[97] well i guess this is growing up by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-08-10 17:23:20
so i did this survey on may 5th, 2008. i was fifteen. i wanna see how much my answers changed. so im leaving the then, and adding in the now.
1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
That would be the mother. ---> [now] pops
2. What kind of car do you drive?
...The invisible kind? ---> [now] bright red 2001 hyundai tiburon. my fucking baby<3
3. Have you ever had a garage sale?
No, but I always wanted to have one. ---> [now] still no, but i don't really wanna.
4. What color is your iPod?
Hot pink. But I really need one that holds more than 1,000 songs D: ---> [now] black. it holds 60,000 :)
5. What kind of dog do you have?
A very overweight Cairn Terrier named Cobe. We watch TV together all the time. ---> [now] same
6. What's for dinner tonight?
Some gross chicken stuff and rice and a salad. My parents are dieting, therefore we ALL have to suffer. ---> [now] idk, whatever i make myself. i'm the one on the diet now, so i fend for myself. my mom usually cooks healthy anyway though.
7. What is the last drink you drank?
Milk. ---> [now] water
8. Last time you were sick?
Uhhhh, right now. ---> [now] june
9. How long is your hair?
About shoulder length. ---> [now] same
10. Are you happy right now?
I guess. I'm just kinda... blah. ---> [now] yeah, but i'm tired
11. What did you say last?
"Ooooo love me dead!" ...I was singing Ludo. ---> [now] i'm not sure. i'm in my room home alone, so idk what i last said outloud.
12. Who came over last?
Choliee! ---> [now] babyboy
13. Do you drink beer?
Oh, you meen urine in a bottle? No. No I do not. ---> [now] yes
14. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
Yes. He's 19, and he still does it.
He's obviously REALLY, REALLY clever. ---> [now] not anymore, me and james are really really close now
15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys?
I'll letcha know when I actually have keys. ---> [now] its a little vw beetle with 'let it be' written on the back. my grandma gave it to me :)
16. What is in your pocket?
Lint. ---> [now] wegmans reciept, a few dollars
17. Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Livin' the $!ngL3 L!f3. ---> [now] sarah
18. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with?
Mom. Or Nikki. ---> [now] mom
19. What DVD is in your DVD player?
Juno! ---> [now] donnie darko
20. What's something fun you did today?
Sat on my bedroom floor and sang along to Bayside songs really loudly. Alone. OMG, SO FUN!#$%^& ...joking. It was pretty lame actually. ---> [now] sex. ahaha.
21. What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
Gary from Spongebob. ---> [now] jenna, from lacrosse<3
22. What are you listening to right now?
Don't Call Me Peanut by Bayside ---> [now] catch and release by silversun pickups
23. What have you had to drink so far today?
Gatorade, Orange Soda, Lemonade, Milk. ---> [now] water
24. When is your birthday?
May 11th ---> [now] obv same
25. What's the area code for your cell phone?
908 ---> [now] same
26. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
The Ferret Music tent at Bamboozle last night. ---> [now] tilly's
27. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
I think that's illegal in Jersey. ---> [now] clean linen airfreshener :)
28. How many states in the U.S. have you been to?
Four - New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Texas
Five, if you count New Jersey. ---> [now] still same
29. What are you going to do after this?
Sleep. Or math homework. Probably sleep though haha. ---> [now] change and go swimming at luke's with nick and the boys
30. What is something you need to go shopping for?
Shorts. ---> [now] school clothes :(
31. Do you like pickles?
Dill only please! ---> [now] same
32. How about olives?
Yes, omg. ---> [now] still same
33. What is your favorite kind of gum?
Orbit. ---> [now] five
34. Do you have any tan lines?
Ugh, yes. My legs are only tan from my ankle to halfway up my thigh. My arms are only tan from my shoulder to my hand. And there's a ring around my neck from my shirt. GOTTA LOVE LACROSSE. ---> [now] mhm, bathing suit ones
35. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Miss Finklestein! ---> [now] same
36. Who was the last person to call you baby?
Dunno... ---> [now] boyfriend
37. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout?
YES! I love it. ---> [now] not really, wegmans doesn't have one & that's where i go when i shop alone
38. Has anyone ever sang to you?
Does Applebee's count? ---> [now] yup
39. Has anyone ever given you roses?
No. ---> [now] same
40. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
Hells yeah! I used to go camping with my brothers boy scout troop almost every weekend when I was little. And now I go camping all the time (: ---> [now] haha, yes. been there done that. don't camp when you're high, by the way.
41. What is your favorite color?
Army Green. ---> [now] same, plus purple
42. What color are your eyes?
Lightish Redish Brown. ---> [now] same
43. What is a compliment you receive way too often?
"You're so cute!" Simply because I'm tiny. ---> [now] same
44. How tall are you?
A whopping 5 foot NUTHIN. ---> [now] same
45. Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?
