laugh till your stomach hurts and your eyes tear from joy. best feeling ever.

I was talking to a friend the other night and asked her if we were the rotten apples or the ones with a design that failed to fit in with the rest of the human species, she blinked and said,

“what made you think of that?”

“just answer the question woman!”

“well, just because we failed to jump through a few hoops for a society that’s trained us to since birth doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You can still function right? It just means there’s something wrong with their training. It’s a conspiracy I tell you.”

It’s very disappointing to see that the next generation of people are repeating in the same footsteps of the older generation. The world as we know it isn’t bubbled wrapped and sugar coated and packed as ready to go for us, true to that. But even so, I would like to think that there are people out there who realise this and actually take the initiative to take the first step towards acceptance and tolerance.

Intolerance is a huge crime in my book and I think it eventually stems into stereotypes, conflict (obviously) as shown on this site, discrimination etc.
"Treat others as you want to be treated” is something I’m sure fairly all of you have heard but I completely disagree with this statement.

Just because a person does you wrong, it does not necessarily mean you should fall to their level which is low as low can get. It’s not helping the situation or easing the conflict at all, it’s only feeding it. I know it's cause and effect, to dish out revenge when scorned, but it's not a human condition. A human condition cannot be altered easily, whereas the decision to let anger resentment and your ego take over you is a CHOICE.

Everyone deserves respect, equality and tolerance but unfortunately some are more equal than others, some people’s actions lose respect and humans simply don’t have enough tolerance because they just want to whine, whinge, complain and let their fat ass egos get into the picture.

Internet activism will do very little to solve differences/issues.
Try doing some activism in your own backyard for a change by having an open mind, letting go of those labels and stereotypes that you’ve attached to people and seeing a person as an individual with their own personality, opinions and action rather than through their ethnicity or their material possessions. If you know the feeling that comes with this, it's like flying through the clouds, with an uplifted sense of freedom with all that baggage of manufactured ideals and programmed info no longer weighing you down.

By being one of the few people out there in this world, to take this first initiative, you’re adding to the process of moving towards that hope, that future generations will set aside their differences and view each other’s actions/thoughts as individuals rather than having a racial/religious tag or some form of label attached to them.

You know those people who get bashed for their thoughts and get declared as ignorant or unrealistic? Especially when they dream big dreams of a society that will one day be open to acceptance and tolerance.

I salute these people, who have a majority trying to tell them otherwise because it’s thanks to these few people out there who dream these big dreams of hope for a better world, that the world today is a much better place than it was in it's previous eras.

It's true that as the world gets better, it also gets worse. There’s always going to be that balance of good and bad, but we're getting there and we're moving forward and that's all that matters.

Every era has its war, conflict, greed, revolution, intolerance, depression etc and you’d think that as this destructive cycle repeats itself with every generation, the human race itself would die out. But no it hasn’t. Why is that? Because of people who are too stubborn to admit defeat, to cave in.

People out there who notice the root of the problem and apply a healthy dose to the problem in their own daily lives, in their own environments, they create change, movement towards a better society.

There is a minority who influence and shape the stigmata in society, through their evil actions and the media often takes advantage of that.

The media has the power to influence and shape the thoughts of every human that owns a tv set, radio, computer, mobile phone.
But in the end the person who has the MOST power of their own thoughts and actions is YOU.

Ask yourself 'are your thoughts really your own? Or did you just derive this assumption from what you heard from tv, friends, family?'

If you're looking for someone to blame, blame it on yourself, because through all this time, you've been living your shallow life with your values, actions and opinions based upon spoon fed info that’s not necessarily the 'truth'. By truth I don't mean it in a religious sense but rather in the sense of right/wrong, ideals, opinions, thoughts etc.

No one’s hands are clean, and the state of world itself is evidence enough, but what are you doing to make it better?

I'm a girl.
Human.

Yes.

I need to confirm from time to time as insane as it sounds.

As you may know nothing is ever what it seems considering our eyes work by flipping an image upside down, allowing us to see a manufactured image.

I breathe, eat, work, learn, study, stuff up, crap just like you.

I'm not sure what the point of this journal is?

Do people honestly read these e-journals?

Everything you write or type away is exposed for the world’s entire internet users to ‘lo and behold.

I wonder if people write about their daily/random happenings in this.

What should I type about . .
Hmm....

This world is so very disappointing.
The moment we take our first breath of life we are given expectations to meet.
When we fail to meet those expectations we then disappoint.

