So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life I can't control
They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know, I'm so tired of it all?
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that's fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tightrope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please, tell me please
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can try, I can try, I can try, I can try
No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
Stormy days ain't over
Tried and lost now I think that I pay the cost
I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after all
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can wait, I can wait, I can wait, I can wait
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed, well, I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through, I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tightrope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please, tell me please
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Feels like I've been buried yet still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life I can't control
They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know, I'm so tired of it all?
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that's fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tightrope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please, tell me please
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can try, I can try, I can try, I can try
No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
Stormy days ain't over
Tried and lost now I think that I pay the cost
I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after all
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can wait, I can wait, I can wait, I can wait
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed, well, I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through, I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tightrope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please, tell me please
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Lyrics submitted by hermelinus
If I Ever Feel Better Lyrics as written by Christian Mazzalai Chikara Ueda
Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Lyrics powered by LyricFind
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I think it's a song about trying/thinking about trying to be in a relationship as a person suffering from depression. he's saying he wants to spend time with her once (if) he feels better, because it's so hard to be with someone else when you're wrapped up in yourself and just depressed as fuck. I don't think it's a heartbreak song about an ex at all - why would he want to spend some good time with someone/not have their number if they just broke up/had a long, serious relationship? it seems a more light-hearted attachment than that, outside of the depression aspect. fucking great song, anyway. I just wanna have a dance party to it
If they broke up due to him being distant, and he'd want something more/to make it up to them if things were different.