Probably Amber yesterday. ---> [now] nick, when he was over earlier
46. Do you like your parents?
Daddy, yeah. Mommy is a whole diffferent story :/ ---> [now] no
47. Why did your last relationship end?
He was controlling as hell. And moody. And exhausting. ---> [now] he was a dick
48. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
No clue. ---> [now] nick
49. Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Texas ---> [now] same
50. Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
Eat, for sure. ---> [now] sleep
51. Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
I don't know. I look like my grandma, but I don't know about my parents. ---> [now] same
52. How long does it take you to shower?
Around 20 minutes, give or take. ---> [now] 10-15 minutes
53. Can you do splits?
Not anymore :( ---> [now] same
54. Can you use the grill?
Yeah! ---> [now] yes, and i can cook hot dogs over an open fire hahaha
55. Are you flexible?
Somewhat. ---> [now] yeah ;) hahahaha
56. What movie do you want to see?
The Orphange. And The Strangers. And a few others. ---> [now] paper heart
57. What did you on New Years Eve 2007?
Partied like it was 2008.
Oh wait... ---> [now] well this new years me and nichole cooped our selves up in my empty house and drank like 2 bottles of vodka<3
58. Was your mom a cheerleader?
Nooooo. ---> [now] she wishes
59. What is the last letter of your middle name?
H. ---> [now] same
60. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Six or Seven. ---> [now] like 4. same as errrr night
61, Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Most times. ---> [now] yeah
62. Are you scared of flying?
Nope! ---> [now] can't be too sure, i haven't flown in like 9 years
63. What do you sleep in?
Tshirt and shorts. Or sports bra and shorts. ---> [now] boyshorts and a tee
64. Do you have any tattoos?
No, but I want some so badly. ---> [now] nine months, one day til i cannnnnn!
65. Have you ever been to Los Angeles?
No. ---> [now] nope
66. What jewelry do you wear all the time?
I have a few necklaces I wear a lot, but I usually forget. ---> [now] my east meets west jewelry: peace bracelet, unity bracelet, no fear bracelet, and celtic weave necklace
67. What is your favorite song at the moment?
Heartless by A Day To Remember.
Or Landing Feet First by Bayside.
Or Don't Call Me Peanut by Bayside.
OR (Last one, I swear) Love Me Dead by Ludo.
Listen to them all, pronto. ---> [now] i've rediscovered glassjaw. favorite = vermont connection.
68. What song do you HATE?
Anything by Metro Station. ---> [now] everything on the radio. holy shit, i need a cd player for my car
69. Do you like chocolate?
A little too much. ---> [now] eh
70. Are you easy to get along with?
Usually. ---> [now] sometimes
71. Any up coming events you're excited about?
My birthday! One week exactly! ---> [now] senior fucking year
[96] three times alone this week, i was supposed to be a rock star by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-08-08 17:01:12
i accidentally made my entire journal in italics
i kinda like it
i'm leaving it like this
i'm doing this survey with just my recently added
so there's probably gunna be a lot of glassjaw
song #1: star above my bed by glassjaw
your favorite lyric from this song:
'why can't i glow?'
does this song have any bad memories attached?
nope
what genre is this?
hardcore
song #2: by your side by cocorosie
what's the last line of this song?
all i want with my life is to die a housewife, is to die a housewife
have you ever seen this artist live?
nope
who does this song make you think of?
no one really. this song creeps me out, i won't lie. its about taking any amount of abuse from a guy, just because you want to be with him forever. all she wants to do is die his housewife. she'll even "wear your black eyes" "i don't ask why, and i try not to cry"
song #3: still by matt nathanson
what's the first line of this song?
i remember hearts that beat
where did you first hear this song?
pandora radio
how about the first time you heard the artist?
on z100 or some other station like that, playing come on get higher
song #4: el mark by glassjaw
which friend could this be a theme tune for and why?
i can see this working for nick. dealing with his mental and emotional instabilities. dealing with his insecurity. dealing with the fact that he broke edge.
write down the chorus:
driving me crazy
you're driving me, you're driving me
driving me crazy
you're driving me insane
why do you like this song?
its the epitome of glassjaw
chaotic, strong, unforgiving
song #5: piano by glassjaw
what kind of film would you choose this as the theme for?
something like subUrbia. where the title character has a complete meltdown based on his friends and himself.
who introduced you to this artist?
i don't even know
best part of this song:
daryl palumbo
song #6: microphone by coconut records
the fourth line reads:
there's no where to park after it gets dark
how long is this song?
2:52
is it one of your favourites?
eh, no
song #7: clark gable by the postal service
how long have you been listening to this artist?
a while
what's the cover look like on the album this came from?
its a corner of a window with sheer white drapes. you can also see the wooden footboard of a bed.
what's this song about?
the desperate need of proof that love is real, and the longing for a perfect movie screen love.
has your favourite song come up?
not really
[95] stand up, fist out, this is the real thing! by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-08-08 02:17:34
i've developed an enormous crush on my boyfriend's best friend.
what song best represents my personality?
sometimes (i wish) by city and colour yeah, that works
what song will be played at my funeral?
i am the walrus by the beatles i hope so. i want my funeral to be a celebration of my life. everyones drunk, everyones dancing. tell funny stories about me and laugh, don't scream and cry clinging to each other in your stiff ugly black suits
will i ever love somebody?
