I just got done with movie night.
I watched soo many movies, and it was very relaxing.

I watched Wall-e for the first time, and I have been wanting to watch it for like..EVER. And it was amazing, five times better than anyone said it was. I cried at the ending too, because it was super sweet.

Oh and before you call me emo,
don't leave your rude comments in my journal.
Keep them to yourself, because 9 times out of 10,
NO ONE CARES.

I'll ignore you anyway, might as well stop reading my journal.


K?

Larine.

And I seriously thought it was someone else.
I realized I have not looked at myself in the mirror for a long time.
Its so stupid, I should more often because 9 times out of 10, I probably look like shit.

I just want someone to hang out with besides my neighbor..
://///.


Larine.

I ate.
And I threw up, and I threw up, and I threw up.

://///.

The halls are too long and not wide enough. Everyone is pushing and shoving to get to their classes. I look in all directions, for someone to save me from this rushing sea of who-knows-what. I don't want to go to class. I jam myself out of the four-way and cut the corner. Down the isle of lockers of all the kids with the last name L. i see his locker. I look away, someone might see me looking at it.I walk into the library. The library is the only place where I can actually breath. I first go up to my ancient dictionary and make sure its on my page.

Longing (noun): A eager desire for something distant or unattainable.

The librarian signs a pass for me to come back to the library at Study Hall. I pick up a book, and read it till the bell rings. I go to my locker, put the backpack that is someday going to give me a hunchback in my locker, and go in the lunch line. I see him, he is always first in the line, first to get out of it.

I don't get anything that contains meat. I hate it, not because I want to save the animals, just because I don't want to eat it. I sit next to rejects, I guess you can say "friends" but I never talk to them out of school. I sit there..and sit there. Then, once the barely audible bell rings, a rush of sardines try to get out
a tiny door at the same time. I try not to go out the same door as him. But I want
to..

I learn whatever I need to in French, then hurry to the library again. And I feel myself again.

Screw study hall.

When I get on the bus, I sit where I usually sit. Left side, third to last seat. I talk to a few people, I laugh, I smile. Then we get off the bus, and I say bye. I won't smile for the rest of the night. I listen to music all night and I play with my cat.

I just wake up the next morning with the same attitude.

Play dead.

Larine.

Ugh, today is so boring, and its nothing like "school boring" its like, "Holy god if I don't find something to do I will bury myself alive.".
Nothing new has happened lately. I almost got into a fight with Lauren.
Lauren- "I told Cory he had a stalker."
Me- "Why the hell would you do that?"
Lauren- "Because he does, and he knows it."
Me- "Mind your own business, how bout that?."
Lauren- " Excuse me?"

And on and on. She tried acting tough and I just started talking to someone else. I didn't want to get involved with her or her anger problems. Thats not something I have time for. She tries to get into fights, and I don't fight. Even though I would want to take someone on any day.

This weekend isn't going very well, I just want it to end so I can think of something to do in school. Its so hard not having many friends outside of school.

Larine.

-So today wasn't really exciting.
Or anything but boring.
He skips, she skips, I skip.
We all skip classes.
The class got in trouble and had to be punished.
We were too loud when the sub was subbing.
In french.

I ate peas and 5 grapes and had loads of water.

Boom whacka whacka boom =
Thats a song our band played in some of our marching band show thingys.
Only cory has a hard time actually figuring it out.
He had to write the song name three times.
And everytime there was something different in the name.

Boom Whack Whack boom
Boom Whacka Whacka Boom.
Boom Whacka Whacka Whacka Boom.

He failed!!!.

Larine.

It was the same day as usual.
Cory got some sun dried tomato chips today, I might try em out.
XD.
In 8th period Austin and Brandon got into a fight. And no one likes Brandon, so the whole situation was just total bullshit. So I called Brandon out and I told him to meet me by my locker so I can beat his ass.

He was a no-show, what a pansy.

I love Cory.

But that was yesterday, today he's just an asshole who broke my heart and fucked my life over.

Larine.

3:00 a.m. : First attempt to sleep.
6:00 a.m. : First alarm.
6:30 a.m. : Second alarm.
6:39 a.m. : Last alarm.
6:57 a.m. : Out the door.
7:25 a.m. : Smile, wave, say hi.
7:30 a.m. : English.
8:20 a.m. : Health, with my best friend Larry.

