I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said, "Thanks, can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs
And out of view, no prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time

Now it's two o'clock
The club is closed and we are up the block
Your hands are on me
Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here
But I'm not sure
I've got the money
If you've got the time
You said, "It feels good"
I said "I'll give it a try"

Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning

Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers, they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep, keep singing

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
And where's the kid with the chemicals?
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind

But you, but you

You write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
Then hurt me
Then hurt me
Then hurt me



Lyrics submitted by firefly716

Track duration: 04:00

"Lover I Don't Have to Love" as written by Oberst

Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Lyrics powered by LyricFind


Lover I Don't Have to Love song meanings
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318 Comments

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  • +1
    General Comment:I feel like the whole song is about his inability to love. He is talking about his casual encounters with women and how he knows anything beyond that would just end with someone getting hurt.

    "Where is the kid with the chemicals?"
    Many assume that this is a drug reference, but I feel like it means more than that. I believe he is referencing the fact that love is a chemical reaction. When he is hooking up with the random girl he thinks that he should feel something but he doesn't. "He said he'd meet me here but I'm not sure."
    Flag mickybeeon September 22, 2011   Link
  • 0
    General Comment:"loves an excuse to hurt and get hurt"
    ^too true

    "do you like to hurt? i do. then hurt me."
    ^love that.
    Flag souptoday8on November 15, 2010   Link
  • +2
    General Comment:To me it's about sex as a rock star.

    I particularly like "I asked your name you asked the time."

    Because she already knows his name. Captures a lot in a little.
    Flag AmericanSuperHeroson October 07, 2010   Link
  • +1
    General Comment:Excerpt from Collen Curran's book Whores on the Hill (pgs. 24-25) that relates to this song.
    "Astrid said you should walk over, solo, and say something simple.
    "I like your shoes."
    "Are you in a band?"
    "Nice tattoo" and "Hi."
    You could ask, "Do you know the time?" or "Can I ask you a question?" and the not ask a question at all.
    You could dance or you could stand there. Cup your hand over his ear to speak into it, an easy excuse with the music blaring. Like a drug, like a hook, the way you wanted to touch him, lightly, brushing his jeans with your leg.
    He'd say, "Thanks." maybe, "What's your name?"
    Or "You want to dance?"
    Then "I've seen you." and "I know you." or "Want to go someplace quiet?"
    And "Can I follow you?" and "You smell good. What's your name again?"
    ......
    Later, he'd go, "I know a place." and "I know a kid."
    "You turn me on."
    "Your friends can come." and "Let's get out of here.""

    Not that the song is about the book. Just very similar, especially this chapter.
    Flag jasdfjkon October 05, 2010   Link
  • +1
    General Comment:I love this song. Probably one of my favourite ever songs. He's talking about his love for heroin, I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty certain.
    Flag BadActorsBadHabitson August 05, 2010   Link
  • 0
    General Comment:"Now it's two o'clock
    The club is closed, we're up the block
    Your hands on me
    Pressing hard against your jeans
    Your tongue in my mouth
    Trying to keep the words from coming out
    You didn't care to know
    Who else may have been you before"
    - he's stumbling out of a bar with a prostatute, or just some random girl.

    "I want a lover I don't have to love
    I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck"
    -he's misrable, and misery loves company.

    "Where's the kid with the chemicals?
    I thought he said he'd meet me here but I'm not sure
    I got the money if you got the time
    He said, "It feels good"
    I said, "I'll give it a try"
    -he turnes to drugs

    so, what i get off this song is, he was probally hurt by some girl, and now hes turning to drugs and hookers(or randome girls) who are just as depressed as he is to fill that void. but relizing that it will never be filled.
    Flag Forever89on July 02, 2010   Link
  • 0
    Song Meaning:ok guys this song isnt about sex & love. it's about a prostitute.

    I picked you out
    Of a crowd and talked to you
    Said I liked your shoes
    You said "Thanks, can I follow you?"
    So it's up the stairs
    And out the aim of prying eyes
    I poured some wine
    I asked your name
    You asked the time

    (this ^ is obviously talking about how among a lot of prostitutes he's choosing one to spend his time with..)

    I want a lover I don't have to love
    I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
    Where's the kid with the chemicals?
    I thought he said he'd meet me here but I'm not sure
    I got the money if you got the time
    He said, "It feels good"
    I said, "I'll give it a try"

    ( if he wants a "lover he doesn't have to love" thats saying he is sleeping with someone that he doesn't have to have feeling towards. a lot of prostitutes are sad and depressed from there life and what they've done. alot of them have been sexually abused, and resorted to drugs (chemicals) "i got the money if you got the time" you pay for the time you take )



    Love's an excuse to get hurt
    And to hurt
    Do you like to hurt?
    I do, I do
    Then hurt me

    ( he cant find love. he was probably in love and someone just broke his heart. he gets a prostitue and does drugs with her to numb the pain because thats all that he needs.)
    Flag kaatethegreeaton June 27, 2010   Link
  • 0
    General Comment:I love this song so much. It really sounds like a dark and lonely late night too, really evokes a certain mood.

    Well, I can only associate my own feelings with these lyrics. I have a friend that I'm in love with but I cannot be with her. So when I go out at night and get drunk I don't know what else to do but make out with random strangers. Of course I'd rather be with her but it's easier to give yourself to people you don't care about. In the end they can't hurt you.

    Really sad and something most people can understand I think.
    Flag kisekion May 16, 2010   Link
  • 0
    General Comment:This and Perfect Sonnet were the first Bright Eyes songs I heard when I was really young. Now that I have grown to love all of his other stuff so much, I've realized how much different this song is compared to the rest. Maybe I'm nuts.

    Anyways what I'm getting is the life after shows, sex/drugs/alcohal. It's beautiful. Amazing poetry "it feels good, I'll give it a try"
    "a love i dont have to love" - it seems like he's saying that he wants sex and that connection of a sexual encounter but without being in love with the person. But then when he says "love is an excuse to hurt, do you like to hurt, i do i do" - almost like he regrets not actually having someone there, and he is desperate for love.
    Flag tayloristallon December 25, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General Comment:Perhaps, this was a girl in the crowd in the music venue were he just played. Girls do things such as saying "Can I follow you?" implying that she wants to go somewhere else with him. So, he says "So it's up the stairs and out the aim of prying eyes" he is no longer in the venue with all those people watching him and her.

    Now, this girl probably loves his music. I'm not saying she's a groupie but when he says "I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck" People say groupies have something emotionally wrong with them. That she probably doesn't love herself.

    "Who else may have been you before" what other musicians has she done this with.

    So, he'll meet the band in the morning and the band's leaving.

    She tells him that he writes such pretty words

    "The kind I have always seems to slip my mind" the love he gets isn't really love, love... So, it's meaningless.
    Flag velvetton December 16, 2009   Link

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