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i met a non-dairy creamer
explicitly laid out like a fruitcake
with a wet spot
bigger than a great lake
took me to the new church
and baptized me with salt
she told me, "liquor"
i am a new man
hot freaks
this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
i walked into the house of miraculous recovery
and stood before king everything
and he asked me to join him in the red wing
took me to pie land
said, "i'm a thigh man"
i will be eternally hateful
hot freaks
hot freaks
hot freaks
this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
and this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
explicitly laid out like a fruitcake
with a wet spot
bigger than a great lake
took me to the new church
and baptized me with salt
she told me, "liquor"
i am a new man
hot freaks
this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
i walked into the house of miraculous recovery
and stood before king everything
and he asked me to join him in the red wing
took me to pie land
said, "i'm a thigh man"
i will be eternally hateful
hot freaks
hot freaks
hot freaks
this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
and this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
this one is on the house
this one is better than ever
Lyrics submitted by one hit wonder
Track duration: 01:43
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Non-dairy creamer... her cream isn't dairy...
laid out... she's ready, she's been ready for a while... a huge wet spot. he's a new man after this experience.
this one is on the house... the cat house.
the king of everything (the madam or pimp) wants him to go to the "red wing"... red light district or wing of the house.
I think it's pretty clear once you see it in that context.
but the ambiguity is almost certainly intentional
there's an old joke, often in the form of a sign on the wall of a tavern: "liquor in the back, poker in the rear"
He seems to be in some kind of alternate world or dimension, and then encounters these "freak" personages. It's similar to the song "Big Boring Wedding"--the one where the chorus goes "pass the word the chicks are back," (a line lifted from a very outdated advertisement I think). In BBW he sings "I have entered a shiny new realm, a very different and very spoiled world...Colin, thank you for such delicious pie."
(hmmm, another "pie" reference... Bob is a fanatical record collector. I wonder--given the prior reference to oral sex--whether he mentally associates "pie" with pudenda. I'm thinking of the notorious album cover from the late '60s or early '70s in which a grandmotherly woman is proferring a pie with one slice already cut out -- and if you look closely at the place where the slice is missing, it looks very much like female genitalia. Sorry can't recall the name of the band or LP, but I think the cover was by far the most memorable thing they did, anyway)
I've wondered whether the lines in "Jar of Cardinals" might also refer to oral sex...specificially: "She was high and I was low/Sitting in a bungalow/Eating something wonderful/Never ever getting full" (hmm, this also has that nursery rhyme quality to it)
I don't think there's any deep meaning here. It's surreal and funny. "I will be eternally hateful" is classic. Bob's ease with wordplay ought to be more celebrated, but I'd guess GbV's music was just too weird to ever have gained a mass audience.
non-dairy creamer: vegan
fruit cake: mental person who eats fruit (i.e. someone who is crazy to be a vegan)
wet-spot: who'd been laid out (for being a vegan) and was bleeding copiously
new church: crazy vegan religion
they have a tequila; she shows him vegans are cool
this one's on the house (talking about alcohol)
after becoming a vegan, he wanders back one day into a meat-eater's house. The meat-eater has a wider experience of things (hence king everything) and invites him to eat meat with him, in the form of pies and chicken.
He does eat the meat; (hence 'recovery') and the experience leaves him bitter and cynical, turning him into the person who beat up the vegan in the first place.
So it reads like a witty piece of social commentary. 'Should we beat vegans?' Robert Pollard asks ironically, if they drink alcohol. Furthermore, was the protagonist right to join veganism just because they also drink alcohol?
But no, it's a song ABOUT FUCKING BLOW JOBS.