So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
"Someway, baby, it's part of me, apart from me"
You're laying waste to Halloween
You fucked it friend, it's on its head, it struck the street
You're in Milwaukee, off your feet
And at once, I knew I was not magnificent
Strayed above the highway aisle
Jagged vacance, thick with ice
But I could see for miles, miles, miles
3rd and Lake, it burnt away, the hallway
Was where we learned to celebrate
Automatic bought the years you'd talk for me
That night you played me Lip Parade
Not the needle, nor the thread, the lost decree
Saying nothing, that's enough for me
And at once, I knew I was not magnificent
Hulled far from the highway aisle
Jagged vacance, thick with ice
But I could see for miles, miles, miles
Christmas night, it clutched the light, the hallow bright
Above my brother, I and tangled spines
We smoked the screen to make it what it was to be
Now to know it in my memory
And at once, I knew I was not magnificent
High above the highway aisle
Jagged vacance, thick with ice
But I could see for miles, miles, miles
You're laying waste to Halloween
You fucked it friend, it's on its head, it struck the street
You're in Milwaukee, off your feet
And at once, I knew I was not magnificent
Strayed above the highway aisle
Jagged vacance, thick with ice
But I could see for miles, miles, miles
3rd and Lake, it burnt away, the hallway
Was where we learned to celebrate
Automatic bought the years you'd talk for me
That night you played me Lip Parade
Not the needle, nor the thread, the lost decree
Saying nothing, that's enough for me
And at once, I knew I was not magnificent
Hulled far from the highway aisle
Jagged vacance, thick with ice
But I could see for miles, miles, miles
Christmas night, it clutched the light, the hallow bright
Above my brother, I and tangled spines
We smoked the screen to make it what it was to be
Now to know it in my memory
And at once, I knew I was not magnificent
High above the highway aisle
Jagged vacance, thick with ice
But I could see for miles, miles, miles
Lyrics submitted by thuglifeforevs, edited by musemadness, 1name
Holocene Lyrics as written by Justin Deyarmond Edison Vernon
Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
Lyrics powered by LyricFind
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I'm not sure what the song means. I just wanted to share a story. It's probably the most significant moment in my life, and I haven't told it to many people; for some reason just tossing it out onto the internet to whomever comes across it seems fitting.
I was in Baghdad a couple years contracting for some shitty part of the military industrial complex. I hadn't made many friends in Iraq, but I made a couple. One was a guy in the Army who got sent out to D8, this shitty little Forward Base in the middle of Sadr City - 4 square blocks of Baghdad, outside of the Greenzone, separated from the streets by a box of 14 foot T Walls. June 8th (my son's 12th birthday) I found out in The Stars and Stripes - the military newspaper, that he'd been killed by an IRAM attack.
Just before this, my girlfriend, who I was more than in love with, left and moved across the country - she said she was coming back, but I knew. The last time I saw her was when I got on the plane to leave. I think, really, I just wanted to see her one last time. That couldn't be goodbye, not like that.
After the attack my department there all demobilized and left D8, meaning someone had to go. I volunteered. I guess I thought I'd get killed there too, or that I couldn't get killed, I'm still not sure. I landed on the 4th of July. Every day I walked past the memorial cross for my friend but my sunglasses mostly hid the constant crying. It was a really dangerous place, so I slept in the bunker most of the time once I got there and it was real. At some point I broke, completely. The hardest part was the realization that my entire life I'd been an extreme narcissist - not just obsessed with my appearance, but the toxic kind of person so ruled by their own fear and insecurity that they poisoned every one around them, alienated them, hurt them and was always the victim of my own arrogance. It's hard to explain, but it's a profound selfishness, almost like people only exist when you're around.
I listened to this album on repeat, nearly constantly the entire time I was there - constantly shaking with anxiety, consumed with loss, and fear, and self hatred. It was the light breeze that kept my mind from drowning in it's own panicked sweat. I couldn't sleep, I'd chew the skin from my fingers until they bled, walk in circles, anything to keep moving, to think a little less.
I got out, eventually, and on the Blackhawk ride back to my main base over Baghdad in the middle of the night - watching it glitter like billions of stars, watching kids swimming in pools, traffic jams, neon Ferris Wheels - all these people just going on living. It felt like "How could they", after he died, after she left, after I lost, "how could they"? Then, out of somewhere, it just clicked - of course they could, and I just flew back, the desert stretching off forever with:
And at once I knew I was not magnificent High above the highway aisle (Jagged vacance, thick with ice) But I could see for miles, miles, miles
Playing over and over in my head.
