice. Once by Volcano (but then the band couter sued Volcano, and Volcano in term just dropped the charges). As for the other time, I dunno, look it up...

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The_Drummers_Angel
05-05-2006

Rated 0 
Okay I realize the lyrics have a meaning of their own, but if you think about the annoyance of recorded messages and "please press this button to do this" is VERY annoying. The "music" reminds me of someone hitting their head against a wall in frustration. I just thought it was kinda funny.

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septimusphoenix
06-11-2006

Rated 0 
it think it's not only complaining about the annoyance of such things, but making fun of logic in general...like how danny was unable to pay his fines becasue of a stupid phone system..so the courts instantly think he's ignoring the charges...could also be making fun of the political correctness that now overflows our lives, like we can't mention christmas anymore because it may offend someone...think of that southpark episode...that may be the reason for the piglatin mentioning

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FromGreenToRed
06-13-2006

Rated 0 
The constant beat of the drums/guitar is almost hypnotic. Very trippy song. I prefer Maynards Dick after it though.

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Az Iz
07-20-2006

Rated 0 
In agree!! People should be proud of themselves if they are "politically incorrect"...

Besides... political correctness is just another form of control that governments and secret governments use on their own people around the world... including the Illuminati... and they're using hollywood and public magazines with famous people to pull it off too... That's why I never watch TV unless I'm watching TBN or the history channel, or poker or any sports.

It amazes me how people let other people rule their lives, but maybe it's because they're to lazy or too stupid to do so themselves.... But we certainly know one thing... if you don't run your own life, someone else can and will.

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820
12-05-2006

Rated 0 
I don't think it's quite so deep... the reason being that Maynard stated in a 2001 interview, transcribed here,

http://toolshed.down.net/articles/index.php?action=view-article&id=January_2001--Farmclub.com.html

that this song is "a tribute to life in Los Angeles," and supposed to be a look at "how sick the red tape is out here." On an unrelated note, Danny Carey was never jailed for unpaid parking tickets. I don't know where that idea came from.

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g0nzo_the14th
01-21-2007

Rated 0 
yeah, it just demonstrates the frustrated monotony of living in the modern world and is a tongue in cheek pisstake of the exhasperating automated bureocracy that seems to breed all over the place...

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J95SE
11-01-2008

Rated 0 
I like to think of the thumping noise as the caller banging his head against the wall.

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