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Fourteen years
Thirty minutes
Fifteen seconds I've
Held this grudge
Eleven songs
Four full journals
Thoughts of punishment
I've expended
Not in contact
Not a letter
Such communication
Telepathic
You've been vilified
Used as fodder
You deserve a piece
Of every record
But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now
With an antique knot in her stomach?
[Chorus]
I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us
Like an abandoned house
Dusty covered
Furniture
Still intact
If I visit it now
Will I simply re-live it
Somehow gratuitous
But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing
[Chorus]
Maybe as I cut the cord
Veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
Dead weight off my shoulders will rise
Here I sit
Much determined
Ever ill-equipped
To draw this curtain
How this has entertained
Validated
And has served me well
Ever the victim
But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
This load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember
[Chorus]
Thirty minutes
Fifteen seconds I've
Held this grudge
Eleven songs
Four full journals
Thoughts of punishment
I've expended
Not in contact
Not a letter
Such communication
Telepathic
You've been vilified
Used as fodder
You deserve a piece
Of every record
But who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now
With an antique knot in her stomach?
[Chorus]
I want to be big and let go
Of this grudge that's grown old
All this time I've not known
How to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved
Clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us
Like an abandoned house
Dusty covered
Furniture
Still intact
If I visit it now
Will I simply re-live it
Somehow gratuitous
But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who is it weighing down
With no gift from time of said healing
[Chorus]
Maybe as I cut the cord
Veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as I lay this to rest
Dead weight off my shoulders will rise
Here I sit
Much determined
Ever ill-equipped
To draw this curtain
How this has entertained
Validated
And has served me well
Ever the victim
But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
This load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember
[Chorus]
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This Grudge is about the man who abused her when she was 14. The same man as in Hands Clean and a dozen more songs.
I don't know which songs exactly (in this song she tells there are 11, maybe more now)...
If someone knows please tell me.
This song is about forgiving and letting go. Maybe mostly forgetting and healing herself.
I think she is so so brave! I love her music and lyrics.
And You Ougtha Know? No, really, not... this song expresses regret, not anger. It's different feelings and although it's possible they all could apply to one relationship that would just seem wrong to me, and wrong if you listen to the feelings the songs evoke.
She went to glebe highschool
and lived a few blocks from me.
I know some of her old teachers,
and she used to babysit a bunch of my good friends when i was younger.