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One day I will build a fountain
Drink and never grow old
Then I'll market an elixir
That will eliminate the common cold
Find your sickness on my list
Pay up front and make a wish
One day I will work with animals
All the tests I'm gonna do
All my stuff's completely natural
And when we're done we'll boil 'em
Down for glue
That we can use to re-adhere
Your lips to mine if you were here
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you
I can't stand to wait in line long
So I built a new machine
It just measures up the distance
And then eliminates the folks between
One day I'll construct a satellite
And I'll name it after you
'Cause you were the greatest friend of all
Except for when you split my lip in two
To see the look upon your face
As I launch you into space
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you
Bye-bye self-respect
I haven't had much of it since you left
I missed out on the best of you
Some day I will find the secret
To your social chemistry
Then I'll print it on a t-shirt
And it'll make you want to be with me
If I wear it past your work
You'll see other guys are jerks
Much like pheromones for flies
You will not avoid my eyes
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you
Bye-bye self-respect
I haven't had much of it since you left
I missed out on the best of you
Drink and never grow old
Then I'll market an elixir
That will eliminate the common cold
Find your sickness on my list
Pay up front and make a wish
One day I will work with animals
All the tests I'm gonna do
All my stuff's completely natural
And when we're done we'll boil 'em
Down for glue
That we can use to re-adhere
Your lips to mine if you were here
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you
I can't stand to wait in line long
So I built a new machine
It just measures up the distance
And then eliminates the folks between
One day I'll construct a satellite
And I'll name it after you
'Cause you were the greatest friend of all
Except for when you split my lip in two
To see the look upon your face
As I launch you into space
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you
Bye-bye self-respect
I haven't had much of it since you left
I missed out on the best of you
Some day I will find the secret
To your social chemistry
Then I'll print it on a t-shirt
And it'll make you want to be with me
If I wear it past your work
You'll see other guys are jerks
Much like pheromones for flies
You will not avoid my eyes
There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you
Bye-bye self-respect
I haven't had much of it since you left
I missed out on the best of you
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The protagonist is a scientist, and he's kind of a mad scientist: a man of pure intellect and zero common sense, his lab assistant is the one person in the world he's ever had real love for, and he's incapable of expressing it in any terms other than rigid scientific ones that make him seem bizarre.
REadhere in the second verse suggests that they did, in fact, have a romantic relationship, but it failed at some point, likely due to his total inability to express his feelings (and understand hers) like a more normal person.
Now that she's gone, he finally realizes that his self-image is forever ruined without her, but his response is to dream up a series of ridiculously elaborate and anti-social ideas to get her to love him again.
It's really rather sad, because he knows that he loves her, and knows that her absence makes him feel shitty and empty, but he simply can't understand why or what to do about it, because love is not a quantifiable mathematical concept. So instead he cooks up all these crazy ideas.
Reminded me of a scene from a TV show where the Mad Scientist's wife is about to leave him, and shouts at him that she needs "real human affection", to which he replies "Human affection...hmmm...perhaps it can be synthesized, maybe in pill form?"