So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
I'll need tonight to sit and think about this
Think what to do.
I'll take some strength to banish hollow sorrow.
Hollow sorrow's nothing new.
Just enough strength to last until tomorrow
Until I believe in my soul.
Tonight I lost sight of all purpose
Despite all this trickery you told me was right.
I was such a good boy I let you hold the door
So kind, so nice, where's my prize?
(That's all there ever is) Oh yeah yeah yeah?
(That's all there ever was) Ah you must be fucking joking.
(The same for everyone) Oh yes. Yes yes.
Would you repeat that. Break it to me gently,
Stand over there.
Oh I know I was an arrogant boy but I let you hold the door
Oh I was kind. I was nice, where's the prize?
And I'm on the train from New Street
To Euston. I'm going out to Harrow again
And I'm trying to get the feeling
That I had in nineteen seventy two.
Oh but you're going too fast for me here,
I'm saying, wait a minute there, wait a minute there
Hold it, stop! Let me get this clear
(That's all there ever is) oh yeah yeah yeah?
(That's all there ever was) yes, yes. ha ha ha.
(The same for everyone) Oh yes. yes. yes.
You see I know what this is, I know
What's going on here, this is just the difference between
It's the battle between the body and the soul. The spirit
And what's needed here
What I intend to do now is I'm going to punish my body.
I'll punish the body to believe in the soul, I will punish
my body, until I believe in my soul
Think what to do.
I'll take some strength to banish hollow sorrow.
Hollow sorrow's nothing new.
Just enough strength to last until tomorrow
Until I believe in my soul.
Tonight I lost sight of all purpose
Despite all this trickery you told me was right.
I was such a good boy I let you hold the door
So kind, so nice, where's my prize?
(That's all there ever is) Oh yeah yeah yeah?
(That's all there ever was) Ah you must be fucking joking.
(The same for everyone) Oh yes. Yes yes.
Would you repeat that. Break it to me gently,
Stand over there.
Oh I know I was an arrogant boy but I let you hold the door
Oh I was kind. I was nice, where's the prize?
And I'm on the train from New Street
To Euston. I'm going out to Harrow again
And I'm trying to get the feeling
That I had in nineteen seventy two.
Oh but you're going too fast for me here,
I'm saying, wait a minute there, wait a minute there
Hold it, stop! Let me get this clear
(That's all there ever is) oh yeah yeah yeah?
(That's all there ever was) yes, yes. ha ha ha.
(The same for everyone) Oh yes. yes. yes.
You see I know what this is, I know
What's going on here, this is just the difference between
It's the battle between the body and the soul. The spirit
And what's needed here
What I intend to do now is I'm going to punish my body.
I'll punish the body to believe in the soul, I will punish
my body, until I believe in my soul
Lyrics submitted by yuri_sucupira
Until I Believe in My Soul Lyrics as written by Kevin Rowland James Paterson
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
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