oxycodone by glassjaw doesn't fit at alllll
will i be successful in life?
and the sentence trails off... by the devil wears prada oooo, mysterious
will i get married even if my love life is out of shape?
here's your letter by blink 182 thats a no
will anyone accept me for who i am?
he don't know by the boy judas i'd take this as a yes. it's such a nice song :)
how will i die?
weekend warriors by a change of pace at this point, i wouldn't be surprised. it'd be so easy to drink dance and drug myself to death
who will kill me?
my life for hire by a day to remember nothing can fucking kill me niggaz!
will i be a murderer myself?
tessellate by tokyo police club aw, no this song is cute
how has my life been so far?
girls on trampolines by ludo ahahaha yo i WISH my life was that awesome
what is my current obsession?
try not to save me by two tongues amen
what song best represents my friendship with others?
my hero by foo fighters yeah, this kinda fits me. i put so many people on a pedestal. the littlest things in people impress me so much. i look up to people that might not even no exist.
what is my ideal holiday destination?
the red by chevelle not a place
what is my sexuality?
creep by radiohead HHAHHAHAHHAHA<3<3<3 that sorta just made my day
why are you taking yet another shuffle quiz?
hurricane by something corporate actually, im just bored and i can't sleep
what's currently in your fridge?
lessons learned by matt & kim funny you should say that, the first line goes 'tape holds things that cannot stick and keep leftovers in the fridge'. but really i do store my life lessons in the fridge. wouldn't want 'em to expire yanno.
your biggest nightmare?
make it happen by the early november more of a dream than a nightmare
what place would you like to visit?
o... saya by m.i.a not a place
a reason to commit suicide?
five vicodin chased with a shot of clarity by atreyu legit
why are we here?
mutt by blink 182 sex. why else would we be here?
something you never dared to say to someone?
calm before the storm by fall out boy eh, nah
one thing the world really doesn't need?
carbombs and conversations by embrace the end true
what's your biggest unfulfilled wish?
the archer's bows have broken by brand new noooope
if you could invent something, what would it be?
this circle by paramore this could make sense, with a lot of hard work and explanation hahaha
the last thing you say before you die?
stay where i can see you by the starting line marginally epic
what's your destiny?
manhattan by say anything oh thank god<3
what do you do when you're alone in an elevator?
boring by the pierces yeah, its boring i guess
why do people go fishing?
don't let the sun go down on me by elton john not at all
what would you do with your slaves?
your own disaster 04 by taking back sunday creepily makes sense
is there a man on the moon?
stupid girl by garbage stupid girl, of course there is
what does hell look like?
being from jersey means never having to say you're sorry by cobra starship haha, this may or may not be insulting nj
about what would you like to write a book?
i like you so much better when you're naked by ida maria hahaha, perfect
the best thing ever is...?
handlebars by flobots yeeeeeaaaah, handlebars are awesomeeeee?
why did the chicken cross the road?
red eye by ace enders hahahaha, he hadda catch his flight
why do you listen to music?
come on get higher by matt nathanson fucking perfect
what do you do when you're alone and nobody's watching?
wow, i can get sexual too! by say anything omg awkward hahahaha
why are other people so stupid?
rescue me by fontella bass yes, please do fontella
last thing you ate?
say (all i need) by onerepublic but it was in fact some cheesecake
why is grass green?
in this city by iglu & hartly uh...
your phone is ringing, but who's on the other end?
only one by yellowcard awwww :)
what should you stop doing?
against all odds by phil collins not really
a word of advice to the readers of this quiz?
turncoat by antiflag yeah, yanno
if your life was a movie, what would your soundtrack be?
opening credits:
holdin' it down for the underground by adtr feelin it
waking up:
pretty baby by vanessa carlton aw, how sweet. idk why i'm waking up to it, but whatever
first day at school:
burn by alkaline trio accurate
falling in love:
you won't know by brand new not at ALLLLLLLL
fight song:
after tonight by justin nozuka ahahahha no!
breaking up:
picture perfect wannabe by denver harbor this soundtrack is so inaccurate
prom:
i'm made of wax, larry, what are you made of? by adtr SO MUCH ADTR! doesn't work. well, not really.
life:
millstone by brand new aw fuck, thats depressing
mental breakdown:
you (don't know) by the matches no
driving:
baby got back by throwdown (cover) hahahahha yesssssssss
flashback:
never coming back by the early november so perfectttttttt wow
getting back together:
waves and the both of us by charlotte sometimes yeah, that's good
wedding:
total revenge by say anything noooooooooooooooooooope
birth of child:
shattered by saves the day NO!
final battle:
people like you are why people like me exist by say anything eh, could be better, but this works
death scene:
welcome to bangkok by brand new yeah, yeayeayeayyeah, this works
funeral song:
untitled by evergreen terrace so good<3
end credits:
i was made for you by she and him aw yeah!
and the song you'll use as the title?
