Lyrics for Penholder as interpreted by Raindropsonroses...

Penholder Lyrics
I feel your eyes crawling over me
As though I am something more than me
But I don't have anything good enough to say
I did not make myself this way

I'll show you what he did,
But I won't take the credit
It's not mine anyway
I just held the pen that day

And I don't deserve this
This time right now
It's not something for which I can take the bow
And I don't deserve this

It wasn't me
I can't take glory for something that I can't be
I don't deserve this

I know what perfection is like
And I cannot stand before its might
And I'm so far from what you think that I must be
I just drown myself in mercy

And all the art that I supposedly create
Is simply a faded reflection of something He's already made


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falliingxstars
04-08-2006

Rated 0 
i hink when she wrote this,
she meant her songs may be beautifully written
but they are only that way because of what he made her feel
so really its him and what he did that actually wrote the song, she just held the pen.

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Paul_2109
06-03-2006

Rated 0 
i agree. totally

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Tourniquet_fauns
07-03-2006

Rated 0 
Absolutely ^-^. When I read christian music I just cant figure out how they do it...and when I look at secular music its all repetative. THeres something about Christian music that keeps me being a Christian... theres something more to it. So much so that only God himself could have written it. God, you're awesome

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tkay25
07-12-2006

Rated 0 
awesome song. I agree with tourniquet_fauns

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Sercerteyes
07-24-2006

Rated -1 
I don't know see why everyone is up to du with Christian music; no affence to any Chirstians, I have no problem with anyones relgion, me being a Catholic & going to Catholic School for 10-13 years, but they didn't like me so I got kicked out XD haha; well this song reminds me of rape.

" feel your eyes crawling over me
As though I am something more than me
But I don't have anything good enough to say
I did not make myself this way

I'll show you what he did,
But I won't take the credit
It's not mine anyway
I just held the pen that day"

maybe I possible boyfriend? Who she was always with.

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1 Reply
Jenna1492
08-14-2006

Rated +1 
I think this song means that she feels guilty taking the credit for writing her songs, because it's really God that creates through her...she just holds the pen.

She feels like she doesn't deserve all the praise and recognition she gets, because it's not her that does it, it's God

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*Soulesseyes*
12-06-2006

Rated 0 
Just because Flyleaf is a christian band, doesn't mean that every single one of their songs is about God. I agree with Sercerteyes. Maybe this song is about something other than God, I write songs, and I'm christain, but my songs aren't about God. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I just don't think you should assume every song she writes is about God.

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1 Reply
forgottenangelx
12-15-2006

Rated 0 
when i first heard this song it made me remember something my brother said once, how 'im so sick' was written after lacey - the lead singer of flyleaf - was raped and she let her anger and fear and humiliation out in that song.

So to me this song is saying exactly wat Sercerteyes was getting at - it to me is about rape and saying how she didnt deserve it and how she cant see how the guy who did it thought she was anything more then she thinks she is [talking about how she looks]

"I feel your eyes crawling over me
As though I am something more than me
But I don't have anything good enough to say
I did not make myself this way

I dont deserve it.."


so yer.. i hope that comes out right..

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1 Reply
forgottenangelx
12-15-2006

Rated 0 
when i first heard this song it made me remember something my brother said once, how 'im so sick' was written after lacey - the lead singer of flyleaf - was raped and she let her anger and fear and humiliation out in that song.

So to me this song is saying exactly wat Sercerteyes was getting at - it to me is about rape and saying how she didnt deserve it and how she cant see how the guy who did it thought she was anything more then she thinks she is [talking about how she looks]

"I feel your eyes crawling over me
As though I am something more than me
But I don't have anything good enough to say
I did not make myself this way

I dont deserve it.."


so yer.. i hope that comes out right..

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forgottenangelx
12-19-2006

Rated 0 
y did it make me say that twice?

i swear i only pressed the button once.

ne ways moving back on point. i guess reading what u guys wrote before me saying how its to do with how god wrote the songs not her he just used her as a pen, really makes sense so maybe the rape things a whole hidden message for only some of us to pick, but i fulyl understand y u said that and i guess im starting to think that, that might be true..

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cassie2837
01-01-2007

Rated 0 
Its that she's not the one that made herself like she is, the drugs, almost killing herself and being saved by God all made her who she is, what she is.

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Karlylehatesyou
01-04-2007

Rated 0 
I agree with Sercerteyes. That's what I thought of when I heard it.

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free2be17
01-12-2007

Rated 0 
I think Lacey wrote this song, because she wants to show her appreciation for God. She gives him all the credit for her beautiful lyrics and doesn't want to take the glory away from God. Anything that she writes was originally said by God, so she gives him all the credit. She can't accept the praise for writing these songs, because they weren't possible without God.