We all expect something. This is the living condition. The reason for breathing this very moment.

Some people live because they are afraid to die, others die because they are afraid to live.

I’m neither living nor dying.

Just somewhere in between caught between the tides and watching in very slow motion things happening internally and externally. Bopping up and down, up and down in this continuous process trying desperately to reach out for life support but grasping onto invisible matter.

It’s bit like drowning, your dying to live as you fight for air and battle against the waves (obstacles) but you’re living to die (because there’s a chance that all this fighting or will to survive is only going to lead you to your death as your energy wears off).

Murphy’s law.

Nothing I can do but watch as the world itself destroys it self. A bit like the process of slow suicide we see in drug addicts.

Better yet slow decay seeing as the world died centuries ago along with its purpose and meaning.

I’m going crazy in my own little bubble and shell that my state of mind is just expanding and expanding and expanding then compressing, compressing and compressing… With profound and limitless space a bit like the universe until it reaches it’s limit and decides that all the pressure of curiosity and thinking isn’t very healthy so what does it do? It shrinks then shrivels up and dies.

The end.

Actually that isn’t the end of the process. But rather yes it does shrink but then it explodes! KA BOOM! Until all that knowledge…particle…and matter dissipates all over like fragmentary pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

The cycle then repeats.

Yet this is the jigsaw puzzle of the mind… and the mind’s capacity to store knowledge, memories is yet to be determined as we haven’t reached our full potential yet or have methods of deciphering all it’s content.

Maybe after a thousand generations it may be possible. I’m going out of my fking mind…hmm, in all actual ness I was out of it the moment I realized:
- The sky wasn’t blue and the grass isn’t always green.
- People wear masks and have alter-egos. Smiles were quick accessible tools used as cover-ups
- Religions can be contradictory, manufactured or it's 'original truth' was twisted and exploited for a particular agenda. It also causes conflict, diversity and can lead to fundametalism, fanatical and extremist acts of violence.
- Money is just a piece of paper, plasticity, or metal with the face of a monarchy we don’t really care about or think of much.

What the hell is wrong with this?

EVERYTHING.

So meaningless and trivial, this screenplay, of moving images, sounds, lights and graphics projected in front of my very own eyes. A movie, one painted black and white with shades of gray flashing one captured moment of humankind’s “accomplishments” to the next, each latter worse than the former.

I’ve realized something (many things) since I was 15.
Have you ever had an idea, emotion, a passing thought or experiences just grip a hold of you, you freeze up and just go blank.

Everyone around you keeps moving to their destination, whereas you push the “pause” button, because the weight of what you’ve realized, felt or experience has left you headed for another destination?


Pause.
Select another scene.
Press play.
Repeat.

Life.

A number of realizations I’ve encountered, were extremely depressing, cynical to realistic, justifiable to down right impossible or unnatural.

# 1 Are you living life? Or is your life living you? Do you really own them belongings/possessions ie your house, car, clothes, phone or do they control and own you?


# 2 Wake up-consume->work->consume->waste->breathe->sleep->work->breathe->consume->breed->cosume->sleep->wake up->consume->consume more->die.


# 3 when lining up in queues, boarding and exiting trains, walking down a crowded street, are we all following a line? or the same pace?


# 4 I, me, me, my, I, I, I, my, me, my, my and more me and my with I. Selfism.


# 5 Alone: Birth, life and death. The human condition?


# 6 The age of plastic is fantastic!


# 7 A religion that has conquered the world, it's oly symbol '$'


# 8 'GOD?' or 'GOD.'


# 9 'Selling out yourself' or 'Not just another statistic'?


# 10 Sane? Insane? Right? Wrong? Left? Right?


# 11 Person A replied "But the news presenter said that-" "It's all bullshit!" Person B finished.


# 12 Bubble-wrapped, Cover, Tool, Facade?


# 13 Intolerance as the biggest evil.


# 14 The disease: Have you realised all this? Or has the disease blinded you too?


Those are number of ordinary-outrageous notions that have struck me the most from time to time.

Maybe your mind has too.

I won't explain what I mean by the list.
It's better when we realise something on our own.
It's a much richer experience, self-enlightenment, an eye opener and each and everytime it happens you feel closer to the truth (philosophically and spiritually, no religious connotation) then you were to begin with.

Drowning together, in a world filled with the good, the bad and the ugly, we all somehow manage to breathe.

These small moments of realisation/understanding, the small or littlest things in life have greater meaning and worth than we'll ever know.

xxJita.