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Darling, give me your absence tonight
Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white
Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside
And don't bother leaving the light on
'Cuz I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion
A vacancy that just did not belong
The child is gone
Honey help me out of this mess
I'm a stranger to myself
But don't reach for me, I'm too far away
I don't wanna talk 'cuz there's nothing left to say
So my
Darling, give me your absence tonight
Take all of your sympathy and leave it outside
'Cuz there's no kind of loving that can make this all right
I'm trying to find a place I belong
And I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion
And I ran my hand over a strange inversion
As the darkness turns into the dawn
The child is gone
The child is gone
Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white
Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside
And don't bother leaving the light on
'Cuz I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion
And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion
A vacancy that just did not belong
The child is gone
Honey help me out of this mess
I'm a stranger to myself
But don't reach for me, I'm too far away
I don't wanna talk 'cuz there's nothing left to say
So my
Darling, give me your absence tonight
Take all of your sympathy and leave it outside
'Cuz there's no kind of loving that can make this all right
I'm trying to find a place I belong
And I suddenly feel like a different person
From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion
And I ran my hand over a strange inversion
As the darkness turns into the dawn
The child is gone
The child is gone
Lyrics submitted by SNYder
Track duration: 04:15
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Just goes to show how effed up my thinking was at the time.
It’s about the emptiness, confusion, and dissociation associated with her traumatic experiences.
“Darling, give me your absence tonight”
There are times especially during uninhibited and unintentional recollection of traumatic events where one feels the need to simply be alone. Despite her love or connection to whomever she’s speaking by calling him or her “darling” she feels the need for an absence of company.
“Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white”
This, to me, refers to the common analogy of life as a canvas; the shade being the trauma the black spot in her past. She wants that part of her past taken away, the shade removed from her life’s canvas and for only a blank slate to remain.
“Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside”
Sometimes quiet/private rumination is the only way to deal with the inescapable upheaval of painful memories… sometimes you must just let them flow through the psychological barricade you’ve built. The reference to an echo refers to the emptiness felt after a personal violation, especially rape; something, be it trust, the notion of “virginity” or “purity”, childlike naivety and innocence was indisputably taken leaving a chasm of perceived emptiness.
“And don't bother leaving the light on”
I think this is another expression of “don’t wait up for me”
“'Cause I suddenly feel like a different person”
I think this is general enough to be self-explanatory
“From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion”
It’s a description of a wave of unwanted emotions and memories creeping up from the hidden depths of her past. The memories and emotions are deeply rooted into her soul.
“And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion”
A further description of what the emotions of her past bring with her, an emptiness, an inversion.
“A vacancy that just did not belong
The child is gone”
A vacancy that was a forced eviction of her childhood, something that never should leave someone without consent.
“Honey help me out of this mess
I'm a stranger to myself
But don't reach for me, I'm too far away
I don't want to talk 'cause there's nothing left to say“
When going through these feelings many people wish to reach out for help but the problem is that most people cannot understand what one goes through after a trauma such as hers on a the same level… you can sympathize but not empathize. She wants help but knows that no one can reach out to her in a way that is truly comforting, there is no comfort, what happened is something that lies beyond anyone’s ability to comfort. There is no talking or explaining how one feels during such an episode, it truly is of no use to keep talking of why when asked to “tell what’s wrong”, because talking can’t always accurately express what emotions we feel. When you’ve said all there is to say all that’s left is emotion.
“Take all of your sympathy and leave it outside”
No one wants pity or sympathy and when you can’t identify or empathize with someone’s pain all that’s left is sympathy. Despite good intentions showing someone sympathy can elicit some pretty strong negative reactions… anger being one of the most prevalent. It goes with the mentality of: “You have no idea what it’s like, so keep the ‘I’m so sorry’ to yourself”
“'Cuz there's no kind of loving that can make this all right”
There is no amount of love or care that can ease the pain of a traumatic past, nothing can make rape okay.
“I'm trying to find a place I belong”
The confusion and mix of past painful emotions and present reactions can really knock a person off center and lead to questions like: “If I still experience these emotions am I the child of my past or the woman I grew to be today? Which version is the real me?”
Onto the song! I heard it many times and just presumed it was about loss of innocence, but one day it clicked that it was about a miscarriage (or possibly an abortion, but nothing about it sounds planned), then it all made more sense.
OK, she was only 17, but the song isn't necessarily autobiographical. Could even be about a friend. Who knows? Anyway, she'd been raped at some point hadn't she? Maybe she got pregnant then, whether or not it's common knowledge (of course, to Megan this would be a "blessing". Nice one God :-)).
> Darling, give me your absence tonight
I always laugh at this line. It's said slow, so you think she's going to say something like "Darling, give me your loving tonight", but she turns it around.
So we start with a reference to the partner, presumably father of the child (although possibly not). In some of the song she asked for his help, but there's also a strong sense that no matter what he does she has to go through it alone, and his sympathy is more like a weight than a help.
> Take the shade from the canvas and leave me the white
I always thought it was "leave me the wine"! Hmm, not quite sure about this one, but the blank canvas could be a reference to the empty womb.
> Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside
No more baby, so silent inside.
> And I ran my hand o'er a strange inversion
When the baby is inverted, ie upside down, it can lead to miscarriage. Don't know if this is what she's saying, but just a thought. Or maybe she just means that her tummy is less bulging and more inverted (by comparison at least).
> A vacancy that just did not belong
Empty womb.
> The child is gone
For a long time I just took this as metaphoric. It's such a catchphrase for loss of innocence. Funny how the metaphoric interpretation was the obvious one, and the literal interpretation the more obscure.
> I'm trying to find a place I belong
Someone said this didn't fit the miscarriage idea. I think it can. She would have put a lot of thought into preparing herself as a mother. Seeing herself in that role, and planning the next ten years around it. That is where she saw herself, where she felt she belonged. Now where does she belong?
> And I suddenly feel like a different person
Life has taken a different path.
> From the roots of my soul come a gentle coercion
Not sure about this. At this point in the song it could be seen as a distant voice inside her trying to pull her back out of the depression, given the slight optimism below.
> As the darkness turns into the dawn
The darkness turns into the dawn is maybe saying that the deepening depression is slowly turning around and life goes on.
> The child is gone
> The child is gone
Bye bye.
Rob.