darkest of kin by maylene and the sons of disaster
[94] wish that one day they'd figure out how to shrink stars and i could keep one in my bedroom by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-08-07 02:51:25
so i wasn't pregnant
false alarm,
thanks for all the concern
in other news
turns out that the brand new concert i found out about
also features fucking glassjaw
maybe there is a god
nick and i are ridiculously RIDICULOUSLY excited
seeing as those two are both of our top 3 favorite bands
so much shit is going on in my life
and i'm numb to it all
for real
my dad might have cancer
a few months ago he had a heart attack,
and now he might have cancer
i've yet to shed a tear for him
he's been meaner than ever to me
it's hard to cry for him
when he makes me feel worse about myself than anyone i've ever known
according to dear old dad i am:
lazy
stupid
worthless
wasteful
selfish
selfcentered
a bitch
heartless
greedy
an asshole
pointless to this family
a terrible person
disappointing
mean
rude
disrespectful
dirty
wasting my life
going nowhere
overdramatic
the thing that ruins his day almost every morning
the cause of stress/anger/etc in the house
the reason there are fights in the family
and i make every situation worse, no matter what it is
the list goes on
love ya, dad
anyway
the other night
i had the most
violent
intense
painful
scary
breakdown i've had in a LOOOONNNGGG time.
i literally went ballistic
alone
in my bed
for an hour
at 4 in the morning
i almost passed out and threw up because of how hard i was crying
i was literally trying to rip my skin off with my fingernails
i hated everything about me
how ugly i was
how lazy i've become
how boring i was
how no one liked me
how i wasn't proud of myself
how alone i felt
how empty i felt
how jealous i was of everyone
how happy everyone else was
how self conscious i was
how weak i've become
how i can't deal with anything
how moody i am
i don't know why i did that in the past tense
i still feel all of it
still believe all of it
i just push it out of my mind now
its fucking exhausting having a mental breakdown
or maybe it was an emotional breakdown
what the fuck is the difference
i think
and have thought
that i am bipolar
but i will never say that out loud
songmeanings, you know more about me than anyone else on the planet.
why is it
that i can spill my whole life
everything i can NEVER tell anyone
into this PUBLIC online journal
its not anonymous
my full name is in here multiple times
HI, I'M COURTNEY BURGESS
plus, it comes up on my internet homepage one of my most visited sites
anyone who goes online on my computer can easily read all of this
so why?
wait, i think i know
what the fuck i'm talking to myself
hi, whatever
i still think i know the answer to the question!
answer 1: i subconsciously want someone to find this, just so they know. i want people to know, because i want them to tell me i'm not worthless. or crazy. or ugly. or boring. or anything else like that.
answer 2: i can't deal with talking deeply face to face, or even on the phone. too fucking awkward. i'll change the subject or start laughing. because if i don't, i'll cry. or they'll hug me, and THEN i'll cry. and i do not cry in front of people. not even my closest friends, not even my family. i don't even think my brother's seen me cry since i was little.
i think somethings wrong with me
whatever, just give me heavy drugs. sedate me.
let me fake my way thru the rest of my life
let me be numb for the rest of my life
its so much easier than dealing with emotions
smoked today, smoking tomorrow.
man, i love avoiding my life.
[93] so take the boy to the back cover up his ears; we got some dirty little secrets we don't want him to hear by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-07-29 15:36:02
so i
could possibly be
maybe am probably am
pregnant.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
i was in denial
missed my period by a week and a half
continued to be in denial
then, july was over in 4 days
and i still never got it
so i cried
a lot
and i shook
and i held nick
and i cried
and i worried
nick sat me down and said something that actually made a lot of sense
even if it was a bit harsh
"courtney, crying is not going to do anything. worrying about it and being fucking depressed from now on will not change the fact that you are pregnant. it will not make you get your period. we fucked up, but we're going to fix it. man up, baby. its the only thing you can do"
today, im not in denial anymore
nick is here for me, he will do anything he can to help
i know he's not going anywhere
we're not telling anyone
there's a planned parenthood 15 minutes from my house
they do free pregnancy tests for teens
eliminates the awkwardness of buying a test at cvs
where friends of mine work
or where i could easily run into a friend of my mothers or fathers
next, they'll refer me to somewhere for an abortion
i'd use the abortion pill
i'd make sure my parents weren't home, and nick was with me
i did my research
i take the first pill at the hospital or clinic
- the place planned parenthood sends me to
then, they give me a second pill to take home
i take that one 24 to 72 hours after the first
whenever is most convenient for me
and that's that
i go for a follow-up checkup a week later,
and then we pretend it never happened
in my head
in my heart
right now,
this doesn't even bother me
it should, right?
like, there's a fucking human growing inside of me
and in a few days, im taking a pill to make it pour out of my vagina
and it doesn't even bother me?
oh.
okay.
what if after its all over,
after its out of me,
i start having nightmares
or i lose it
freak out
what if theres health side affects
and i can't have children ever again?
what if my parents find out?
what if i can't afford it?
