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I was surprised, I was happy for a day in 1975
I was puzzled by a dream, it stayed with me all day in 1995
My brother had confessed that he was gay, it took the heat off me for a while
He stood up with a sailor friend and made it known upon my sister's wedding day
Got married in a rush to save a kid from being deported
Now she's in love
Oh, I was so touched, I was moved to kick the crutches from my crippled friend
She was not impressed that I cured her on the sabbath
I went to confess
When she saw the funny side, we introduced my child bride to whiskey and gin
To whiskey and gin
The priest in the booth had a photographic memory for all he had heard
He took all of my sins and he wrote a pocket novel called "The State That I'm In"
And so I gave myself to God
There was a pregnant pause before he said okay
Now I spend my days turning tables around in Mark's and Spencer's
They don't seem to mind
I gave myself to sin
I gave myself to providence
And I've been there and back again
The state that I am in
Oh, love of mine, would you condescend to help me
Because I'm stupid and blind
Oh, and desperation is the devil's work
It is the folly of a boy's empty mind
Oh, and now I'm feeling dangerous
Riding on city buses for a hobby is sad
Why don't you lead me to a living end
I promise that I'll entertain my crippled friend
My crippled friend
I gave myself to sin
I gave myself to providence
And I've been there and back again
The state that I am in
I was puzzled by a dream, it stayed with me all day in 1995
My brother had confessed that he was gay, it took the heat off me for a while
He stood up with a sailor friend and made it known upon my sister's wedding day
Got married in a rush to save a kid from being deported
Now she's in love
Oh, I was so touched, I was moved to kick the crutches from my crippled friend
She was not impressed that I cured her on the sabbath
I went to confess
When she saw the funny side, we introduced my child bride to whiskey and gin
To whiskey and gin
The priest in the booth had a photographic memory for all he had heard
He took all of my sins and he wrote a pocket novel called "The State That I'm In"
And so I gave myself to God
There was a pregnant pause before he said okay
Now I spend my days turning tables around in Mark's and Spencer's
They don't seem to mind
I gave myself to sin
I gave myself to providence
And I've been there and back again
The state that I am in
Oh, love of mine, would you condescend to help me
Because I'm stupid and blind
Oh, and desperation is the devil's work
It is the folly of a boy's empty mind
Oh, and now I'm feeling dangerous
Riding on city buses for a hobby is sad
Why don't you lead me to a living end
I promise that I'll entertain my crippled friend
My crippled friend
I gave myself to sin
I gave myself to providence
And I've been there and back again
The state that I am in
Lyrics submitted by girlboyrevolt, edited by Mellow_Harsher
Track duration: 04:58
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The first verse of the song Stuart sings of a situation where his brother confesses he is gay on the day of his sisters wedding. Stuart notes that this announcement “takes the heat off me for awhile.” This “heat” he is speaking of is the pressure his family puts on him to find love and settle down. The relief he feels is at the expense of his brother. This leads to the unfortunate idea that while his family is celebrating love at his sisters wedding they are also being judgmental over his brothers love with a “sailor friend.”
The second verse he sings of his blasé attitude towards the institution of marriage when he tells of marring a young girl to save her from being deported. While this act may seem kind, the second line eludes that she falls in love with him, and this moves him to kick the crutches from his crippled friend. This is an example of the struggle he carries with wanting to be a caring person and his inability to be the kind of person who can maintain friendships.
The third verse Stuart mentions the relationship he has with a priest that has the ability to remember every confession he has ever made and has even written a book about them. This line in the song signifies that the priest knows him better than anyone else and adds meaning to the pregnant pause that the priest gives after he gives himself to god. The pregnant pause is indicative of the priest thinking he was not capable of the love or the commitment necessary to give himself to god. Stuart is also mentioning here yet another institution he is struggling to understand and fully participate in. This is evident in the fourth verse when he sings “I gave myself to sin, I gave myself to providence, and I've been there and back again.”
In the fifth verse the conflict leads to a sense of desperation when he calls on a love to condescend to help him. He believes he is stupid and blind for not truly understanding what it takes to commit to an ideal. He begs to be led “to a living end,” and promises to to entertain his crippled friend as almost a bargain to a higher power. This bargain is yet another example of his inability to make a deeper connection with people as this promise is based on a superficial exchange of an act of kindness for a sense of enlightenment.
Perhaps he asked early on, perhaps for the first time in 1975...and didn't feel like he got his answer until 1995. The "pregnant pause" gives the listener a humorous visual image of a sinner asking for salvation and God kinda staring him down until he responds. However, to him the "pregnant pause" represents the twenty years since he first thought as a child, "How can I know there's a God?"
Furthermore, I view this song as Stuart Murdoch's mission statement for Belle and Sebastian. He declares that humans are fallen, that he has chosen Providence, and had to do so more than once. In his lyrics he will describe human behavior on Earth as he sees it, but not as God wants it. He can't speak for God. Most of what he will write about will be of the Devil, but he must have you know from the outset he has chosen God. Hopefully this song has encouraged thousands of others to do the same.
And the better version is Dog On Wheels.
Also, the Dog On Wheels version is better.
i love the music, the effects, the subtle tambourine, the smooth drums, the gentle guitarr...
gosh!
gives me goose bumps...
but i have no idea what the song's about, though that's one of the reasons i just like it so much... i wish i could write like this!