9:07 a.m. : Art, Charcoal fight again.
(( Zach grabbed my face and his hands had charcoal all over them.
So naturally, my face was stained black until I went to the bathroom where they had soap. ))

9:54 a.m. : Math, Bader gave me a huge hug.
((I showed Mr.Hoover that I can't learn by the way HE teaches, I told Aaron I liked Austin.))

11:24 a.m. : Biology, Smile at Austin, and everyone else.
((Don't learn a single thing. and move on))

12:08 p.m. : Lunch.
((Sit with Megan, Stacy, Logan, Larry, Sometimes Austin comes over, Jake. Cory looks at me sometimes, but why?.))

12:43 p.m. : French, substitute.
((Do my worksheets with Megan, joke around with Angle((last name)) snf Jazmine. Angle names me Ringo. I don't know if its a compliment of not?))

1:30 p.m. : Study Hall.
((Fred hangs out with me. I don't know if Austin stares at me or Makayla.))

After school.
((I ignore that gay fag and Sierra. Fred comes to my locker and walks me out to the bus and asks me out. He says he doesn't know if he should ask me though because I guess we have only known eachother for a little while. I say I need time to think about it. Austin texts me, and then he says someone told him I liked him, and I said who?. And it basically went on till he tricked me.))

Doesn't this sound like a middle school little girl?.
I bet my day was more logical than this.
Larine.

Of cory.
Everyday.
Trying to think of a way not to think of him the next day.
Trying to think of something I don't like about him.
Trying not to think about him.
Figuring out a new way not to make this two months.
Cory.
Trying not to look at his myspace.
Trying not to look at him entirely.
Trying to stop thinking he is perfect.
Loving that I love him.
Thinking about his amazing hair.
The smile I would give when I saw him.
Its bittersweet.
I want to move on.
Larine.

Two months and counting :/.

Today English and Health were the same boring highschool classes I wish I didn't have to take over and over again.
Art was pretty fun, I had a childish charcoal fight with Zach, it was pretty messy.
For math, A2, had a fight with my teacher, who keeps singling me out because I take notes, so he always asks me what I'm doing. I don't get the point in that. :/. I got some halloween candy, I chose a kitkat. I ate it slowly.
For history, it was boring.
For Advanced Biology, it was pretty okie, I got a sorta bad score on my notebook, and I caught my classmate take a glance at my boobs while he was talking to me, wtf? XD.
I didn't eat anything for lunch. The lunch ladys made us cake for our lunch and at first i dropped mine on the freezer for the milk, I caught it though. Then I went to sit at my table, ((next to cory, well a few seats away)) and I dropped my cake on my chair, so I was really pissed . Then someone gave me another piece of cake, and I accidently dropped it, caught it, and then dropped it again.


Obviously, my body didn't want cake today.
Larine.

I think.
I am done writing.
:/.
Until we meet again.
Or I just find something exciting to write about.

Bye...
Larine.

I collect things.
I don't know if its some disorder or something.
But I steal those little packets from the cafeteria.
With the spork, straw, and napkin in the little plastic bag.
I put them (about three) up my sleeve.
And then grab a couple in my hand.
I try to be sneaky about it.
But sometimes I see people with a big WTF on their face.
And I just play cool.
But my friends know, whenever I open my locker, there is a big pile of them.
Is that bad?.
Larine.
((Someone.)).

I didn't mean to be encouraged.
I could care less, I'll write either way.
ADFD. is like ADD, only with a fuck in the middle of it.
Because I type too fast and then I start making mistakes and it makes me mad. But I was reading someone elses journal and they kept getting all the letters in the words mixed up and I was like wtf?.

Larine.
Nothing is going on today so my post isn't that exciting, sorry.
Erm.
(Insert forgotten name).
.

Yeah, if you didn't read my last post, too bad.
I deleted it.
:D.
Because I had too many errors because I was typing too fast.
And I didn't give a shit.
But anyway.
Reply to this and give me a topic.
But no one will reply.


Larine.

Yeah, like moving forever.
I just noticed that I really don't want to be out in Ohio anymore.
It's not really that cool, and it got old in an hour.
So I am leaving my house at 6 am.
On halloween day.
And my flight leaves at 8 am.
Stop in Chicago.
((Which is retarded, I don't want to stop anywhere))
And I leave at 9 am.
Arrive at Las Vegas at 11 am.

