The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
How can I be sure?
When your intrusion is my illusion
How can I be sure
When all the time you changed my mind
I asked for more and more
How can I be sure
When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)
You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)
And I can't operate on this failure
When all I want to be is
Completely in command
How can I be sure
For all you say you keep me waiting
How can I be sure
When all you do is see me through
I asked for more and more
How can I be sure
When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)
You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)
And I can't operate on this failure
When all I want to be is
Completely in command
I've been here before
There is no why, no need to try
I thought you had it all
I'm calling you, I'm calling you
I ask for more and more
How can I be sure
When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)
You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)
And I can't operate on this failure
When all I want to be is
Completely in command
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
When your intrusion is my illusion
How can I be sure
When all the time you changed my mind
I asked for more and more
How can I be sure
When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)
You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)
And I can't operate on this failure
When all I want to be is
Completely in command
How can I be sure
For all you say you keep me waiting
How can I be sure
When all you do is see me through
I asked for more and more
How can I be sure
When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)
You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)
And I can't operate on this failure
When all I want to be is
Completely in command
I've been here before
There is no why, no need to try
I thought you had it all
I'm calling you, I'm calling you
I ask for more and more
How can I be sure
When you don't give me love (You gave me pale shelter)
You don't give me love (you give me cold hands)
And I can't operate on this failure
When all I want to be is
Completely in command
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
You don't give me love
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Punchline
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To understand this song and the entire debut album it's on (The Hurting, 1983), one thing must be said: both members of the band were enchanted by the work of the psychotherapist Arthur Janov, whose most renowned book was Primal Scream (1970). Janov was the inventor of “primal therapy”, a treatment that encouraged the patient to explore his childhood traumas, experiencing them for a second time and then expressing the long-repressed pain. One way to release this pain is this primal scream. The same name of the duo, not by chance, comes from a psychotherapeutic treatment developed by Janov, during which the patient lives again the earliest sensations of the perinatal age, hence the name “Tears for Fears”. Both members felt that their parents had not given them love, but only a weak, “Pale Shelter”. Composing The Hurting was a way to throw out all the things they absorbed in the childhood, to take the feelings of abandonment, rejection and anger and turn them into something active. With its pure emotions, The Hurting is the album for those who have experienced what being imprisoned in our own emotions means; for those who have felt the desperation that makes its way, when you cannot escape, whether it comes from childhood or not. Source: auralcrave dot com
@EternalTearsOfSorrow thank you for your thoughts about this delightful and touching song. I share your opinión about it and the entire álbum.
In a concert Roland said this song was about being a rebelous teen or maybe the parent of one cant remmber. It does sound cool though. This is definitely an underrated band.What do i think? I think it can apply to anyone whos not getting what they deserve although im sure its deeeper than that. hmph.
Regardless of what Curt and Roland say about this song, I think essentially it is meant as a direct appeal to God. Let's take a look:
"How can I be sure? When your intrusion is my illusion..." The first line is just a question of whether or not to have any faith at all. How can we be sure there is a God? The intrusion/illusion line sort of suggests that his experience has led him to believe that God is merely an illusion. The next couple of lines reinforce this idea: "How can I be sure? When all the time you changed my mind..." Changed my mind meaning that while he might have started out with faith, repeatedly witnessing the darker side of life on Earth makes it difficult to keep believing.
I asked for more and more (repeated throughout the song) is probably a reference to our never-ending dissatisfaction with what we have, regardless of how much we have been given. Also, it's possible that this dissatisfaction makes it difficult to believe that God is really looking out for us in the way we hope.
"When you don't give me love, You gave me Pale shelter, You don't give me love, You give me cold hands..." Again this sort of references the entire first part- God just puts us on Earth and puts the burden of "free will" on our heads, leaving us feeling alone and without real guidance. We are struggling to make our way in the world, surrounded by all of the unavoidable pain and suffering that comes with reality, just trying to get by, and we don't even know why.
"And I can't operate on this failure, When all I want to be is... Completely in command" This could mean several things. One possibility is that he's saying that God is a failure for leaving us in this situation and he himself would like a chance at "calling the shots" of the Universe instead. A more likely possibility, I think, is that while he'd like to help the souls on Earth to solve their problems, due to the inherent greed of humanity, he instead just wants to have ultimate control like everyone else (which, fittingly enough, is actually a root cause of many of the these problems). Notice how the drawn out note here gets kind of atonal and creepy too, as if to reinforce this point.
