Bruised's Journal

  • 6 Entries
  • Archives for July 2012
  • Learn my language.

    by Bruised on July 31, 2012

    I walked to Trader Joes early this morning, and no one was there but a deaf chashier.

    The sign at his check out said, "Hello Customers, I am deaf. Please write your questions down and I will happy to help."

    I stared at that pad of paper for half a minute, struggling to overcome an overwhelming desire to pick up the pen and write to him. But I smiled politely, signed, "thank you" and walked away.

    Because that's what I do.

     

     

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  • So I'll be on my way.

    by Bruised on July 29, 2012

    My thoughts are so tangeld right now. Like my earbuds always are. I've spent the last hour trying to unwravel them.

    Koda, you're on my mind all of the time. Your smile is contagious. You don't say much, but you make every word mean something. You're thoughtful and clever and charming in a way that no one else notices.

    I hold on to those moments. Lifeguarding with you at the pool. We're required to wear sunglasses, but I can always tell when you're staring at me, and when I catch you, you smile in that bowed way, that makes my heart swells.

    Today you wrote my name in a heart on the weekly pool schedule and I was tongue tied and unprepared. I weakly walked away and I'm kicking myself for my awkwardness. What is wrong with me? I want you. So bad. What is wrong with me?

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  • July 20, 2012

    by Bruised on July 20, 2012

    I don't have to work until noon today, so naturally, instead of sleeping in, I decided to wake up early to catch the 2005 adaption of Pride and Prejudice of FX.

    I am so aware of how cliche it is for a book obsessed 18 year old girl to have a literary crush on Mr. Darcy, but I just can't help it. I'm naturally attracted to stoic characters, maybe because I'm habitually a bit stoic myself. I like that Darcy's charming, yet reserved, and also cynical and witty. Yeah, that's pretty much sums up my type of guy. He's also easy for me to relate to, in terms of his lack of social grace.  It was easy to catch that he wasn't exceedingly prideful, as his first impression portrayed, but maybe just introverted. Through the whole first half of the book and through all of Elizabeth's hasty criticisms, I was begging her to give the poor man a break.  "Elizabeth, I certainly have not the talent which some people possess of conversing easily with people I have not seen before." Duh, Elizabeth, the guy's just shy...

    And I don't intend to be so harsh on Elizabeth's character either. I like her too and as a 19th century English literature fangirl, I'm glad those two misunderstood lovebirds ended up together in the end.

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  • Macabre,

    by Bruised on July 08, 2012

    I spent the whole afternoon with your in your living room watching episode after episode of Supernatural. Why do you hate Sam so much? You mock his sensitivity, but you're just as sensitive. Surely, you're cognizant of that.

    Later you ask, "why haven't we done this through all of high school? We could have finished the whole series by now!"

    I know that was a rhetorical question, Justin, but I'll tell you why.
    The first two years of high school, I was so shamelessly self involved that I refused to give you the time of day. And the last two years of high school, you were shamelessy absorbed with the love of your life and I realized too late how much I missed your friendship. Classic tale as old as time.

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  • Arizona.

    by Bruised on July 03, 2012 A week before my junior year of high school, my family vacationed to some remote spa resort in Scottsdale, Arizona. When I am as cold as can be, I take myself back to that desert. I picture it so lucidly. I'm half naked and content on an adobe-style hotel balcony at 11 pm, purposefully ignoring my chiming cell phone. The outlines of spiny cactus blend in with the miniscule surrounding mountain ranges. I've lived in California my whole life, but I remember nothing like the bone dry heat of Arizona. The desert is a cruel mistress, but the sky is so clear at night. The stars, the stars, the stars. I was flipping through dog ears of 1001 Arabian Nights, and I remember grinning at just how suiting the story was to the night. Scheherazade's story within a story. Occasionally and sporadically, the smell wafts into my dreams. The desert smells like sage and creosote and the scent is all at once comforting and I'll wake up warmed by the memory of the mustiness of post rainfall soil. I yearn so much to go back to that time. I was sixteen and I had friends and I was missed. All I worried about were intricate love triangles and why a certain freshmen insisted I was hot. No Comments
  • Moth and the Lightbulb.

    by Bruised on July 02, 2012 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). God, I've suffered, I've suffered, I suffered. Please help me. No Comments
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