I came back a completely different person, and I'm not sure, without this song, I would have. I think it was the first thing in my life I ever truly appreciated, was capable of appreciating.
Probably the best and worst moments in my existence, tied together by this song.
well, i dont know why i am inclined to tell you my name, but i am phillip. i feel your story brother. im glad you shared it with me, with all of us. thank you.
I can't think of any words to describe your story and how it made me feel without sounding insincere or maudlin. It's way more beautiful than I can do justice to. Thank you for sharing it with us. I was wondering if I could post it on my blog, with your permission?
My name is Nonso from Nigeria, Your story is most touching and has gotten to the other end of the world. I cannot begin to phantom what you had to go through during your service in Iraq but glad you shared your story. This song was made for you, came here to find the meaning to this song but your story works fine for me. They should make a movie of your experience in Iraq. Sorry about your friend tho. Best regards Nonso. stretchp.1@facebook.com
hey detroitdregs, just wanted to let you know I'm posting this on my war blog : shadinggrey.wordpress.com/2013/10/06/what-it-means-to-me/<br /> <br /> Thank you for sharing this amazing personal story. I think we've all been there in one way or another. Peace;)
now after reading your story the song make sense so deeply, thank you for sharing your journey...I am from Iran and I am sorry for your loss. It made me feel we all are connected....
Your story brought me to tears. Blessings brother
I just wanted to thank you for sharing this story. It was awesome, and thank you for everything. I can't imagine what you went through during those times, because I'm pretty young. But I went through more junk early in my teenage years than most people go through in a life time, and as a changed person, I can really relate to those feelings you described of self contempt, anguish and fear and then sudden clarity. Really speaks to me.
I think you beautifully summed up the meaning of this song. I use "meaning" loosely here because the language is abstract to a degree where its hard to understand exactly what Justin Vernon was trying say. Despite this, the lyrics are able to culminate within you, and me, and many others a very distinct kind of feeling and realization about life. One that cannot be fully explained through words but only truly felt through self reflection and understanding. Your story conveyed this feeling so strongly that it was like listening to the song again for the first time. It's this feeling that humbles me and sobers me in regards to my own existence. Most importantly it makes me feel alive and human. Your story proves that this feeling is felt by everyone at some point and connects us all on a level far beyond my understanding. I can't thank you enough for sharing.
Im Martin from the Philippines. Been listening to this song from the very start. While listening, I would search for different interpretation and stories out of this song. I would just like to say thank you for this very touching story. Makes want to cry because of how much humbleness it makes me feel. We are truly just a speck in space and time. Our lives, not being magnificent, makes it useless to live life selfleshly. In our tiny lives, in order to make it significant, we must live for others and learn sacrifice. At least that's how I feel everytime I hear the lines "and at once i knew i was not magnificent". I just can't explain the beauty within those lines. A bittersweet life indeed. <br /> <br /> Bye.. And God speed in life..<br /> <br /> "True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less." - C.S. Lewis<br /> <br /> Stop thinking of yourself and think of others because in the end maybe.. just maybe.. that's how we become "magnificent". :)
Your story is incredible. Ive always wondered why people listen to some of the more mainstream/popular when there are artists like Bon Iver that can influence people in<br /> in such positive ways, and make them feel. <br /> <br /> "The hardest part was the realization that my entire life I'd been an extreme narcissist - not just obsessed with my appearance, but the toxic kind of person so ruled by their own fear and insecurity that they poisoned every one around them, alienated them, hurt them and was always the victim of my own arrogance. It's hard to explain, but it's a profound selfishness, almost like people only exist when you're around."<br /> <br /> This line got to me because it explains me perfectly. This may sound kind of weird but those couple of lines truly helped me understand myself, and for that I thank you.<br /> <br /> I really appreciate you sharing.
Heartbreaking and beautiful. I appreciate you posting this.
wow... halfway through reading this, I wanted to comment on it, thinking it would mean something. I thought I would be the only one, but thats because of how rare it is for anyone on the internet to be anything but cruel. I see that its far from the case, people can treat each other with respect and appreciate what they say. I think you nailed it... the best and worst moments. we all have a story to tell. me, 4 months ago I discovered a brain tumor. I was in a relationship with this girl for six years. I knew from the start she simply didn't want to deal with it. it was an obligation to her. I let her go, which was one of the hardest choices I have had to make. but all I am trying to say is... it doesnt matter. at some point we will be able to look at all of our shit with clarity we never imagined. thats what I think it is about. we cant prevent anything, but nor should we want to.
