So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
Every finger in the room
Is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains, oh oh oh
Got a kick for a dog
Begging for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says, "Will you ever learn?
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird"
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains, oh oh oh
Please be
Save me
I cry
Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains
Why do we, in chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Crucify ourselves, everyday (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Oh, chains, oh yeah (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Yeah, chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again, no (why do we crucify ourselves?)
To crucify myself again, you know (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again
To crucify myself, everyday
Is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains, oh oh oh
Got a kick for a dog
Begging for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says, "Will you ever learn?
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird"
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains, oh oh oh
Please be
Save me
I cry
Looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where are those angels
When you need them
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
I crucify myself
Every day
I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being
I said my heart is sick of being in
Chains, oh oh oh
Chains
Why do we, in chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Crucify ourselves, everyday (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Oh, chains, oh yeah (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Yeah, chains (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again, no (why do we crucify ourselves?)
To crucify myself again, you know (why do we crucify ourselves?)
Never going back again
To crucify myself, everyday
Add your thoughts
Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.
Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!
There is a case to be made that the theology of this song mirrors William Blake's reworking of Christian mythology. For example, Look at the first verse "Every finger in the room Is pointing at me I wanna spit in their faces Then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now"
To this Blake would say that accusation (the finger-pointing) is Satanic--"Satan draws Man into Sin that he may accuse him" and would encourage Tori to spit back at them! “Pride is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity.”
"I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets" Compare to Blake: “Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained; and the restrainer or reason usurps its place & governs the unwilling. And being restrain'd it by degrees becomes passive till it is only the shadow of desire.”
"Why do we Crucify ourselves Every day I crucify myself"
For Blake, Christ's crucifixion was not a "payment for Sin", but was a prideful act, much like Socrates choice to remain in Athens to face his death sentence. In William Butler Yeats' interpretation of Blake "Christ's two natures impelled Him to crucifixion. He went to 'humble Himself to God' and also to proudly destroy the serpent in himself; his own spectre, or Satan. This Satan is the false Christ worshipped still." So when Tori asks "Why do we crucify ourselves?", we can answer because it's what Jesus would do! A few more quotes from Blake's poem The Everlasting Gospel: "He acts with honest triumphant pride, And this is the cause that Jesus died.”
“I was standing by when Jesus died. / What they called humility I called pride.” "Humility is only doubt, And does the sun and moon blot out, Roofing over with thorns and stems The buried soul and all its gems."