I don't know why.
I just am.
Larine.

I'm moving away from ohioland.
Yayy!.
My mom is buying me a ticket for LasVegasLand.
She has it all planned out, you know, my little life.
She is giving me a canon pro camera.
And I'll help her with her Cake Shop.
Every Saturday we will clean, yayy. :/.
And I get to see my old friends.
So mostly, I guess she is liking me moving back.
ANNDDDD I am too, sorta.
I just wish I can take some of my old friends back with me.
But everything else is ohkie. I am just getting some stuff that I want to keep, and giving away most of my belongings to the community center. Like clothes, because I can't fit them in my suitcases that I don't have. And plus, I want to get new clothes in a new style.


Style.
XD.


Larine.

Are the worst.
Wednesdays are my favorite.
I don't know, they always have been.
Thursdays are invisible to me.
Fridays pass me by.
Saturdays are spent having fun.
Sundays never end :/.


Larine.

Are super boring, because everyone around me put their heads down. They don't want to talk and most of the girls are bitches. Hello!!. Monday doesn't mean you have to act like your on your period. Be happy, or act like it, like I do. Bitch.

I noticed how sick looking Lindsey is. Whats it from?. I'll find out. I hate looking at her, with her too-pale skin and her purple rimmed eyes. Like she just got zero sleep :/.



Larine.

Isn't really cool anymore.
Its just one of those events at school, that you know you aren't going to enjoy, but you go anyway. Just to see your friends, or say that you went there. Zach(not zach long) tried getting me to dance with David because he was really still bummed that I didn't go with him. I said no, because if he was sad that I wasn't going with him, why did he come anyway?. For the most part i was with random friends at different time, talking to everyone. And Aubrey was there, I felt bad because after the whole ordeal with Mikey, I don't really trust her, but she still is right about the whole thing. Maybe next weekend I will stay the night. I don't know just yet though. Then I saw Aaron. And it was pathetic that he was all over Dawn right after being screwed over by her. Then her "boyfriend" cheated on her. Then she started crying to him that she didn't have a date. I just think that was fucked up. And now she is back together with Mike(boyfriend).

Larine.
Thats pretty much all I have to say :/.

its actually Lea.
Leah is a character in the bible.
Maybe you should catch up on some stuff old man.
Larine.

I miss you too!.
Haha I want to talk to you more :P.

awakenpunk.
Cory and Zach are not lame names.
Mindy cooper is though..I will say that.
But I love the name cory.
But Zach is used for like, 20 million kids in one county.
Stop being mean, YOUR NAME IS LAME TOO!!.
Mine is special.
^_^.


Larine

So earlier this week I was riding the bus, and on the side of the road there was a house all taped up in yellow caution tape. It turns out there was a murder there that same day. This guy was drunk and killed his girlfriend by beating her to death and throwing a tv at her or something. And I was like wtf?.
But today is homecoming. Which is cool, but I am not really that excited. Its at 8. And this homecoming game we won. ONLY because the team we faced sucked worse than us, they didn't even win a game. We won like two. Only. Lots of things happened and I got a lot of laughs. But it was happiness. Aaron came over ((remember when I thought I was in love with aaron lmao)) and we were talking and then all of a sudden he was like I have to go. And he just gave me a hug. Haha, I was like ohkie.. because this whole year I have known aaron, I have never hugged him. It was funny.

Homecoming King and Queen are:
Zach Long and Mindy Cooper.
^^Cory's older brother.
He is a cool kid.
I really like my friends.


Larine.

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel.
I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.
the needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting.
try to kill it all away, but I remember everything.

what have I become?, my sweetest friend.
everyone I know, goes away in the end.

you could have it all, my empire of dirt.
I will let you down, I will make you hurt.

I wear this crown of shit, upon my liar's chair.
full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair.
beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear.
you are someone else, I am still right here.

what have I become?, my sweetest friend.
everyone I know, goes away in the end.

and you could have it all, my empire of dirt.
I will let you down, I will make you hurt.

if I could start again, a million miles away.
I would keep myself, I would find a way .

Larine.