From here on, I can see that the point just seems to be rehashed again and again in new ways. "For all you say you keep me waiting" - God has left us an undeniable moral compass that we are internally aware we are supposed to follow, but we are still left waiting for convincing evidence of God's existence. "When all you do is see me through" - again, similar to the idea behind the chorus. "I've been here before, There is no why, no need to try" - this might suggest a belief in reincarnation, and wondering the point in putting forth any real effort in life when we're just going to be thrown back into the cycle again anyway. "I thought you had it all" - it's God, he's supposed to be all-knowing and all-seeing, so why is God putting us through this existence, what else does God want from us, again what is the point?? Then my favorite part of the song "I'm calling you, I'm calling you" - this is our desperate call to God, please, please give us a sign, some answers, a path to follow, ANYTHING!! The harmonized vocals are just perfect here, and really sort of emphasize our deep longing for acknowledgement from God.
All of this, in a funny way, actually sort of fits in with what other people mentioned about the "rebellious teen" theory, in a general sense - humanity is basically like a rebellious teen, and God is sort of our virtual parent/authority figure. What's so great about this song is that the music fits the lyrics so well, there's a sort of bittersweetness to it, and an epic, vast quality about it (which fits well in an appeal to the creator of the entire Universe). To me, the bass and guitar parts almost remind me of the mechanical passing of time, cycles repeating over and over, stretching into the infinity of this mad mystery of existence. The harmonic analysis is actually quite interesting also, with the character of of the E changing from a maj 7th to an added 6th from the F to the G, and the nice switching between the root minor and relative major. I don't know if there's as much genius in this song as I've mentioned in this review, but for me this is just pure music magic, all the way. It's a shame we don't really get songs like this anymore from the current group of "pretend musicians."
interesting perspective Zegonite
@Zegonite I fully agree. I have just posted a comment and it seems we both have the same interpretation to these lyrics.
@Zegonite I forgot to mention an obvious reference, looking back it's amazing that I neglected it in my original post because it's so obvious: "You don't give me love, you give me cold hands." Why does he have cold hands? Because he's praying!! He is looking for God's love but feels like the only result of his kneeling with his hands clasped together in the traditional manner out of his pockets is that his hands are just getting cold, both literally and figuratively.
@Zegonite Interesting viewpoint but I am almost certain this is not about religion or God. When we analyse texts, our own viewpoints and experiences shape our interpretation. It\'s easy to mix up adoration / addiction / love / belief of one kind for another.\r\n\r\nGiven the writers background and experiences, this song is almost certainly a \'cry of exasperation\' from someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family and then went on to have dysfunctional relationships of their own (and not understanding that).\r\n\r\nI have to admit I found your interpretation of \'cold hands\' a bit of a stretch. When I heard it all those years ago, the first thought that came my mind was the expression \'cold hands, warm heart\'. He doesn\'t understand how a normal, loving person can treat him so coldly. It\'s a pale imitation of love. It\'s a \'Pale Shelter\'.\r\n\r\nI do agree that Tears for Fears early work has great lyrics and interesting chord progressions. We get a sense of calmness and control during the verse with maj7 and 6th chords. The chorus then seems to have straight ahead major chords to drive his message home.\r\n\r\nThank you.
this is so cool. it doesn't sound particular eighties, which is wonderful, but it's so angsty and angry, i just love it. anyways, that's what i think...
Lol, yes it does sound very eighties. Early eighties to be more exact!
sweet song
i love the guitar strums in the chorus
Yeah this song is cool.
This song is amazing! Even though it's apparently about rebellious teens, it sounds to me like someone playing games with his head. I love the music video for this.
This songs follows and links to the "Mad World" on the Album The Hurting. Mad world was highlighting the sadness of the world (a very deep philosophical song) whilst this song continues a similar theme of rejection. The whole album is very much underrated and I would recommend listening to it.
Roland and Curt say this was a plea to a girl's parents or something like that.
Beautiful lyrics - how much can you relate to them when you are in a relationship, especially when one side feels more strongly about the person than the other.
I was in a similar past relationship where my ex was cold hearted and unaffectionate and these lyrics just fitted how I was feeling superbly
I love the guitar in this as well and the handclaps at the end
@Mrs_Orzabal I felt the same way you did about one person in a relationship having a cold hearted partner.