blah blah blah today was never-ending.

i felt pregnant. you know, that kind of big awkwardness where it just feels like everyone's staring at you. i wanted to scream. those assholes know nothing on their own - they only know what was told to them.

i'm just really happy to be home. probably going to sleep early.

my life is all one night stands, no substance, and i made it this way.

there is something so fulfilling to me when another person wants just me for one night and we just go and go and go until the morning. i love that they're no strings and no commitments and that person won't be waiting for you to call them and they won't be constantly reminding you make sure to pick up the coffee and bread from the supermarket before you get home.

i don't know. i think i'm just really fucked up.

see, there's just this huge, gaping, person-sized hole in the middle of my chest and everyone can fit into it, but only one person fits absolutely perfectly and he's too far away from me right now. so i just settle for other people. is that wrong?


i watched this original interview with Sid & Nancy on youtube today and Sid was so wasted and so done and his entire being was just dead that i cried. i didn't even cry because of him. i cried because it was the scariest thing i'd ever watched in my entire life. it was real and those were two real people and look what they'd become. fuck, man. its scary shit.


i'm tired. i need to finish homework. later.