there's so much to worry about
and i'm not worried about any of it
i think i'm gunna go for the test tomorrow or friday
if its positive,
go for the first pill on monday
take the second on tuesday, when my parents are at work
and then i never speak of it again
no sex for a week, and then my life goes back to normal
i feel like maybe i'm not upset now because in my head,
i'm not pregnant
i'm still subconciously thinking that i could never get pregnant
that doesn't happen to girls in real life
it's always someone else, somewhere else
never me, never here
well, news flash!
its me, its here
its happening, and this time i cant pretend its not
welcome to the real world i guess
where consequences actually mean something
where they actually HAPPEN
wow, im so fucking naive.
shit just got real
[92] the fucking ship is breaking up, we're going down in flames by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-07-21 14:57:11
abandon ship - gallows
go!
warped 2009, fucking awful.
the bands i saw were good for the most part
but i'm disgusted by what warped tour has become
i'll get to that in a second though
anyway
i saw dance gavin dance
reeeeally good
they were all high, no big deal
met them later on
they were just kinda chillin in their tent
nice guys
saw antiflag
havent listened to them in years,
but my friends wanted to see them
they were good
my first time experiencing a "wall of hugs and kisses"
rather than a wall of death
saw bayside
my favorite band ever
i dont know what else to say
i just fucking love them
saw anthony later on just walking around
didnt get to talk to him though,
i didnt realize it was him til he was gone
saw senses fail
they sucked
i dont even really like them
later, they were supposed to do i signing
but they didnt show up
or something like that
this kid we were with was pissed
apparently they always screw jersey
even though theyre from here
last year they did their set, and then an acoustic set
on everyday of warped
except jersey
whatever
they suck regardless
it was funny though
they were complaining about some band
that kept talking shit about warped during their sets
turns out it was gallows hahaha which brings me to...
gallows
best of the night
absolutely
frank spent the entire set in the pit
you couldnt even see him hahaha
it was awesome though
he was singing in the midst of 50 some odd kids
throwing down around him
then he made everyone make the biggest circle pit i've EVER seen
and he stood in the middle of it
so fucking awesome
but the best part
was when he goes
WARPED TOUR USED TO BE A PUNK TOUR
BUT ITS SEEMED TO HAVE LOST ITS WAY
THATS WHY ITS A GOOD THING WE HAVE BANDS LIKE
NOFX, BAD RELIGION, BAYSIDE, FLOGGING MOLLY, AND GALLOWS ON THIS TOUR
then he went on to say that he wanted to see carnage,
to give all these other bands something to really be jealous of
it was so true though
those were pretty much the only legitimate bands left on the tour
warped 1995 would kick the shit out of warped 2009
later on we saw a day to remember
we were debating on leaving before them
because they were playing at 8, our last band before them was at 4 something
but we stayed...
we should have fucking left
the crowd SUCKED beyond BELIEF
and they only played new shit
i was so disappointed, holy shit
now onto why warped sucked so bad
the kids
i've never seen so many asshole scene kids
girls who must have woken up 4 hours early
to straighten their cheetah spot extensions
and slather on their 40 pounds of neon makeup
and boys who did the same
the bros with their fitted hats and nikes
throwing down to fucking all time low
jeffree star in general
the fucking millionaires
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i was so fucking pissed after i saw what they were
fucking slutty scene girls
who dont even play instruments
they just bounce around on stage and sing
about money, sex, hair, and getting drunk
fuck that, they dont even sing
i was SICK
like at least i can laugh at jeffree star
and at least he pretends to play instruments
but the millionaires? REALLY?
what the FUCK is going on here?
brokencyde? the maine? WHAT THE FUCK
warped tour is NOT what it used to be
its NOT what its SUPPOSED to be
how the fuck can you put BAD RELIGION AND NOFX
on the same fucking tour as BROKENCYDE AND THE MILLIONAIRES AND FUCKING JEFFREE STAR?
they all need to get their fucking asses kicked
theyre fucking taking over warped tour
we need to take it back
im ranting
whatever, im pissed
it gets worse every year
what the fuck kevin lyman?
you used to be cool.
no better yet, you used to be UNCOOL
thats what made warped tour good
it was the bands that the cool kids were afraid of
now, warped tour is fucking mtv, and the kids who hang out at the mall on friday nights
fuck this, i just want a good show
[91] where's your respect? by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-07-08 00:41:20
saw enter shikari tonight
fucking sucked
they sounded like shit, and the bands they played with were awful
so disappointing
legit worst crowd i've ever been a part of
everyone was a douchebag
i almost puked from a fucking overdose of scene kids
and if i have to hear one more synth intro or techno breakdown,
i'm going to shoot myself
but they played no sssweat, so it wasnt a total waste
well i mean, it was
but no sssweat made it like kinda sorta a little bit worth it
we left early
got burger king
it made me feel a little better
but anyway, heres this survey
for the nine millionth time
song #1: carry you home by james blunt your favorite lyric from this song:
either: she said it's high time she went away,
no one's got much to say in this town
or: strong as you were, tender you go
im watching you breathing for the last time
a song for your heart, but when it is quiet
i know what it means and i'll carry you home
does this song have any bad memories attached?
no, but its very sad
what genre is this?
pop?
song #2: salvation by the devil wears prada what's the last line of this song?