@Detroitdregs Thank you for your service. Life excepts only those how have the ability to rise above their environment, has you have. It doesn't matter how you arrived or the catalyst, you have been welcomed. Seeing with experience eyes has allowed you to touch the life's of others. Congrad's all though it was hard for you, it was meaningful, Some live a life in just one dimension you my friend have grown so others can follow from you example. By all mean please continue, Thanks for sharing. My name is Vince
@Detroitdregs not only honest but beautifully conveyed. Thank you
@Detroitdregs: Your post so resonated with a piece of my soul; I'm sitting here in tears after reading it. First, and foremost, thank you for your service, for whatever role you played in service to our country, which we all love so well, and are grateful for so much. I too love this song, and it struck chord with me from Day One. But your story blew me away. You really ought to consider writing, and one day do a screenplay of your journey. Bet it'd play out well. Sorry for your loss. zenmind/angie<br />
@Detroitdregs
@Detroitdregs i'm not in tears here but your story seems real and I too thank you for it..the way it reads for me is that at that moment in time with that song you started to like yourself...and I hope you never turn back.
@Detroitdregs I have to create an account to because I admired ur bravery...<br /> Music is vast and beautiful<br /> The right music at the right time,heals wounds...<br /> You're brave bro<br /> I love you<br />
@Detroitdregs wow, just signed up here for this song and it is very touching to see your experiences.
@Detroitdregs wow, just signed up here for this song and it is very touching to see your experiences.
@Detroitdregs wow, just signed up here for this song and it is very touching to see your experiences.
@Detroitdregs wow, just signed up here for this song and it is very touching to see your experiences.
but my sunglasses mostly hid the constant crying......very touched by these lines.Take Care wherever you are.Namaste
but my sunglasses mostly hid the constant crying......very touched by these lines.Take Care wherever you are.Namaste
but my sunglasses mostly hid the constant crying......very touched by these lines.Take Care wherever you are.Namaste
but my sunglasses mostly hid the constant crying......very touched by these lines.Take Care wherever you are.Namaste
@Detroitdregs I'm not sure you'll even read this, but I just made an account just so I could tell you how much that relates to me and means to me. I am nearly speechless. Made me cry. You write in one of the most beautiful ways I have ever seen. I love it. <br /> <br /> Anyways, thank you for sharing. I had to screenshot this.
@Detroitdregs Thank you. I am sad and happy for you
@Detroitdregs Thank you for sharing your story brother. I'm at work listening to this song and stumbled upon your story while looking for the song meaning. Trying hard to not let a tear roll down my watery eyes. Love from across the world, from just another dude who just had his soul rocked.<br /> <br /> If only all the people in the world connected with each other like this (no race, religion, differences, etc.)... what a different world we'd have. Sigh.<br /> <br /> Peace be with you, brother.
@Detroitdregs @Detroitdregs @Detroitdregs I need to thank you and I created this account to express my gratitude to you for you sharing your story. I first listened to this song and read your interpretation 10 years ago. I have come back to your words a few times as it is one of the most impactful things I have read online, ever. <br /> <br /> Today I was listening to an old playlist and this song came on and instantly I remembered your words and came to this site to read them again. To me your words are much like Evey in V for Vendetta finding the letter from Valerie in the wall of the prison cell. Your words mixed with a song that is perfectly beautiful, while both heart breakingly sad and hopeful; your words and this song seem made for each other. <br /> <br /> I know this song has different interpretations for different people, but your experience of this song and the revelatory nature of what it did for you is hauntingly, achingly, perfect. I know this is your heartbreak you are sharing and an awakening in your life. <br /> <br /> What makes it beautiful and identifiable for me, even in spite of the horrible experiences you went through is that your experiences across time and distance can touch other people and provide comfort to others to hear that you made it through and grew from this experience. You have given the world a gift with your words. <br /> <br /> It is hopeful that we as strangers, can read your words and be moved through our experience of our own painful experiences and association with this song and empathize with you. To share with you that there is hope in your revelation. To thank you for sharing a moment that feels as if it is timeless.<br /> <br /> Your words also bring to memory the rooftop scene in Bladerunner "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion... I watched sea-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain." I hope your words of your experience last for many years to help others. <br /> <br /> Wherever you are, I hope you are well and wish you the best.