Stop and Stare

For me, this song is a suicide note.

-This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust

*Everybody around me is sick of my depression and whining. They started off as very supportive, but grew colder as time wore on. It's time for me to make a change.

-I've got my heart set on anywhere but here

*I'm not necessarily wanting to die, but I want the pain to end. I want to be anywhere but where I am now. Even if that means death.

-Steady hands just take the wheel Every glance is killing me Time to make one last appeal For the life I live

*Everyone is noticing my decline but it's gotten to the point where nothing can help, and them reaching out only hurts more because the more they care, the more hurt they will be when I'm gone. But I have to do one thing right, and I know they'll be better off in the long run if I sacrifice myself.

-Stop and stare I think I'm moving but I go nowhere Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared But I've become what I can't be, oh

*I think I get better, I think I'm finally getting through, but then I realize I'm exactly where I started. Everyone has their rough days, but this pain has turned me into a monster. The person I promised I would never be. (drugs, alcohol, cutting, emotionally abusing those around me).

-Stop and stare You start to wonder why you're here not there And you'd give anything to get what's fair But fair ain't what you really need Oh, can you see what I see'

*I'm wondering why I'm not dead yet. As for the "fair" part, there's two sides: on one hand, it's not fair that I'm alive while innocent, beautiful, loved people are dead. I should die, not them. That is what is fair for them and their families. But on the other hand, what's fair for me is for things to get better. Either way I feel like I won't win because death isn't a solution, but an end; and getting better seems so impossible that I don't see it as a solution to my problem. Do you see my problem?

-They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could Steady feet, don't fail me now I'm gonna run till you can't walk *They realize I'm slipping and try to save me, but I'm pushing them away. I'm untying them from my life because they are the only burdens tying me to earth. If it weren't for them I wouldn't feel guilty about dying. I'm gonna keep pushing you away until you are too weak to keep trying.

When I was going through my depression, rather than writing a note, I made a video of myself playing and singing this song on the guitar. I've since deleted the video and finally seen the light. If you look at this song the way I did, remember that things DO get better. The light does come eventually. Stay strong. :)