i can sense the rhythm and its time to panic, panic
have you ever seen this artist live?
yep
who does this song make you think of?
fear and chaos
the coming of something huge
with no preparation
song #3: its dangerous business walking out your front door by underoath what's the first line of this song?
i've been up at this all night long
where did you first hear this song?
fuse tv, i saw the video
this song and reinventing your exit are the reasons i bought the cd
how about the first time you heard the artist?
fuse tv
song #4: the plot to bomb the panhandle by a day to remember which friend could this be a theme tune for and why?
nick, miller, anthony, craig, etc. dedicated to tom
or nick, to tiff
write down the chorus:
i'm looking down at this mess that you made
can't believe that i stayed so unhappy for so long
where did i go wrong?
i've got to get out of this, my hand is on the handle
we're leaving everything behind, goodbye for a lifetime
why do you like this song?
the lyrics, the message
song #5: the words best friend become redefined by chiodos what kind of film would you choose this as the theme for?
something like 'the invisible'
with betrayal, death, lots of rain, lots of nighttime scenes, and a hint of the supernatural
who introduced you to this artist?
wow, i don't even remember
best part of this song:
craig owens
song #6: brand new day by joshua radin the fourth line reads:
and bathes me in its light
how long is this song?
3:34
is it one of your favourites?
no, but joshua radin is
this song really is lovely though
song #7: dont stop by innerpartysystem how long have you been listening to this artist?
about a year
what's the cover look like on the album this came from?
the 4 guys in the band are standing in this weird empty hallway thats like lighted yellow. the guys themselves are tinted green, and the picture is taken from the ground or close to it, kinda looking up at them.
what's this song about?
the corruption in hollywood
has your favourite song come up?
yes, plot to bomb the panhandle, dangerous business, and don't stop
[90] now i'm a fat house cat cursing my sore blunt tounge by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-07-03 21:04:30
flightless bird, american mouth
one of my favorite songs
im supposed to be out, swimming at toms house with everyone
but i dont feel like moving
i had an emotional breakdown at work
no, not really a breakdown
at least not outwardly
it was more of a harsh realization?
or maybe an epiphany?
only an unpleasant one?
im so fucking lethargic
i sleep til 1, then lay around
sometimes with nick, sometimes alone
watching tv and movies in old tshirts and basketball shorts
i dont go out til night time
and even then i sometimes end up staying in all night
holed up in my room with my boyfriend
watching tv, eating, sleeping, fucking
its my last full summer at home - next summer, i leave for college
i should be out with friends
fuck, who ARE my friends?
i havent seen anyone in so long
i see sarah, only because nick and i are best friends with her
but i havent seen matty or chole at all this summer
and i'm not even friends with amber anymore
i havent hung out with the swim kids at all, except for at practices and meets
i dont go anywhere
i dont do anything
i've been to the beach ONCE, when i used to go every single day
i dont even know if im going to warped - something i swore i'd never miss
where the fuck has my LIFE gone?
what the fuck am i DOING with myself?
like i said before, i was supposed to be at toms house over an hour ago.
i just never got myself off my bed to go
instead, i'm here
complaining
my facial expression has not changed
my emotions are flat lining
im bored, but too lazy to do anything about it
i need to wake the fuck up
drag the real me out, go feel the sun on my face
go for a run, go for a swim, go for a drive, go see my friends
what the fuck have i become?
[89] i won't let you fall by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-06-29 18:38:35
i'm grounded. i'm just going to keep doing these.
first song: the places you have come to fear the most by dashboard confessional second song: homeless by paul simon third song: perfect company by a cursive memory fourth song: good will hunting by myself by ludo fifth song: impact by stick to your guns sixth song: body like mind by ace enders and a million different people seventh song: in the backseat by arcade fire eighth song: making love to the camera by the starting line ninth song: let's ride by josh-x-an-tus tenth song: forever by chris brown
who does song 1 remind you of? myself
what part of your life does song 2 remind you of? last summer
if you could dedicate song 3 to anyone, who would it be? nick, obviously :]
does song 4's lyrics mean anything to you personally? hahaha no, they're just hysterical
why do you like song 5? because its by stick to your guns.
when did you first start listening to the artist of song 6? well, i've been listening to the early november since like 2004. and i've been listening to ace enders &amdp since TEN broke up. so like, 2007? i think?
how many albums do you have from the artist of song 7? no full ones, but i have a little from each album. wait, scratch that, actually i think i have neon bible.
how are songs 8 and 9 similar? they're not. at all.
what's song 10's meaning? dancing. yanno.
which song out of the 10 is your favorite? 1 & 6
which song out of the 10 is your least favorite? 9
which song means the most to you? why? 1, 6, 10 :]
would you dedicate any of these to your love/crush? 3 & 10!
would you dedicate any of theses to your enemy? nah
do these 10 songs more or less represent your music collection? more or less
[88] i'll be better when the sleep comes and finds me by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-06-23 00:50:48
junior year's over, i guess i'm a senior now.
