So this has been.my favorite song of OTEP's since it came out in 2004, and I always thought it was a song about a child's narrative of suffering in an abusive Christian home. But now that I am revisiting the lyrics, I am seeing something totally new.
This song could be gospel of John but from the perspective of Jesus.
Jesus was NOT having a good time up to and during the crucifixion. Everyone in the known world at the time looked to him with fear, admiration or disgust and he was constantly being asked questions. He spoke in "verses, prophesies and curses". He had made an enemy of the state, and believed the world was increasingly wicked and fallen from grace, or that he was in the "mouth of madness".
The spine of atlas is the structure that allows the titan to hold the world up. Jesus challenged the state and in doing so became a celebrated resistance figure. It also made him public enemy #1.
All of this happened simply because he was doing his thing, not because of any agenda he had or strategy.
And then he gets scourged (storm of thorns)
There are some plot holes here but I think it's an interesting interpretation.
I'm not feeling human anymore
Half connected all the time
Each night I document the things I've done
The pointless points I've made for stupid reasons
Every night I'm always the same
You're pounding on my brain
Tonight and every night
I lie down clenching up my teeth
Trying to fall asleep
I've sat and smoked a billion cigarettes
And wished to hell that you were here
My stained and calloused fingers hold a pen
Scratching apologies to you too late too little
Every night I pay off my debts
Trust me I don't forget
Tonight and every night
I will analyze everything
And make myself count the ways
I fucked up today
Half connected all the time
Each night I document the things I've done
The pointless points I've made for stupid reasons
Every night I'm always the same
You're pounding on my brain
Tonight and every night
I lie down clenching up my teeth
Trying to fall asleep
I've sat and smoked a billion cigarettes
And wished to hell that you were here
My stained and calloused fingers hold a pen
Scratching apologies to you too late too little
Every night I pay off my debts
Trust me I don't forget
Tonight and every night
I will analyze everything
And make myself count the ways
I fucked up today
Lyrics submitted by thatsteveguy
Every Night Lyrics as written by Benjamin M Foster Benjamin M. Foster
Lyrics © Wixen Music Publishing
Lyrics powered by LyricFind
Add your thoughts
Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.
Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!
Reading the lyrics now it sounds like it could be about a break up or something like that ("scratching apologies to you too late too little") that happened as a result of the singer's poor behavior / decisions. That's probably why he's "not feeling human anymore" and "half-connected all the time".
But I always looked at it another way. It was crippling in high school but I still experience some of it to this day - and that is, I was always really hard on myself. Like, oh my god, I can't believe I said that. That was so stupid. Or I can't believe I acted so lame in gym class. That girl could definitely tell I'm a loser. Etc. etc. That kind of thing. And maybe it's a bit different nowadays but I still tend to second guess every thing I do and say. Every night.
The song is somber yet at the same time it's caressing, loving. I get subtle joyous vibes from this beneath the sadness. It's like, despite the fact I second guess everything I do, despite the fact that I fuck up every day (whether real, or as in my case, imagined) I am a human being. And beautiful just like this song.
Love it.