I think much like another song “Anti-Matter” (that's also on the same album as this song), this one is also is inspired by a horrifying van crash the band experienced on Nov 3, 2022. This, much like the other track, sounds like it's an extension what they shared while huddled in the wreckage, as they helped frontman Garrett Russell stem the bleeding from his head wound while he was under the temporary effects of a concussion. The track speaks of where the mind goes at the most desperate & desolate of times, when it just about slips away to all but disconnect itself, and the aftermath.
Let me speak
Let me spit out my bitterness
Born of grief and nights without sleep
And festering flesh
Do you have eyes?
Can you see like mankind sees?
Why have you soured and curdled me?
Oh, you tireless watcher
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true
Once I was blessed
I was awaited like the rain
Like eyes for the blind
Like feet for the lame
Kings heard my words
And they sought out my company
But now the janitors of Shadowland
Flick their brooms at me
Oh, you tireless watcher
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true? (Man is the sire of sorrow)
I've lost all taste for life
I'm all complaints
Tell me why do you starve the faithful?
Why do you crucify the saints?
And you let the wicked prosper
You let their children frisk like deer
And my loves are dead or dying
Or they don't come near
(We don't despise your chastening
God is correcting you)
Oh, and look who comes
To counsel my deep distress
Oh, these pompous physicians
What carelessness!
(Oh all this ranting, all this wind
Filling our ears with trash)
Breathtaking ignorance
Adding insult to injury!
They come blaming and shaming (evil doer)
And shattering me
(This vain man wishes to seem wise
A man born of asses)
Oh you tireless watcher!
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true?
(We don't despise your chastening)
Already on a bed of sighs and screams
And still you torture me with visions
You give me terrifying dreams!
Better I was carried from the womb straight to the grave
I see the diggers waiting, they're leaning on their spades
(Man is the sire of sorrow
Sure as the sparks ascend)
Where is hope?
While you're wondering what went wrong?
Why give me light and then this dark without a dawn?
(Evil is sweet in your mouth
Hiding under your tongue)
Show your face!
(What a long fall from grace)
Help me understand!
What is the reason for your heavy hand?
(You're stumbling in shadows
You have no name now)
Was it the sins of my youth?
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true?
(Oh your guilt must weigh so greatly)
Everything I dread and everything I fear come true
(Man is the sire of sorrow)
Oh, you make everything I dread and everything I fear come true
Let me spit out my bitterness
Born of grief and nights without sleep
And festering flesh
Do you have eyes?
Can you see like mankind sees?
Why have you soured and curdled me?
Oh, you tireless watcher
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true
Once I was blessed
I was awaited like the rain
Like eyes for the blind
Like feet for the lame
Kings heard my words
And they sought out my company
But now the janitors of Shadowland
Flick their brooms at me
Oh, you tireless watcher
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true? (Man is the sire of sorrow)
I've lost all taste for life
I'm all complaints
Tell me why do you starve the faithful?
Why do you crucify the saints?
And you let the wicked prosper
You let their children frisk like deer
And my loves are dead or dying
Or they don't come near
(We don't despise your chastening
God is correcting you)
Oh, and look who comes
To counsel my deep distress
Oh, these pompous physicians
What carelessness!
(Oh all this ranting, all this wind
Filling our ears with trash)
Breathtaking ignorance
Adding insult to injury!
They come blaming and shaming (evil doer)
And shattering me
(This vain man wishes to seem wise
A man born of asses)
Oh you tireless watcher!
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true?
(We don't despise your chastening)
Already on a bed of sighs and screams
And still you torture me with visions
You give me terrifying dreams!
Better I was carried from the womb straight to the grave
I see the diggers waiting, they're leaning on their spades
(Man is the sire of sorrow
Sure as the sparks ascend)
Where is hope?
While you're wondering what went wrong?
Why give me light and then this dark without a dawn?
(Evil is sweet in your mouth
Hiding under your tongue)
Show your face!
(What a long fall from grace)
Help me understand!
What is the reason for your heavy hand?
(You're stumbling in shadows
You have no name now)
Was it the sins of my youth?
What have I done to you?
That you make everything I dread and everything I fear
Come true?
(Oh your guilt must weigh so greatly)
Everything I dread and everything I fear come true
(Man is the sire of sorrow)
Oh, you make everything I dread and everything I fear come true
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So I know this song is supposed to be Job's argument with God. That aside [I know. That was the meaning.] Whenever I feel like I've been tossed a raw deal, I listen to this song. Joni puts not only her heart on her sleeve, but the hearts of everyone who hears her. This is an example of that work.
i can only listen to this song parked at the edge of a field in the hills at sunset as loud as the car stereo can go. and my voice is very very hoarse when it is over!
Yes, unfocusedmind, and it's great music to boot! Who else but Joni could bring a crisis of faith to life in this way? And at the end, the bitterness is replaced by a plea to "let me understand"
This is actually Joni's song about suffering from Morgellons, a little-known illness that is typically seen as a co-infection with Lyme. Suffers of this illness are plagued with unpleasant skin sensations, chronic fatigue, joint pain, and a host of other problems. It robs you of sleep, a normal life, and unfortunately, doctors have not historically been kind to Morgellons sufferers.
These lyrics speak directly to the torments of this disease and to the suffering that is compounded by unknowledgeable physicians. It probably takes someone who suffers from the disease to truly understand and appreciate these lyrics.
Thank you Joni. Visit the Charles E. Holman Foundation, seeking awareness and a cure for Morgellons. thecehf.org/
Suffering is timeless. As the Amazon burns, the Arctic melts, the hurricanes rage, and people divide into their tribes, I'd say this song is quite relevant. What have we done?
The line "My loves are dead or dying, or they don't come near," as well as the antagonists' lines about suffering being a punishment from God, always reminds me that this song was written at a time when HIV was a virtual death sentence. On the same album, Joni covered "How Do You Stop," a beautiful song by Dan Hartman, a contemporary and friend who had died from AIDS-related complications.