i'm barely sleeping again
i'm super paranoid again
my fucking moods are crazy again
my lows are lower, my highs higher
and i think its because of my relationship
i'm not used to this
i'm so scared of getting hurt
or of hurting him
but fuck it, theres nothing in the world that can make me leave him
i've never known love like the love he gives me
and i've never felt like this about anyone EVER before in my life
we went to see a movie with some friends tonight
we held hands in the darkened theater and i rested my head on his shoulder
we stole kisses from each other when no one was looking
i felt like it was our first date
and i was in 6th grade again
it was so nice
we were supposed to have a sleepover tonight,
but we couldn't
he promised me one soon though
i don't even think we'll have sex during it
or even do anything sexual
i wholeheartedly believe we'll just cuddle and hold each other until we fall asleep
our relationship is so perfectly balanced
-our sex life (though we haven't had sex yet, we've done everything else) is beyond exciting, and we're wildly attracted to each other
-we act as though we're best friends, and have obscene amounts of fun together. we do the silliest, stupidest, craziest, most reckless and embarrassing things when we hang out
-we're both very much in touch with our romantic sides. somewhere during the night we end up wrapped in each others arms, staring in to each others eyes, whispering "i love yous", and sharing sweet soft slow kisses
everything is 100% comfortable
i feel as though its not real
its too fucking perfect, i always say
but then he holds me
or kisses me
or makes me start hysterically laughing
and i know its all real
and hes real
and im real
and neither of us are going anywhere
i like love, ive decided
finally
[87] stay awake thru summer, like we own the heat. by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-06-03 12:48:30
i said a while ago that i would copy some of my old writing into this. i think i only put one piece in here. so, here's another. i found it in my freshman english writing portfolio. it had to be about a particular season, and the format was modeled after a passage from to kill a mockingbird:
summer was what we waited for every year. the idea of it was what kept us sane throughout the school year. it was the perfect exclamation point on a 180 day long sentence. summer was our best season: it was driving to the beach almost everyday to feel that familiar, fulfilling burn of the sun on our backs and the salty air caressing our sun-reddened cheeks. it was waking up early with every intention of beating the crowds to where ever it was we were going, but never succeeding. it was making ridiculous plans to run away to california, but having even more fun on the playground of the pool club with an iPod and a perfect view of everything going on. it was the permanent scent of chlorine and salt water embedded in our hair and clothes. it was long nights of manhunt, barbecuing, and blasting old songs from a boom box. it was lazing on the hammock out back in the cool early evening, watching the sky change colors and day dreaming about the future - whether the future was 10 years, 10 weeks, or 10 minutes away. it was acting like little children and playing outside during one of the many thunderstorms. it was wearing a bathing suit everywhere we went, knowing we would eventually end up in someone's pool. it was the little things, like never having to wear sneakers and letting our tans take the place of our makeup. it was feeling the need to go out every day and stay out late every night. it was living off icepops and lemonade for 3 months. it was the feeling that we owned the world, and nothing could hold us back. but, above all things, summer was about the memories.
[86] we are the challengers of the unknown by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-06-01 23:24:13
this needs to stop.
first song: friendship by the ambush second song: sundrenched world by joshua radin third song: fall apart by 1208 fourth song: challengers by the new pornographers fifth song: geek in the pink by jason mraz sixth song: high tide or no tide by evergreen terrace seventh song: runaway by cartel eighth song: delusional by saves the day ninth song: razorblades by story of the year tenth song: this wasn't in our plan by the early november
who does song 1 remind you of? amber, more or less
what part of your life does song 2 remind you of? last year
if you could dedicate song 3 to anyone, who would it be? hm, no one right now really
does song 4's lyrics mean anything to you personally? yeah, it reminds me a lot of nick, and how we came to be
why do you like song 5? its adorable and quirky and funny and cute. typical jason mraz.
when did you first start listening to the artist of song 6? a few years ago. maybe 2 or 3?
how many albums do you have from the artist of song 7? just this one
how are songs 8 and 9 similar? somewhat same genre? idk, they're really not that similar
what's song 10's meaning? last chances and desperation
which song out of the 10 is your favorite? this wasn't in our plan, sundrenched world, or high tide or no tide
which song out of the 10 is your least favorite? runaway
which song means the most to you? why? challengers, it reminds me of nick. or high tide or no tide and sundrenched world, it reminds me of everyone else.
would you dedicate any of these to your love/crush? yes, challengers.
would you dedicate any of theses to your enemy? maybe friendship. but that's not quite pissed off or biting enough.
do these 10 songs more or less represent your music collection? yeah, basically
space jam just came on tv
i'm content
[85] everything is gunna be alright by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-05-31 23:48:41
i have nothing of importance to say lately.
sarah smokes too much now, and it makes me sad. and worried.
me and nick are best friends. its adorable.
i need summer, i'm slacking in school so much.
i want to start writing again. i miss feeling talented. i feel the words inside me, i just don't know where to put them.
i never sleep anymore. i can't. i'm back to feeling as though i'll miss something if i do. it frustrates me so much.
i'm still very sad that ligeia broke up.
god, i'm trying too hard to have something to say.