Haha.
So I went to the Hudson Band Show and it was the coolest thing.
The bands are so cool and the things kids do for the band!.
It was so muddy and I would hate that!. It was really amazing though. Even though some bands kicked Southeasts ass, it was ohkie. Because I bet you, our kids from our school are really that much cooler than any other kid. Cory said Hi. Then a few minutes later asked if I thought they did good. I said they did and then he called me a liar. So did Kevin. I don't know what to think of Kevin. Scott and him were getting at it because of Jess. I guess Scott got mad that Jess used to hang out with him. WTF?.
Anyway,
I am really bored with life right now.
At the band I almost got ran over by a car. T_T
I was texting.

Don't text and stand in a open parking lot, people WILL back into you and old ladies WILL go "OHMYGODWATCHOUT!!"


Larine.

I deleted a lot more entries.
Idon't know why.
I just think that so many things in my life change so much and so fast that nothing really applies to my life anymore, so I just delete it really.
But today I plan on going to the Hudson Band show. To watch all my friends play in the band. And Cory of course.
And yeah, Jc, your bet is still on.

"I will love Cory for two months, not counting the month I already have."
I will love him longer than that.
Just watch me.


Larine.
((Thats not my name.))
lmao.

Larine.

Haha, Cory does not look like that.
He is so cool, and cute.
And I always wear hoodies.
24/7.
literally.

Yeah, I'll bet.
Today I hugged Cory.
For the first time in my life.
It lasted like thirty seconds.
Two pictures.
Proof for myspace.
Oh how I love that kid.
Not Obsessed, Not Obsessed, Not Obsessed.
I saw my brother.
Four hugs.
Saw Travis.
One huge one minute hug that spinned.
Hugged a guy named Sean?.
One minute, spinny, off-the-ground, regular hug.
Hug?.
Anyone?.
Larine.

Haha, Well I think a lot.
But doesn't everyone?.
Jeeeeezzzz.
Today was boring and usual, as everyday.
So I really have nothing to say.
You should give me a topic to talk about, I will.
haha.
Larine.

Have you ever had a feeling that you want to be with someone?.
Like you are with someone, but you wish they were that other person.
You would be so happy to be with someone else.
But you are stuck with that one person.
Instead of thinking of that person ^^ you think of that other person.
And its so hard, because you just want to die.
You want to run away.
And steal that other person.
....I realized I want Cory Long..

I'll kill you.
Let me catch you in my sight again.
I will kill you, I'm sure I can do it.
I'll smack you into the grass.
Let me find you, just watch.
You're worthless and a piece of shit.
I'll kill you, remember that too.
I will go to his house, and take you down.
Test me, try me.
I swear on everything that you will be dead the next time I see you.
Tell me you love me again fatass.
Fuck you.


I'll kill him.

Well that last entry, I didn't really have time to write a lot.
I was with Scott and Jessica all freaking day for like ten hours.
I wonder how much snakes are.. I am going to figure that out.
I have been talking to Jake too, Jessicas brother.
He seems ok.
I held a snake for the first time yesterday.
I was shaking and crying before but after an hour he was sleeping in my hood of my jacket while I played guitar hero. XD
It was my first time playing guitar hero too. :D.
Scott is so cool.
He had baby ducks that were so small and a baby peacock.
And a horse and a million chickens roaming in the woods.
Its a pretty busy house. But I love it there.
I am sick.
Ew.
Noo!!!!


Larine.

With this mess.
Cory can do, what Cory wants to do.
And I don't want to make him feel.
Like he has to be with me.
So I will just tell him that, and see what he has to say.
But I am going to start opening up to people, ya know?.
Meet new girls and guys who like me.
Be friendly to everyone.
Except Matt Cool, I fucking hate him, he's so fat.
So that's how its going to be.
I will be asked to Homecoming from someone I really like.
And I will make this the best year I can make it.
I am just going to see what happens.

Not testing fate..




Larine :D

Well today was ok. Great.
Uhm..
I sat next to Cory at lunch for the first time.
Did you know how hard it was though??
I was shaking, and my legs would tighten and I could not walk.
Jessica made me. haha.
But he is the most adorable thing ever in the world.
I am going to the balloon fair Saturday just to see him play.
And he knows that.
:]
I don't know why I like him so much.
But I enjoy that I do.
He was wearing his red pants today, spiffy ;].
I told him I loved him and that he is so cute.
He said "sppffft" :D

Cory Long. <3



Larine.
((The rest of the day basically was the same. Cory said Hi in the halls though.))