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1 Reply
violetsarered
01-28-2007

Rated 0 
Umm okay at first I wasnt sure what this song was about. It kinda confuses me really. Like the first verse sounds like rape then the last line sounds like its her appreciation for God. Maybe its both. Maybe its about her writing "Im so sick" which was about her rape, but shes appreciative that God got her through it with writing a song? I dont know. Its just an idea

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painted_faces_frown
01-29-2007

Rated 0 
rape makes no sense with this song. when she says your eyes crawling all over me as though I am something more than me, that's the people/fans who admire her. that all the art she creates is through major inspiration from her faith. she's basically saying 'I don't deserve the credit you're giving me, God does'

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rosecolouredwindow
06-08-2007

Rated 0 
this song is about a guy falling in love with her.
and she can't see what it is that he is seeing in her...
but she doesn't deserve the credit, for why he's falling in love with her, because God was the one who made her who she is...

she is such a modest girl, she really comes close to perfection, even if she doesn't agree...

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caitlin77
06-09-2007

Rated 0 
penholder isn't just about her songwriting, its about her life. everything that we do in life isn't through our strength but Gods. she also mentions that in perfect "im running on just your strength alone". we dont deserve anything in life..not even pain. it's only through God's grace that we can take each breath. "i just held the pen that day" and "ill show you what he did but i wont take the credit" refers to how God works through us to reach other people. we are not the ones doing the work, God is using us for his work. if you understand that, the rest of the song should make sense..

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hinderistheshit
08-29-2007

Rated 0 
well i had an experience that i can really relate to when i listen to this song.like my boyfriend left me for another girl and i wrote poems and poems and i just felt after hearing that song that i didnt deseerve what happened and he's the one who inspired all the poems not me and i think thats the point they're trying to get across like yeah they wrote it but someone else inspired it so they wont take the credit.

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ohemgasmic
11-12-2007

Rated 0 
There are really two ways to see this:

Lacey's trying to portray that she feels she doesn't deserve all the credit and recognition for her work because it's all because of God that she does it and He made it that way.

Then, there's the chance that it's about betrayal or violation. The way the song just sounds and makes me feel is like something bad happened and this is her way of venting her anger for it.

Either way, it's a lovely song.

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beautifulletdown
11-21-2007

Rated 0 
Truthfully, I'm an atheist (no offense to anyone who is religious) so the ideas of god being in this song didn't come to mind. I agree with forgottenangelx about the meaning of this song. When I hear the lines "I'll show you what he did but I won't take the credit..." it sounds like she had been abused or raped by a guy that she thought she could trust but he betrayed her. When she talks about "holding the pen that day" I think that she says that she feels guilty about writing this song about her abuser and she feels like the abuse or rape was all her fault.

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seejay3
01-06-2008

Rated 0 
I feel this song is clearly about god. I can understand how some of it can be perceived as being about rape but only if parts are isolated. Looking at the song as a whole, its a matter of god.

"And all the art that I supposedly create is simply a faded reflection of something He's already made"

Art being her music, her music reflecting something already made. And "faded" just goes along w/ the rest of the song talking about how unworthy she feels standing before "perfection."

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sobermindisawasted1
04-08-2008

Rated 0 
Forgiveness from God, reconciliation within herself, if you hang out with the wrong crowd you're bound to get hurt, she's the Penholder of her own life.

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sobermindisawasted1
04-08-2008

Rated 0 
No wait, God is the Penholder.

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demonhunter93
04-23-2008

Rated 0 
Im sorry, but painted_faces_frown is totally correct.
this song is not about rape or love for some guy.

This song is about how the people that listen to her music.

"I feel your eyes crawling over me
As though I am something more than me"
this is pretty much talking about the fans that look up to her.

"I did not make myself this way"
God made her that way. she used to be aethiest but He pulled her through her misery and depression.

"I'll show you what he did,
But I won't take the credit
It's not mine anyway
I just held the pen that day
And I don't deserve this
This time right now
It's not something for which I can take the bow
And I don't deserve this"
-shes pretty much saying that she doesnt deserve the fame and praise for her music, God does. How someone came up about her talking about her being raped in this makes no sense to me at all. Shes giving all her credit from God since He's her source of inspiration.

I hope this cleared alot of it up.

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rocky9
08-21-2008

Rated 0 
this is a song bout God...Lacey begins with the way how ppl look at her cuz they love her lyrics..but she sais she doesn't deserve it cuz she didnt write anything.He did it througt her pen.and ofcours Him, is God..she also sais she's not perfect(i can't stand before its might)...

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