i'm doing this survey for the 1200th time.
song #1: the no seatbelt song by brand new your favorite lyric from this song:
omg, the entire song<3
does this song have any bad memories attached?
nope
what genre is this?
its brand new. i don't even know what else to call it.
song #2: miami by taking back sunday what's the last line of this song?
the truth be told i'm never gunna know
have you ever seen this artist live?
yes, multiple times
who does this song make you think of?
hm. i'm not really sure.
song #3: my immortal by evanescence what's the first line of this song?
i'm so tired of being here
where did you first hear this song?
probably when i got the cd, back in the day
how about the first time you heard the artist?
oh god, i have no clue.
song #4: somewhere i belong by linkin park which friend could this be a theme tune for and why?
rios, matty, or myself.
write down the chorus:
i wanna heal, i wanna feel what i thought was never real
i wanna let go of the pain i held so long
i wanna heal, i wanna feel like i'm close to something real
i wanna find something i've wanted all along
somewhere i belong
why do you like this song?
it's intensity.
song #5: popular by nada surf what kind of film would you choose this as the theme for?
a 90s high school movie.
who introduced you to this artist?
grock radio
best part of this song:
the spoken word lyrics
song #6: 34 by saves the day the fourth line reads:
take a gun to my head, swallow it!
how long is this song?
2:23
is it one of your favourites?
no, but saves the day in general is.
song #7: believe by yellowcard how long have you been listening to this artist?
2004<3 fucking loved that year hahaha
what's the cover look like on the album this came from?
its a photo of a girl on the beach - just her head and shoulders. the sun is setting behind her, and washing out most of the picture. you can barely see her. under the photo, it says YELLOWCARD in seemingly hand-drawn bubble letters, and under that it says OCEAN AVENUE in scratchy capital letters - also hand done.
what's this song about?
hope
has your favourite song come up?
no seatbelt song
[84] i just roam through town by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-05-27 20:58:16
we said it to each other today, and i was shaking
i realized i had never said it out loud to anyone and truly meant it
but it felt nice to be looked in the eyes
and it felt nice to have him whisper "i love you too, baby girl"
song #1: bonus mosh pt II by taking back sunday your favorite lyric from this song:
i wanted you for nothing more than hating you for what you were
does this song have any bad memories attached?
not really. i mean, it reminds me of someone, but tbs for the most part reminds me of middle school. easy times.
what genre is this?
alt-pop-punk? i hate genres.
song #2: miss you love by maria mena what's the last line of this song?
i miss you love
have you ever seen this artist live?
no, but i HAVE TO before i die
who does this song make you think of?
a few people. no one relevant anymore, though.
song #3: decoy by paramore what's the first line of this song?
close your eyes and make believe this is where you wanna be
where did you first hear this song?
i'm actually not sure
how about the first time you heard the artist?
holy jesus, so long ago. before all the RIOT! nonsense.
song #4: walking by by something corporate which friend could this be a theme tune for and why?
maybe choliee, maybe matty, maybe myself
write down the chorus:
and why do you leave these stories unfinished,
my cheshire cat doorstop, with tears in your eyes?
and why do you look when you've already found it [me]?
and what did you find that would leave you walking by?
why do you like this song?
andrew mcmahon is a force to reckoned with. his voice is beautiful. his music is beautiful. his lyrics are beautiful. everything about something corporate is so amazing. every song tells its own pretty pretty story.
song #5: people like you are why people like me exist by say anything what kind of film would you choose this as the theme for?
a high school age good versus evil story
who introduced you to this artist?
fuse tv
best part of this song:
max bemis
song #6: cobrastyle by robyn the fourth line reads:
ten is for you so who gon' get the next dozen, fool
how long is this song?
4:10
is it one of your favourites?
no, but its so good. makes you wanna dance and smack a bitch all at the same time!
song #7: breakdown by jack johnson how long have you been listening to this artist?
quite a while
what's the cover look like on the album this came from?
its bright yellow, with the black shadow outline of a huge shady tree on a cliff over the water. on the corner, you can see the shadow outline of jack, with his acoustic guitar, reaching up to touch a branch.
what's this song about?
it's about taking a second to stop, slow down, and take a look around. otherwise, you might miss everything.
has your favourite song come up?
bonus mosh, miss you love, breakdown
i should sleep, i really never do it
[83] you've got to know, know, know when you're in love by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-05-24 01:09:43
i'm fucking freaking out right now
i think i'm in love with nick
and i'm fucking terrified
i've never been in love
i've never fucking felt like this
i'm going crazy
it's overwhelming!
i'm legitimately dizzy
it all finally hit me tonight
like a ton of bricks
square in the fucking stomach
holy shit, like i can't breathe
i want to call him and tell him
but i would rather see him in person
i want him to hold me right now
and smile in spite of himself
because i've finally taken down my walls
that was his goal all along
to get me to allow myself to love him
he wins
i never want to be without him
fucking a
i am in love with nick barone
what
the
fuck?!
[82] leave that past behind and come with me to be free by CurtneyIsASuperher0 at 2009-05-13 13:18:55
