| Stars – Dead Hearts Lyrics | 11 years ago |
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I am 26 and I suffer from Avoidant Personality disorder (wikipedia has a fairly simple explanation about exactly what APD is. and lists the symptoms people suffering from it exhibit, and I exhibit all but one of them (the fear of touch I don't mind that so much). In short though; it means I am terrified of going out in public, but wish with all my heart to have a significant other and experience all the things most people my age take for granted.) As well as to freely and happily spend time with my friends. I've had it for a long time, but as of the last 3 years it has become clinically severe, and I've lost touch with pretty much all of my friends because of it. I'm not sharing that personal problem to fish for sympathy believe me. I just feel that knowing those things about me will help you to understand the way I view these lyrics: Tell me everything that happened Tell me everything you saw -I'll go over any sort of conversation I've had with people and dissect it over and over looking for ways I made a fool out of myself, it's almost a form of self torture one that never really stops. They had light inside their eyes -"They" are my friends and loved ones, and the light inside their eyes is the passion every young adult experiences for life when venturing out on their own, something I am simply too terrified to do. Did you see the closing window? Did you hear the slamming door? They moved forward, my heart died -the closing window and slamming door are all the opportunities I have missed out on. "Moving forward" is just that, they have mostly moved on with their lives without me (I know it's my own fault, not theirs, please don't misunderstand me) and "my heart died" is pretty straightforward as well. Knowing they're all so happy without me breaks my heart over and over again Oh please tell me what they looked like Did they seem afraid of you? They were kids that I once knew -the kids again representing friends and how they are almost strangers to me at this point as I no longer know them. I could say it but you wont believe me -my disorder is hard to understand, and because of this I get people telling me to just snap out of it and to go out there and do something instead of moping around and cutting myself off from others. It's tough love on their part but I am so terrified of confrontation that I always agree with them and make hollow promises to do just what they suggest. This has happened so many times that I know they don't believe me and are almost at wits end. You say you do but you don't deceive me -Compliments, I never feel like anyone truly means them, they simply want to try to cheer me up. Part of me knows that most probably are simply compliments but I can't convince myself no matter how I try. It's hard to know they're out there -My friends, again, they are out there every day enjoying life while I close myself off more and more and escape into fantasy to try and bury my overwhelming sadness. And that only works for so long. It's hard to know that you still care -Family, they try to talk to me because they do care about me, and I feel that I've let them down so many times that I hate what I'm putting them through. I could say it but you wont believe me You say you do but you don't deceive me Dead hearts are everywhere -other people suffer from similar social phobias. and it saddens me deeply to think that other people are just as miserable as I am. Did you touch them? Did you hold them? -Love, I want more than anything to experience it, but I can't convince myself to even try, simply out of fear. Did they follow you to town? They make me feel I'm falling down -Seeing couples together; whether it be in the real world or even film has gotten to the point where there is so much envy that it just hurts too much to watch that I just can't do it anymore. in conclusion: I know I'm reading way way way into these lyrics; and most of my interpretations are probably way off, and to be frank maybe even a little self centered of me and I'm just throwing myself a "pity party." but, Everytime I listen to this It brings these feelings to the surface immediatly and I can't help it but to cry. I want to cry I, why? Well I read somewhere that crying is the body's way of dumping the excess hormones that are overwhelming the person and help them to calm down. It makes sense to me and I am so miserable that I'll do almost anything to be rid of this constant strain. As a guy admitting to crying, let alone wanting to cry is a humiliating thing to admit to. But, despite that it is true, it is me at my core and I really just needed somewhere to say these things. I'm probably going to immediately regret sharing this with people on the internet, since in my experience a large group of people love to antagonize and belittle others for sharing deep feelings. At this point, rock bottom isn't too far down anymore, so what's the use of keeping these feelings in anymore? I just hope to finally get someone to understand how I feel and maybe share their own views on my interpretation of this beautiful and saddening song. Thank you. |
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