So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
I can see in your eyes that you mean it.
I can feel in your arms that it's true.
And though I just heard myself say it,
Baby, I'm lying to you.
All of these years you've been lonely,
And knowing not what you should do.
And though you are right, I've been looking as well.
Babe, I'm not looking for you.
I'm just as damn disappointed as you,
Only I just do better to hide it.
And the one thing that keeps me from falling for you,
Is I'm truly alone and I like it.
As we lie in bed I feel lonely,
Though we're young, I feel eighty years old.
And your arms around me are keeping me warm.
But baby, I'm still feeling cold.
And girl you must know you are lovely,
You're kind and you're beautiful too.
And I feel in some way I do love you
But babe, I'm not in love with you.
It may seem strange that still I stay with you,
If it's true you're not really the one.
And why don't I just keep on looking for her?
Because I found her and now she is gone.
I can feel in your arms that it's true.
And though I just heard myself say it,
Baby, I'm lying to you.
All of these years you've been lonely,
And knowing not what you should do.
And though you are right, I've been looking as well.
Babe, I'm not looking for you.
I'm just as damn disappointed as you,
Only I just do better to hide it.
And the one thing that keeps me from falling for you,
Is I'm truly alone and I like it.
As we lie in bed I feel lonely,
Though we're young, I feel eighty years old.
And your arms around me are keeping me warm.
But baby, I'm still feeling cold.
And girl you must know you are lovely,
You're kind and you're beautiful too.
And I feel in some way I do love you
But babe, I'm not in love with you.
It may seem strange that still I stay with you,
If it's true you're not really the one.
And why don't I just keep on looking for her?
Because I found her and now she is gone.
Lyrics submitted by KittieWriting, edited by MiFaMi, cikaja, DyngSlowly
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I actually cried the first time I heard this song. He goes the entire song saying how he doesn't really love this woman he is with and how he never can or will. Then, in the last line, he reveals why that is:
"It may seem strange that still I stay with you, if it's true you're not really the one. And why don't I just keep on looking for her? Because I found her and now she is gone."
He had "the one." But now she is gone, whether she died or just left him. And now he knows he can never truly love anyone else like he loved this woman, so he'll be lonely for the rest of his life.