Tomorrow sucks.
Jessica ((did I talk about her before?))
Well, her brother said that I am cute.
And that he wants to get to know me.
But I really don't know him at all.
And besides, I really like Cory.
But things are not going to well with that.
And its retarded!! Because I finally like a guy.
Who JC accepts, kinda.
And he doesn't know if he wants to get to know me?.
Crap.
Darn.
Anyway, Good Night.
I am tired of today.
Hail Satan!!!
XD

What did I say?.
Nothing happened.
Not even close today.
He said the opposite of what I wanted.
But who says what I want?.
No one.
I am going to school tomorrow .
And I won't say a single word.
To show everyone how much I hate them.
I hate them all.
I am alone.
They made me that way.
Larine.

So tonight at the football game, it was a big bummer. I felt super empty and not wanting to do anything but cry.

Do you know that feeling that whenever you blink your eyes, you see someone? Well I have that feeling. But I don't know why. You should see this kid, and yes JC, it's Cory. XD

He plays the Sax for the marching band, so does his older brother. His other older brother just plays sex. But lets not get into him, I don't really like him XD. But Cory is super funny. All the other marching kids are standing straight, and he moves around, it looks like he is really into playing the Sax. Then he walks funny, when everyone else is straight. it's the cutest thing to watch.

Can you push me off softly?

But the ending of my night was horrible, and I know I keep getting more and more private about my things, and I am sorry. But I really don't want to talk about what happened at the end.

I can tell by the look in your eyes, just give me one more weekend.

Well, I came up that if I kept a journal at home, I write in everyday, then I can just copy it on here every sunday night. It might be easier because you will know whats really going on . Like instead of whatever I randomly put down here.

Sorry, Goodnight.

Your Larine.

I think your getting through to me Cory..

Well Jc, jeez.
Enough with the emo stuff. I am not emo.. I know I'm not.
Travis stole my book from the library..which reminds me I have to renew them all.

Lately I've been wondering a lot of stuff in life. I decided to just stop using my phone and everything but this journal...and myspace. And books and music. But everything else I can give a shit less for.

I have nothing else to put but this day sucked far worse than a lot of days. I can't get the courage to sit with Cory...

Anyway ,
I just wish there was a 'no' button.
When Mikey says he wants to stay with me 'no'.
Do I want breakfast 'no'.
Everything I don't want 'no'.

I wish someone could invent that for me. So I don't have to waste my time and breathe yelling, and crying.

I just want to be on the floor dead.
Literally.
I don't want to live like this anymore, I don't want to live.


larine.

Uhm. This is the first and last time I'll say this.
And no offence or anything but.
JC, your full of shit, ahaha.

How could one person I just met, move me to talk a lot, bunches?
I dont understand.
But I cant sleep.


Larine.
T_T

I have not been writing in my journal at all.
I lost intrest in it, along with loads of stuff.
Maybe I'm just finally growing up .

I made a poem, and its the only thing I have to write here.
Its mine, so don't copy it.
Or I'll send you to Australia.
And you'll die.
of StickAids and fatness.

It changes who you are,
and it changes how you feel,
It makes you go so far,
that nothing seems too real.

You put everything you have in it,
and the person who makes you this way,
You love them even more than you admit,
That you would give the world just to make them stay.

They tell you that they will,
Then they tell you that they would,
Some promises that they never get to fulfill,
And they leave you saying that they should.

The best thing to do is forget,
Thats what they say is for the best,
It's too bad I live life without regret,
Because you would fill the lines with all the rest.

But its too hard me,
I had given you my heart,
I wish you could open your eyes and see,
What happened when we fell apart.

I feel empty and confused,
And sorry for the next person to come along,
Because my heart is so battered and bruised,
That letting someone in just feels so wrong.

You were the only thing holding me here,
And when I turn to go back,
I can't take another step and it makes everything so clear,
It's self confidence that I lack.

So I'll take my heart and fix it,
With glue and tape and mend it together,
I'll put it in a box where it will fit,
And save it for the next rainy weather.

Today is pretty cool I guess.
If you think about it, it is ok.
I have been listening to music all day, seriously.
I have been on the computer all day. It's crazy
Time goes by too fast, so don't waste it on regrets.

Nothing has happened, so I'll just make a short post before I go to sleep.

To the 3 people who might actually read this,
Bye

Leah